About heymoon : I lurk.
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heymoon's favorite FMLs
Today, I had a nice, open chat with my mother. I accidentally let slip that I'm a nymphomaniac. She accidentally let slip that my dad is bad in bed. I don't think either of us will be chatting so openly for awhile. FML
by ewmomew / 09/12/2010 at 12:07am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, my kitchen sink was clogged. I poured a bottle of Drano down and came back two hours later. The clog is still there, but the glue on the pipe is not and now there is Drano-water all over the floor, staining and dissolving everything in my kitchen. FML
by MisterT / 05/18/2010 at 9:23pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by everyonehatesme / 05/02/2010 at 4:37am / Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur) / Geek
by Sanchez / 01/07/2010 at 12:22pm / United States / Intimacy
by buhknee / 11/24/2009 at 7:08pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend of two years broke up with me so she could "let her life flow in the direction she wants." Apparently that includes smoking, stealing and making out with other girls at parties. The best part? She wants to get back together "after she matures and gets it out of her system." FML
by bananaface / 11/16/2009 at 2:29am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up in a daze after a long night drinking. I felt a subtle nudge on my shoulder. I was at my ex-girlfriends house, passed out on top of her, with no pants on. Her dad was, in so many words, informing me that I had to leave immediately. FML
by Matt / 07/13/2009 at 3:06pm / United States (Florida) / Love
Today, I was at Target with my mom and we finished purchasing our items. We had gotten a fan so I said, "This thing is too big to fit in." First thing my mom yells? "THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!" and starts laughing hysterically in front of the entire store. FML
by embarrassed / 07/12/2009 at 2:25pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by partygirlxxx / 05/23/2009 at 11:01pm / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was scolding my 8 year old son because he was getting bad grades in school. I told him that he should get straight A's like his friend Ceejay. He told me that comparing him to Ceejay was unfair and when I asked why he said, "Because his dad is actually smart." FML
by tomandjerry / 05/21/2009 at 12:35am / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I was serving a family at the restaurant where I work. When I went to ask the little girl what she wanted, I was tongue-tied and got "cutie" and "hun" mixed up and ended up asking, "What can I get for you, cuntie?" FML
by keeks_25 / 05/08/2009 at 4:53pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work
by fuckspellcheck / 04/28/2009 at 2:47pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 03/31/2009 at 5:08am / Australia (Western Australia) / Work
by scotto / 02/22/2009 at 8:21pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…