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Today, my girlfriend found out you can use food coloring in anything. Everything she cooks is now in bright neon colors. I feel like I'm in a Dr Seuss book. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26201) - you deserved it (3970)
On 01/23/2013 at 8:44pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)
Today, my boyfriend ended sex by yelling, "THIS IS SPARTA!" and using his foot to push me off the bed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44650) - you deserved it (7275)
On 12/23/2012 at 11:55pm - intimacy - by Saradee (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was hit in the head by a golf ball. I wasn't near a golf course, and nobody was anywhere in sight. I'm still trying to figure out what happened. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30042) - you deserved it (2687)
On 12/17/2012 at 2:38pm - health - by wtf - United States
Today, at a Christmas party, my crush came up to me and cutely pointed out that I was standing under mistletoe. The only response my stupid brain could think of was, "Probably full of nargles though." He gave me a confused look and walked away. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19818) - you deserved it (8928)
On 12/16/2012 at 6:51pm - love - by Rhine (woman) - Barbados (Saint Michael)
Today, I ran into my infant daughter's room because I thought I heard her crying, and found she was still sound asleep in her crib. The screams were coming from the mouse our cat was using to paint her bedroom walls. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21512) - you deserved it (1672)
On 12/15/2012 at 10:55am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, after my girlfriend has recently become obsessed with the serial-killer show, Dexter, she has grown an interest in cutting up pomegranates in many different ways and squirting the red, blood-like juice everywhere. I am now afraid to argue with her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20837) - you deserved it (2458)
On 12/15/2012 at 7:33am - love - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, my brother paid the DJ $300 to ruin my wedding by playing the Imperial Death March as I walked down the aisle. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30534) - you deserved it (4017)
On 12/15/2012 at 3:52am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)
Today, my husband and I sat our 10-year-old daughter down for a chat over her recent cursing. When my husband asked where she'd heard the words, she "innocently" replied, "from mommy's other boyfriend." He took her seriously, accused me of cheating, and hasn't been home since. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24663) - you deserved it (4375)
On 12/14/2012 at 6:52pm - love - by mandybar15 (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, I got home late to find my dad outside mowing the lawn in the dark. I told him the neighbors were going to think he lost his marbles for mowing it at that time. He then informed me he wasn't mowing it, he was vacuuming it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22755) - you deserved it (1762)
On 11/13/2011 at 3:40am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was watching my cousin shoot at targets on hay bales with his plastic pellet BB gun. After my sister asked him if it would hurt to be shot with one, my cousin smiled at her and said, "Ask your sister" as he shot me in the leg. I think my screaming was obvious enough. It hurts. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20756) - you deserved it (2016)
On 10/16/2011 at 3:06am - misc - by ThanksChris (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I started my first day working at a toddler day care center. At one point I decided to play "got your nose" with one of the kids. It turns out this kid has a physical birth abnormality on his face. I got his nose... his prosthetic nose. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34145) - you deserved it (8525)
On 08/31/2011 at 12:04pm - kids - by MJjunior (man) - Australia (Western Australia)
Today, I went to the park with my friend and we decided to swing. While we were swinging, we decided to jump off backwards. All would have worked out fine if my pants hadn't gotten caught on the metal of the swing, leaving my bare butt exposed. The man who was in the park with his daughter left. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5186) - you deserved it (12979)
On 02/26/2010 at 10:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, we were having a school prize giving. I heard my name called and I walked up to the stage waving and smiling, feeling rather proud of myself. I stood by the microphone and started my acceptance speech, only to be tapped on the shoulder by the girl they actually called up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16775) - you deserved it (31707)
On 06/18/2009 at 9:05am - misc - by Jessey (woman) - United Kingdom (Swindon)
Today, my boyfriend decided to take me to dinner to meet his parents. As we pulled into the restaurant valet I saw a woman in a slutty dress and hooker heels get out of the car ahead of us. I jokingly asked if we had accidentally pulled into a strip club pointing to the woman. It was his mother. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20288) - you deserved it (51096)
On 04/20/2009 at 3:59am - misc - by SuperBunny (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was awarding medals to finalists in a school club. While putting one around someones neck, I ended up poking a girl in the eye. She tried to be a trooper by continuing to walk across stage but i guess her eyes got really watery because she missed the step and fell, breaking her ankle. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16555) - you deserved it (5654)
On 02/05/2009 at 3:13pm - misc - by Craig (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Monday 20 May 2013
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