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havok87

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havok87
  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 740
  • Number of comments : 98
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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havok87's favorite FMLs

Today, I was chatting with my mother. She was telling me about some new mouthwash she recently got, and the moment the word "gargle" escaped her lips, my husband muttered just a little too loudly from the kitchen, "How about gargling my balls instead, bitch." Our family is now at war. FML

#20985190
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44635) - you deserved it (4865)

On 12/08/2013 at 3:39pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend when all of a sudden he stops, grabs my breasts with both hands, makes circular motions with them, and yells, "Daniel-san! Wax on! Wax off! Wax on! Wax off!", killing my orgasm dead. FML

#20981063
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39917) - you deserved it (4263)

On 12/04/2013 at 10:19pm - intimacy - by KarateKid76 (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I just about managed to convince the judge to overlook my client's emotional outbursts in the courtroom, promising that he'd be on his best behavior from now on. An hour later, he screamed "FUCK YOU!" at the judge for telling him to quiet down. I hate my job. FML

#20980593
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39258) - you deserved it (3342)

On 12/04/2013 at 4:15pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, I woke up to something tickling me. Thinking it was my cat, I reached under the covers to give her a friendly scratch behind the ears. I imagine the giant spider that was actually there enjoyed my terrified screams. FML

#20965814
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41712) - you deserved it (2774)

On 11/21/2013 at 12:52pm - animals - by thatsnotacat - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I learned that no matter how much of a nerd a girl claims to be, she is not ready for you to speak Klingon during sex. FML

#20963971
245 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23555) - you deserved it (60274)

On 11/19/2013 at 10:42pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML

#20959868
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22131) - you deserved it (42764)

On 11/16/2013 at 2:31pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I found out that my roommate secretly edited a paper I wrote and recently turned in, so that it repeatedly refers to the famed author "Kneel Gayman." I'm positive that's not how it's spelled. FML

#20958782
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30744) - you deserved it (2533)

On 11/15/2013 at 3:30pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, while teaching juniors about black holes, I said, "Imagine everything being sucked into a black hole." An African-American student shouted, "I'd better start clenching!" Nobody took the lesson seriously after that. FML

#20946225
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41540) - you deserved it (5049)

On 11/05/2013 at 8:22am - work - by regretsteachinghighschool - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my boyfriend left me for another girl. My dad's reaction to the news and my tears was to say, "Aww. Gonna write a song about it, Taylor Swift?" FML

#20942725
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50905) - you deserved it (7455)

On 11/02/2013 at 4:23pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland

Today, while driving in the car with my father, he handed me his iPhone and asked me to Google "Is ObamaCare good for our country?" As soon as I typed in "Is", the first result was "Is olive oil good for anal." FML

#20942318
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51250) - you deserved it (4097)

On 11/02/2013 at 9:21am - intimacy - by justme - United States (Ohio)

Today, I found out my handwriting is so bad that people think I write in Arabic. FML

#20922701
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40603) - you deserved it (9142)

On 10/16/2013 at 1:37pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I went on a first date. He left me standing at a bus stop while he took a dump in some bushes. FML

#20922179
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44113) - you deserved it (3673)

On 10/15/2013 at 11:10pm - love - by highlydisgusted - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my grandmother called me in a fit of panic because her new neighbors are black. So is my fiancé, whom she is supposed to meet tomorrow. FML

#20921768
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44760) - you deserved it (4456)

On 10/15/2013 at 5:43pm - misc - by secretsmakefriends (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I am 20 weeks pregnant. My fiancé has decided my new nickname will be "Oink Oink". FML

#20917413
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39192) - you deserved it (4354)

On 10/12/2013 at 9:19am - love - by oink oink... - United States (Texas)

Today, I had a new client on my massage list. Two of my fingers got stuck in the thick coat of hair covering his back. I had to stop myself from making grunting noises whilst extricating them. FML

#20914768
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35472) - you deserved it (2696)

On 10/10/2013 at 1:25am - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)



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