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Funkymonkey475's favorite FMLs

Today, I was awarding medals to finalists in a school club. While putting one around someones neck, I ended up poking a girl in the eye. She tried to be a trooper by continuing to walk across stage but i guess her eyes got really watery because she missed the step and fell, breaking her ankle. FML

By Craig - / Thursday 5 February 2009 20:13 / United States

Today, I went on a date with the world's biggest lightweight. She got blind drunk on wine before dessert, and slurred, "You look like... like a black... blueberry." Amused, I said, "You mean a blackberry?" She stared at me for several long seconds, confused, then passed out. Check please. FML

By wowzer - / Thursday 28 August 2014 19:58 / Puerto Rico - Gurabo

Today, a schoolmate I've always secretly hated came over to my place to hang out. She found her way to my room and instantly noticed my dartboard, which I'd taped a picture of her face onto. FML

By Woops - / Wednesday 27 August 2014 22:57 / United States - Secaucus

Today, while my teacher was demonstrating how to use the ultrasound equipment, we all figured out that I'm pregnant. FML

By whotouchedyou1 / Tuesday 26 August 2014 02:37 / United States - Cypress

Today, my girlfriend's dad returned home from deployment. Being the grade A fucktard that I am, I got flustered and asked, "So um, did you make it back?" He looked me dead in the eyes and said completely deadpan, "No, obviously I died. Moron." FML

By whoops - / Friday 1 August 2014 20:45 / United States - Vincennes