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hrlz001

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hrlz001
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2153
  • Number of comments : 20
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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hrlz001's favorite FMLs

Today, I installed an alarm app on my phone. Turns out, to unlock the phone and get the ringing to stop, I have to answer a maths question. It took me ten minutes to get it right. FML

#19203971
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9825) - you deserved it (27073)

On 03/02/2012 at 5:53pm - misc - by Ashleigh - Australia

Today, after getting a pat of appreciation from my girlfriend's father for taking it slow, he found me later, in her room, with my head between her thighs. FML

#19187510
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15137) - you deserved it (40688)

On 02/29/2012 at 5:07am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I called my husband, who is currently stationed in Japan, to see how he was doing. According to his girlfriend, he's doing fine. FML

#19174580
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38699) - you deserved it (2243)

On 02/27/2012 at 12:42pm - love - by unknown - United States

Today, after suffering with bad constipation and having to eat special bread to get me to go, I have practically just pooped out a week's worth of food in 15 minutes, and I'm still going. I've passed the ring of fire stage, now I just can't feel my asshole. FML

#19174199
277 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33501) - you deserved it (5187)

On 02/27/2012 at 10:55am - health - by awhmaaan - United Kingdom

Today, my dog managed to pull a one-pound package of raw bacon out and eat the entire package including the cardboard. The vets cheered when they finally got him to puke up the entire, unchewed package of bacon. FML

Today, I was having sex with my husband. We thought the house was empty so we didn't mind being loud. Apparently, my grandma thought it would be fun to give us a surprise visit. All I found was a note on the counter from her and the spare key saying "Next time, I'll call." FML

#19169657
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27860) - you deserved it (3779)

On 02/26/2012 at 7:02pm - intimacy - by . - United States (California)

Today, I cut myself while shaving my globes. My girlfriend now refuses to stop teasing me about being "fisted by Edward Scissorhands." FML

#19167589
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17739) - you deserved it (6641)

On 02/26/2012 at 12:42pm - intimacy - by still learning - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, an African-American family came into the restaurant at which I work. They said, "Jackson, party of 5." After I laughed, I realized they were serious. FML

#19166851
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16471) - you deserved it (28445)

On 02/26/2012 at 10:31am - work - by Miss_Kristen - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was babysitting. Everything was going well until the kid called 911 on me for making him eat his vegetables. FML

#19164733
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25858) - you deserved it (2477)

On 02/26/2012 at 12:16am - kids - by whattabrat - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out that the pool boy has been stealing from me for over a year now. The latest things that he has taken are my laptop, the cash I hide in my closet and my wife. FML

#19092869
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35567) - you deserved it (3633)

On 02/16/2012 at 11:26am - misc - by mypoolisstilldirty (man) - Australia

Today, I found out that driving for 2 weeks on 3/4 of a tank doesn't mean my truck magically got more efficient, it means my gas gauge is broken. FML

#19092080
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9894) - you deserved it (25082)

On 02/16/2012 at 7:49am - misc - by Kramer - Canada (Ontario)

Today, as I was leaving for work, I discovered my neighbor had just passed away. I found out when I came across his body lying in my front yard. FML

#19087811
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29198) - you deserved it (1697)

On 02/15/2012 at 6:53pm - misc - by Jedi2500 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I took my girlfriend out for a fancy dinner to celebrate our anniversary. When the waitress came, we instantly recognized each other. She was the girl I'd had a one night stand with a few weeks before. FML

#19066381
429 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7556) - you deserved it (103201)

On 02/13/2012 at 4:49pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada

Today, I sent out a text saying "Smile! You're beautiful and don't let anyone tell you otherwise." to most of my contacts. I got one reply, from my best friend, saying, "Are you fucking stupid?" FML

#19064637
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11384) - you deserved it (31545)

On 02/13/2012 at 11:27am - misc - by dis_bee_leaf (woman) - Canada

Today, I got pulled over. When the cop asked where I was coming from, reflexively I said, "Your mom's house." FML



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