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haven892

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haven892

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Saturday 19 July 1997 (17 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 282
  • Number of comments : 10
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About haven892 : Um.... Hey :) I'm Jordan haha

haven892's page activity

Visits<b>jballz</b> - the 08/19/2013 at 1:22pm

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haven892's favorite FMLs

Today, in the middle of the night, I got up to go get some water. When I came back, I was going to flop onto my bed, but I faceplanted into my floor. I'd forgotten that I'd rearranged my room and moved my bed. FML

#20406748
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33170) - you deserved it (19065)

On 12/19/2012 at 12:07am - misc - by ayye_its_nikki - United States (Texas)

Today, I returned home to my parents' house, drunk. Hungry, I grabbed a slice of bread and some butter and took two mouthfuls. Five hours later, my mother woke me up and dragged me to the kitchen. In the middle of the table was a buttered, half-eaten sponge. FML

#19959363
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11242) - you deserved it (37807)

On 07/19/2012 at 2:55pm - misc - by Bontempi (man) - France

Today, my girlfriend and I had dinner at my boss's house. Just before we were ready to eat, my girlfriend came to me with a desperate look in her eyes. Apparently, she took a dump, clogged the toilet, and it flooded. I took the hit for her, and now my boss thinks I'm a jackass. FML

#18198987
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36791) - you deserved it (3990)

On 11/09/2011 at 12:59am - love - by kdeeeceee - United States

Today, I woke up to a scream downstairs. My 13 year-old daughter was trying to bite her little brother's neck. No matter how hard I try, she will not believe that she is NOT and NEVER WILL BE a vampire. FML

#17162129
471 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38205) - you deserved it (5700)

On 07/18/2011 at 11:17am - kids - by xBubbles38 - United States

Today, I woke up to a scream downstairs. My 13 year-old daughter was trying to bite her little brother's neck. No matter how hard I try, she will not believe that she is NOT and NEVER WILL BE a vampire. FML

#17162129
471 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38205) - you deserved it (5700)

On 07/18/2011 at 11:17am - kids - by xBubbles38 - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend is extremely jealous of a stuffed toy that sits on my bed, all because it gets to 'sleep in the same bed as me and he doesn't.' Now, whenever he comes over, he throws it at the wall, death glares at it, then gets up and kicks it under my bed. FML

#16774144
361 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37186) - you deserved it (11873)

On 06/21/2011 at 12:46am - love - by holdengurl18 - China

Today, while sitting on the couch, my boyfriend came over, pulled his penis out of his fly, and started stabbing me in the face with it while humming the Jaws theme. FML

#14990668
292 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46228) - you deserved it (13262)

On 02/15/2011 at 2:28pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, in dance class, the instructor asked me to demonstrate the splits to the group. I slid down, my legs opening wider as I descended. I then loudly farted for the full 5 seconds it took to reach the ground. FML

#14613104
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34096) - you deserved it (5793) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/17/2011 at 11:44am - misc - by SkinsCastSelection - Switzerland - Chosen by the cast of Skins

Today, I was getting it on with my boyfriend. I started to come, screaming, "Ah... ah... ah... AHH!" To which he added, "Staying alive! Staying alive!" FML

#14608705
245 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30787) - you deserved it (19944) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/17/2011 at 1:24am - intimacy - by SkinsCastSelection - France - Chosen by the cast of Skins

Today, my husband's old fraternity brother came to visit. He fell out of his car, puked, then passed out drunk in our driveway. We got him to the bathroom where he fell asleep. He woke up at 4am, wandered around the house naked, pooped in my trash can, then passed out again. FML

#14445248
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28932) - you deserved it (3424)

On 01/02/2011 at 11:14pm - misc - by Kristin (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my wife got her second kidney stone in a month. I gave her some pills to help with the pain. An hour later she started hallucinating, pulled down her pants and tried to pee on our couch. FML

#14282049
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28286) - you deserved it (6114)

On 12/21/2010 at 4:25am - health - by qwaynick -

Today, I had to go to the bathroom. I was in a rush, so I went into the boys bathroom. I then had diarrhea. The entire basketball team was waiting for me outside the stall. They did a slow clap for me. FML

#14277581
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31672) - you deserved it (7482)

On 12/20/2010 at 9:31pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was playing hide and seek with a few friends. I hid in the bathroom, under the sink in a cabinet. I ended up having to sit there quiet as a mouse while my grandfather took an incredibly long and vile dump. I was too afraid to move. Let's just say he didn't rush it. FML

#14272041
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34608) - you deserved it (9059)

On 12/20/2010 at 12:09pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I saw Saw IV with my boyfriend. He held me close and said, "I'll protect you." A few seconds later, he jumped up so violently, he gave me a bloody nose, and ran screaming out of the room. FML

#14248345
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29765) - you deserved it (3432)

On 12/18/2010 at 2:14pm - love - by asdfghjkl (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be romantic to pick me up, throw me over his shoulder and take me to the bedroom. Little did he know that he literally threw me over his shoulder, and I face-planted on the ground. FML

#14194626
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28169) - you deserved it (2812)

On 12/13/2010 at 8:04pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)



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