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hannaaaahr's favorite FMLs
Today, I was in a training about the newest changes in CPR. The trainer was discussing chest compression techniques and said she prefers "good, fast, hard pumping." I was the only one who snickered out loud, drawing several annoyed looks from the other trainees. I'm a 45-year-old doctor. FML
by Anonymous / 07/25/2013 at 11:15pm / United States (North Carolina) / Work
Today, I helped my buddy write a sweet love letter to his girlfriend. After reading it, she dumped him for being an "Edward Cullen wannabe", and when my girlfriend found out, she dumped me for "cheating" on her by writing the letter in the first place. FML
by ........................... / 07/25/2013 at 12:17pm / Mexico (Distrito Federal) / Love
Today, I called a tree removal company to have my diseased elm removed. When I got home from work, I was surprised to find it still there. Not as surprised as my neighbor was to discover that his tree was missing, nor as surprised as his children when they saw there was no more tree-house. FML
by Anonymous / 07/18/2013 at 10:38am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/17/2013 at 4:27pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 07/17/2013 at 12:02pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals
by Anonymous / 07/17/2013 at 10:55am / United States / Work
Today, my boyfriend proposed to me at his parents' house. I was overjoyed. His mom hugged me with tears in her eyes. His father, who never really spoke before, hugged me a few hours later when we were alone, his hands traveling to my ass and whispering, "I can change your mind." FML
by ilivehere / 07/17/2013 at 10:20am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by ... cheers / 07/16/2013 at 4:32pm / United Kingdom (Renfrewshire) / Love
Today, I started doing it again. I'd given up for years, but when I saw the pack I just couldn't help myself. One taste was enough to make me finish off the whole pack. Nobody knows that I've fallen off the wagon and I'm so ashamed of myself. Today, I began eating my cat's biscuits again. FML
by Aliiiice / 07/16/2013 at 9:18am / France (Haute-Normandie) / Health
by lilly1105 / 07/15/2013 at 9:19am / United States (South Carolina) / Intimacy
by disataerkatie / 07/15/2013 at 6:30am / United Kingdom (Cardiff) / Love
Today, I held a house party. For fun, I made sure all the beer was alcohol-free, so I could see which of my friends would be weak-minded enough to end up acting drunk. Three did. I was one of them. FML
by scheisse / 07/14/2013 at 5:25pm / Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was browsing porn in my room, when my dad barged in. I quickly switched to another tab, only to see it was parked on another porn page. I had another browser window open, so I switched to that. More porn. My dad said, "Riiiggghhhttt... You need help, son." FML
by fuck / 07/13/2013 at 1:22pm / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up to a strange noise. I looked over to see my drunk husband standing at the dresser. I asked him what he was doing. "Peeing." I asked him, "In the sock drawer?" There was a pause. "Am I peeing in the wrong drawer?" FML
by speechless / 07/13/2013 at 10:32am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at a music festival, and my mum had told me not to to drink. Someone threw a cup of beer at me, and I was worried about smelling of alcohol. It's okay though, because a second cup of urine took the alcohol smell right away. FML
by Festivaler / 07/13/2013 at 3:14am / United Kingdom (Edinburgh, City of) / Miscellaneous