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hannaaaahr's favorite FMLs
Today, while I was peacefully sleeping, I felt a hand suddenly slap my forehead. Then fingers began to press against my mouth, then nose, then eyes. I finally woke up to my girlfriend laughing hysterically. She'd confused me with her clock-radio. FML
by Anonymous / 01/15/2012 at 4:44am / United States (Oklahoma) / Transportation
by anonymous / 01/13/2012 at 12:05am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
by Nate / 01/12/2012 at 12:36am / United States / Love
by YOURMOM / 12/31/2011 at 2:24am / United States (California) / Animals
by cj123 / 12/23/2011 at 3:43am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous
Today, while waiting for my train, I was listening to a voicemail message on my phone. Out of nowhere, a stranger came up to me from behind and screamed "DELETE!" into my ear. His voice command deleted my message. FML
by anna / 12/22/2011 at 4:25pm / France / Miscellaneous
Today, it was my first day working as a nightclub bartender. All through the evening, a really creepy bloke stood in a dark corner and leered at the girls on the dance floor. When I took the bouncer to one side to let him know, he told me the man was a coat stand. FML
by Bob smith / 12/19/2011 at 3:57pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Work
Today, after rocking my one-year old daughter for nearly two hours, she finally fell asleep. As I went to leave her room, I stubbed my toe. I now have a broken toe, a screaming child, and a wife who will be so proud that her daughter's first word is "FUCK!" FML
by DocBastard / 12/16/2011 at 9:29pm / United States / Kids
Today, the heating in my house broke down. I called my boyfriend and asked if I could stay at his place until I could get it fixed. He said no, and told me my overgrown leg hair would keep me warm. FML
by Anonymous / 12/16/2011 at 3:11pm / Sweden (Hallands Lan) / Love
by metallicatime / 12/15/2011 at 10:16pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
by jackgrant / 12/06/2011 at 8:01pm / Iran Islamic Republic of / Miscellaneous
by no low five / 11/30/2011 at 6:17am / United States / Love
Today, I was looking through some old family pictures for a scrapbook I'm making. I found images of my dad passed out in his underwear, my great-grandpa having a drunken bath, and an unidentified moustachioed man sitting on the toilet, giving the photographer the finger. FML
by Meowingtons500 / 11/27/2011 at 11:02pm / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Miscellaneous
by yollew / 11/25/2011 at 1:27am / United States (Oregon) / Health
- Today, I was having sex with the guy I've been in love with for years. I moaned, "say my name." He… Today, I realized that sex with my husband has gotten so boring that I'd rather fake an orgasm than… Today, my mom came into my bedroom and told me to listen to this voicemail. I listened to me and my…