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hannaaaahr's favorite FMLs
by lifesucks0925 / 09/06/2013 at 3:01am / United States (California) / Work
Today, I came home to find my housemate cowering in the lounge corner, sobbing, hugging a bag of chips while the automatic vacuum cleaner gently bumped into him. Apparently he "mistakenly" put magic mushrooms in his sandwich instead of peanut butter. FML
by down trodden / 09/05/2013 at 3:45am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous
by Python22 / 09/04/2013 at 8:52pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/04/2013 at 1:28pm / United States (South Dakota) / Health
Today, I couldn't sleep due to an awful head cold, so I stayed home from work. Apparently, the local high school marching band practices in the park across the street at 9am. They're doing the Imperial March music from Star Wars. They suck. FML
by lostinspace / 09/04/2013 at 12:24pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
by resurrected / 09/04/2013 at 11:59am / United Kingdom (West Sussex) / Work
by JustAnotherFML23 / 09/03/2013 at 9:32pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, I ended up taking a massive dump after being constipated for a while. I thought I was alone, so I pretended I was giving birth to my turd, and let out all kinds of sound effects. Next thing I know, I hear a knock at the door and my mom asking, "Should I call 911?" FML
by ugh / 09/03/2013 at 7:53pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health
Today, while writing a self-evaluation for my internship, I had to type up answers to certain questions and then submit them. After submission, I re-read one of the answers I had written that said, "After 3 months on the jon I finally feel like I have accomplished a lot." I had meant to write job. FML
by OnCompanyTimeToo / 09/01/2013 at 9:21pm / New Zealand (Canterbury) / Work
by fartz / 08/31/2013 at 2:04am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out that my grandma is a well-loved member of a notorious biker gang. Meanwhile, I'm a 32-year-old, single, minimum-wage nobody with no friends to speak of. She's probably getting more action than I ever will. FML
by no life to fuck :/ / 08/30/2013 at 7:37pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went down on my boyfriend, and tried out a new trick I learned. I read in a magazine that if you hum while giving oral, it's supposed to feel good. My boyfriend started laughing and told me to stop after 30 seconds because I reminded him of his singing toothbrush. FML
by Anonymous / 08/28/2013 at 12:11pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
by Alice / 08/28/2013 at 6:33am / United States (Oregon) / Kids
by Miami6and3 / 08/26/2013 at 2:22pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by KatVanGogh / 08/25/2013 at 9:16pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…
- Today, I had sex with a guy I had wanted for awhile. Or I think it counts as sex. Really, I thought… Today, I had to drive my sister home. We drove the half hour south to get to my Dad's, only to get… Today my boss fussed at me for something my co-worker did yesterday "because you were sitting right…