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houston1617

Offline (the 12/26/2015 at 5:32am) | Search for a member

houston1617

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Cookeville, United States
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 3 January 1995 (21 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1042
  • Number of comments : 1
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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houston1617's page activity

Visits<b>buckman1011</b> - the 12/19/2015 at 7:01am<b>nissanleaf</b> - the 12/13/2015 at 11:25pm<b>musifer</b> - the 09/01/2015 at 3:20am<b>LAUREN_1053</b> - the 09/05/2013 at 10:57pm<b>monkeycrutch</b> - the 07/28/2013 at 8:20pm<b>xTrepidation</b> - the 05/05/2013 at 9:54pm

houston1617's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

See all of houston1617's badges

houston1617's favorite FMLs

Today, I bought lunch for my grandparents, aunts, and uncles. My uncle apparently felt uncomfortable at the restaurant, because he got up and flipped the table over before leaving. The bill tripled because of the broken glass, and my uncle called me up later for a ride. FML

#21498342
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21835) - you deserved it (1336)

On 11/29/2015 at 9:47pm - misc - by AsshatUncle (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, while changing my daughter's diaper, I lifted up her butt to wipe her, which coincidentally caused her to fart. I hadn't wiped her yet so the force of air caused poop to fly at me at high speed, landing on my chest and face. My husband burst out laughing, saying, "You've been ass-blasted!" FML

#21496534
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25526) - you deserved it (2650)

On 11/25/2015 at 1:00am - kids - by coolest_mom (woman) -

Today, a close friend came over with her three-year-old son. The child used a crayon on the walls, flushed my money down the toilet, and threw up. My friend was seriously offended when I asked her to help me clean everything up. FML

#21496255
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24493) - you deserved it (1592)

On 11/24/2015 at 12:45pm - kids - by wellfuckyoutoo - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while working at the bar, I accidentally spilled a beer on my chest. Several drunk men whistled and seemed to enjoy what they saw so much that they bought even more drinks and started coming onto me. My boss asked if I could do it again on my next shift. FML

#21493622
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25667) - you deserved it (2600)

On 11/17/2015 at 1:34pm - misc - by anon. - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I went to see a movie with a seemingly nice guy after a friend set us up. As soon as the movie started, he unzipped his pants and told me to "get to it". FML

#21493607
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32711) - you deserved it (2342)

On 11/17/2015 at 12:51pm - intimacy - by strawberry - United States (Colorado)

Today, my boyfriend, who is rather large, picked me up to give me a hug, and some over-eager security guard actually pointed his tazer at him and told him to put me down. So he put me down and tried to ask what he'd done wrong. The bastard tazed him for acting aggressively. FML

#21490908
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28778) - you deserved it (1631)

On 11/10/2015 at 5:15pm - misc - by anonymous (woman) - Czech Republic

Today, my boyfriend discovered that if you mix beer, an axe, shotgun shells and bad judgment, you get a rather expensive hospital stay. FML

Today, I found out that aside from being savagely overworked and treated like shit for zero pay, another one of my responsibilities as an intern is to take the blame for my boss accidentally posting a link to a porn site on the company's Twitter account. FML

#21487876
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24197) - you deserved it (1634)

On 11/03/2015 at 12:54pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend had the choice of A) living alone gaming, or B) moving in with me, gaming in his own man-cave, lots of sex, and lots of pizza. He chose choice A. FML

#21487379
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29132) - you deserved it (4880)

On 11/02/2015 at 2:25pm - love - by Anonymous - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, I was supposed to start my vacation in Italy. I guess not everyone heard that I canceled it due to health problems, because this morning I caught two of my "friends" unplugging my TV after breaking into my house. FML

#21485404
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27305) - you deserved it (1631)

On 10/28/2015 at 11:28am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my brother's recent creepy behavior suddenly made sense when I found "How to seduce your sister?" in his browser search history. FML

#21483973
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32473) - you deserved it (1875)

On 10/24/2015 at 10:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I learned that if you complain to your mom about your future mother-in-law's bitchiness, your overprotective mom might confront her about it and end up punching her in the face. My fiancée blames me for the incident. FML

#21483651
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22644) - you deserved it (6899)

On 10/24/2015 at 1:13am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting heated. I kissed her on the neck, chest, stomach, and threw up as I kissed between her legs. FML

#21483617
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29391) - you deserved it (5739) - Translated from the version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 10/23/2015 at 11:17pm - intimacy - by Walter (man) - Spain

Today, I got called a "politically correct loser" by a woman at the supermarket, all because I said I didn't want to find out the gender of my baby until birth. FML

#21474498
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21773) - you deserved it (1971)

On 09/30/2015 at 6:18am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Warwickshire)

Today, I heard my boyfriend telling a female friend that his ex was so gorgeous and out of his league that it made him feel inadequate, and so he now only dates within reach. She told him he's hot enough to have anyone he wants. 30 seconds later they were tongue-deep in each other's throat. FML

#21469110
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26543) - you deserved it (1838)

On 09/16/2015 at 7:25am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Germany (Hessen)



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