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girlwithguns's favorite FMLs
Today, a man started a deep conversation with me at the bus stop about life, death, and the miracles of things we take for granted every day. I was really enjoying it until he looked at his watch and said, "Oh shit, mushrooms make me lose track of time!" and ran off into the night. FML
by whatjusthappened / 12/20/2013 at 3:45am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by carboncoach / 12/13/2013 at 12:24pm / Egypt / Miscellaneous
by pootie / 12/11/2013 at 8:14am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got pulled over on the highway for going over the speed limit. The cop seemed nice, and I was sure he'd let me off with a warning, until my husband piped up with, "Didn't think you folks came out this far. What, the donut store got shut down or some shit?" I got the ticket. FML
by yulis / 11/30/2013 at 2:21pm / United States (Maryland) / Money
by Haberdashing / 11/13/2013 at 3:10pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health
Today, I was hitting on a girl, and I was sure I could get her to sleep with me. When she finally gave in and was putting her number into my phone, she called my mom and asked her if she raised me to "sexually harass women." FML
by not getting laid / 10/13/2013 at 10:38am / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, after having recently told my 4-year-old daughter that she won't grow big and tall if she doesn't eat her veggies, she decided to pass this wisdom on to a midget that we passed in the store. FML
by Anonymous / 09/11/2013 at 2:10pm / United States (Florida) / Kids
by bglenney / 08/15/2013 at 5:47am / United States (California) / Work
by kenbez123 / 08/14/2013 at 3:55am / Malta / Miscellaneous
by ANON / 08/13/2013 at 7:53pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 08/08/2013 at 7:10am / Latvia (Jelgavas) / Health
Today, I went to my local pool. I lay down in a chair and started tanning. About 30 minutes later, a lady came up to me and said, "Put that away, you pervert, there are children here!" I had a hole in my pants and my penis had started to poke through. FML
by Anonymous / 07/09/2013 at 12:07pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by BloodyMarry / 06/04/2013 at 1:53pm / United States / Love
Today, I went to the pharmacy to buy condoms. My card was declined, and I had to stand and watch in morbid fascination as the man behind me kindly paid for my purchase. His reason was "God forbid a maxed out Visa should get in the way of fucking." FML
by Samprib / 06/01/2013 at 1:09am / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy
Today, the doorbell rang. I saw my incredibly overbearing mum's car outside, so I stayed quiet and tried to sneak upstairs. As I crawled through the hallway, commando style, I realised the door blinds were still out for cleaning. If scowls could kill, I'd be roasting in Hell right now. FML
by Anonymous / 05/30/2013 at 8:40am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I asked my husband of 15 years to get a vasectomy, as he's said for the past 13 we are done… Today, I met the girl I've always wanted. She's cute, adorable, nice, and we have a lot in common.… Today, my vegan friend, not knowing that I'm allergic to soy, snuck tofu into my chicken burrito to…