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havok87

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havok87
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 735
  • Number of comments : 98
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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havok87's favorite FMLs

Today, my house was robbed. My two 70-pound German Shepherds obeyed me when I told them to attack. They also obeyed the robber when he said, "Sit". FML

#21113538
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40941) - you deserved it (3560)

On 04/15/2014 at 8:08am - animals - by stupiddog (man) - United States (California)

Today, my husband and I had some bath time to ourselves. After having sex, he decided to put bath salts in my vagina to spice things up for the next round. It's been twenty minutes out of the bath and it still feels like there are pop rocks in my vagina. FML

#21101391
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36371) - you deserved it (27422)

On 03/31/2014 at 10:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my Game of Thrones addicted girlfriend decided to name my penis Tyrion Lannister. FML

#21101155
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34741) - you deserved it (5287)

On 03/31/2014 at 5:03pm - intimacy - by off to the whorehouse, then (man) - United Kingdom (Brighton and Hove)

Today, frustrated that my boyfriend never gives me any orgasms when we make love, I tried politely hinting that he needs to improve. To start with, I said maybe he should be more spontaneous in bed. He replied, "What, like putting it in your ass? Gotcha." Great. FML

#21074161
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41830) - you deserved it (11494)

On 02/28/2014 at 4:10pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I was doodling randomly during a meeting at work, and I noticed my drawing was beginning to look a bit like a penis. A coworker was eyeing it so I tried to make it something else by adding... oh good, now it's a penis and balls. FML

#21072961
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32887) - you deserved it (11386)

On 02/27/2014 at 6:59am - work - by doodler - United States (Texas)

Today, I got into a slight spot of shit with my new boss over his speech. Apparently he was not actually impersonating Sylvester the Cat, and he just has a speech impediment. When I jokingly said "sufferin' succotash" to him, he wasn't pleased at all. FML

#21056453
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19470) - you deserved it (36413)

On 02/10/2014 at 5:37pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, at work, a customer asked me to unlock the restroom for them. I honestly couldn't figure out which gender they were, but I didn't want to be rude and ask, so I took a chance. I unlocked the wrong one. FML

#21056381
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42117) - you deserved it (4717)

On 02/10/2014 at 3:48pm - work - by elizabethkalyn (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, while playing a big basketball game, I had to run urgently to the bathroom because of a really hard diarrhea. I took the ball. FML

#21055217
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37303) - you deserved it (6955)

On 02/09/2014 at 9:36am - misc - by took it - United States (New York)

Today, I had to explain to my husband why saving the condom from the first time we had sex is not romantic. FML

#21054738
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45417) - you deserved it (4390)

On 02/08/2014 at 7:42pm - intimacy - by O_o - United States (California)

Today, after years of counseling and therapy for my anger issues, I snapped. Two words: Flappy Bird. FML

#21051812
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42667) - you deserved it (12100)

On 02/05/2014 at 10:39pm - misc - by tigerisabelle (woman) -

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. After a while, he started staring at my lady parts, and said my "vag looks like a mockingjay". He then stretched the lips apart like wings and made little "CA-CAW CA-CAW!" sounds. FML

#21033383
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49816) - you deserved it (7366)

On 01/19/2014 at 10:59pm - intimacy - by Goodyear (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my students unanimously agreed, in front of me, that the only reason they take my course is to look at my ass. FML

#21028396
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50562) - you deserved it (11265)

On 01/15/2014 at 12:54am - intimacy - by jseid2 - United States (California)

Today, my husband and I decided to have a quickie before the kids woke up from their nap. The sex was amazing and I couldn't hold in my screams or not hit the wall. About 15 minutes in, both of our children came busting in with their nerf guns, screaming, "Where's the monster?" FML

#21025946
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48295) - you deserved it (29429)

On 01/12/2014 at 8:53pm - intimacy - by anon (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, it was my birthday, so when I woke up, I came downstairs yelling, "ALL I WANT FOR MY BIRTHDAY, IS A BIG BOOTY HOE," only to find that my family had thrown me a surprise party. All my grandparents were at the bottom of the stairs. FML

#21025933
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30275) - you deserved it (37450)

On 01/12/2014 at 8:40pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my girlfriend told me that she is pregnant. I asked how it could be possible, since she's on birth control. She said she didn't know her antibiotics would interfere with it. She's a pharmacist. FML

#21024822
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52176) - you deserved it (6270)

On 01/11/2014 at 7:03pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)



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