Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

flinkpamingo

Search for a member

flinkpamingo

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1345
  • Number of comments : 171
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About flinkpamingo : Crap, I'm almost a fossil!! The incredibly PROUD mom of a U.S. soldier and a WONDERFUL dancer whom I greatly admire. When she marries soon, I will get to put my "grandma pants" on. WooHoo! Finally, someone to play with again and I can quit borrowing other people's kids !!

flinkpamingo's page activity

Visits<b>piedpiper303</b> - the 06/01/2014 at 6:09pm<b>DewRemixx</b> - the 03/21/2014 at 9:03pm<b>xDochx</b> - the 01/26/2014 at 12:58am<b>lrmarshall13</b> - the 07/07/2013 at 9:11am<b>goatcheese4you</b> - the 04/23/2013 at 7:02am<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 10:04pm<b>HiredAssasin69</b> - the 06/24/2011 at 5:36am<b>_SexyLexi_</b> - the 07/04/2010 at 8:32pm<b>Sdelta</b> - the 05/04/2010 at 11:50am<b>noidea</b> - the 11/14/2009 at 11:40am<b>PrinceTwilight17</b> - the 11/07/2009 at 9:46pm<b>kayla_f_babyyy</b> - the 11/06/2009 at 11:09am<b>ch2358</b> - the 10/28/2009 at 10:43pm<b>moonlight_daze</b> - the 10/11/2009 at 5:41am<b>GuerillaRated</b> - the 10/10/2009 at 10:24pm<b>Cat135</b> - the 10/09/2009 at 12:49pm<b>only1440minutes</b> - the 10/01/2009 at 8:36am<b>Daaniellee1234</b> - the 09/18/2009 at 12:44am

flinkpamingo's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

flinkpamingo's favorite FMLs

Today, my girlfriend of eight years explained to me that the Egyptian pyramids were built by aliens from Mars. I have a B.S. in Biology and an M.S. in Anthropology, and I am working on my Ph.D. She thinks I'm an irrational idiot for telling her she is wrong. FML

#3970394
348 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44724) - you deserved it (9407)

On 07/23/2009 at 2:13am - work - by published_anthropologist (man) - United States

Today, I was standing by the bed naked, waiting for my wife to come out of the bathroom. She opens the door and walks over to me, swinging her hips, wearing pratically nothing. About four feet from me, she trips on the edge of the floor mat, and uses my 'junk' to catch herself. FML

#3950301
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75134) - you deserved it (6074)

On 07/22/2009 at 10:12am - intimacy - by Gordon (man) - United States (Kansas)

Today, after a night of partying, I woke up in the middle of my co-ed dorm lobby to the sound of giggles. I was in a thong with $1 monopoly bills sticking out. I'm a guy. FML

#3849129
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14168) - you deserved it (46225)

On 07/18/2009 at 2:03am - misc - by joedoe (man) - United States (California)

Today, I thought it was a good idea to go number two while smoking a "cigarette". My ash tray was over by the sink so I decided to just ash in the toilet. While ashing between my legs, I sneezed and now I have a extremely uncomfortable burn on my man member. Smoking is bad. FML

#3821134
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7542) - you deserved it (82138)

On 07/17/2009 at 1:11am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my friend thought it would be funny to put a pretzel on my forehead while I was sleeping on the beach. I now have a pretzel-shaped tan line in the middle of my head. FML

#3816010
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43028) - you deserved it (8863)

On 07/16/2009 at 10:28pm - misc - by joe1234 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I learned that "Officer, I do not consent to any searches" means "Officer, please handcuff me, I am trying to be difficult" in cop speak. FML

#3687656
373 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45291) - you deserved it (21382)

On 07/12/2009 at 4:59am - misc - by whatrights - United States (California)

Today, it was my wedding day. I had my butt clenched during the ceremony. I was giving my husband the ring, but dropped it. When I went to retrieve it, I let a huge one ripe. My husband yelled "she likes to eat beans." FML

#3666100
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54678) - you deserved it (9419)

On 07/11/2009 at 12:41pm - misc - by 1234 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I decided to take a nap while babysitting my neighbors kids for the day. I was woken up by this obnoxious sound, only to find the youngest kid holding scissors in one hand, a pony tail of hair in his shorts jumping around like a horse, oh, and a bald spot on the back of my head. FML

#3620845
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18547) - you deserved it (53435)

On 07/09/2009 at 8:19pm - kids - by armybrat - United States (Virginia)

Today, my nine year old son went around telling everyone that me and my husband had a "foursome" last month. It turns out that some douchebag counselor at the camp he goes to thought it would be funny to tell him that a foursome was a divorce. All of his friend's parents think we're kinky freaks. FML

#3571839
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43126) - you deserved it (3319)

On 07/08/2009 at 1:02am - kids - by campmom (woman) -

Today, was my wedding. After eating, I had an urge to fart. I let one rip just before my husband and I were called to do the garter dance. He seductively tried to use his teeth to remove the garter and came out from under my dress dry heaving. I dutch ovened my husband in front of everyone. FML

#3484293
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52328) - you deserved it (23371)

On 07/04/2009 at 5:07pm - love - by DutchOven (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my husband's rich aunt and uncle came in town and handed us an envelope and said we hope this helps out with the student loans. Inside the envelope was just an article on new student loan procedures and how to get lower payments. FML

#3430173
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41174) - you deserved it (8236)

On 07/02/2009 at 4:37pm - money - by kbrider (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went to my 7 year old son's school for a conference with his teacher. When I got there, the teacher said "she adored me for who and what I am". I was puzzled. Turns out my son told his class that I am a "lesbian American." Wrong. I'm Lebanese-American. FML

#3364803
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53406) - you deserved it (3330)

On 06/30/2009 at 12:17pm - kids - by lebanesewoman (woman) - Hong Kong

Today, I was cashiering at Target when an old woman came into my checkout line. Her items? Variety pack of pleasuring condoms, a bottle of KY sensual lube, and two colorful thongs. As I'm scanning these, she leans in and whispers, "I love toys." FML

#3129056
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49389) - you deserved it (2931)

On 06/22/2009 at 8:21pm - work - by the_captain (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I got a call from my son's second grade teacher. He happens to write and throw with both hands, and wanted to share this during show and tell. Apparently, he didn't know the word for this is ambidextrous, because his teacher told me, "Your son just told the whole class that he's bisexual!" FML

#3120236
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50312) - you deserved it (4919)

On 06/22/2009 at 2:12pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I picked up my 17 years old daughter after a late night movie in down town and got pulled over by a cop. He questioned us for a solicitation. I told the cop that she was my daughter but he said "so you are the daddy" and laughed. Good to know that my daughter looks like a ho and I a perv. FML

#2940204
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60180) - you deserved it (5742)

On 06/16/2009 at 1:22pm - intimacy - by enderw (man) - United States



FML's blog

  • Jim Trim's Illustrated FML
  • Action stations! I'm back from my holiday, I've got some sort of weirdly uneven tan and I already want to go back to the beach to bum about and finish off my colouring book. But I can't. I'm still…

Friday 29 August 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: