About finnrambo : who gives two shits?
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finnrambo's favorite FMLs
Today, I was at the cafeteria of my school with my boyfriend and he dumped me. I was kinda expecting it. What I wasn't expecting was that he'd start running in front of everyone, screaming "FREEEEEEEEEDOM!" at the top of his lungs and that he'd kiss the first girl he saw. FML
by Anonymous / 06/12/2009 at 2:39am / Canada (Quebec) / Love
Today, I had the closing shift at work in a cafe and there was a man and lady left. I made them coffee and started to close up. When the lady finished her coffee she grabbed my arm and said 'I think that man is masturbating' and leaves in a hurry. I had to wait for him to finish before closing. FML
by MBG / 06/05/2009 at 3:43am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy
Today, I picked up my 4-year-old daughter from day care. As we're driving home, a butterfly lands on the windshield. Just as my daughter comments on how pretty the butterfly is, I turned a corner and accidentally hit the windshield wipers and smeared the pretty butterfly across the windshield. FML
by reb2632 / 05/29/2009 at 4:13pm / United States (Michigan) / Transportation
Today, my friend Kate and I were helping build a playground. Halfway through, a construction worker asks where we go to school. I told him we graduated and proudly held degrees in psych. The construction worker stopped mid-dig, glanced at us sadly and said, "yeah that's what my degree's in too." FML
by blairheir721 / 05/17/2009 at 12:20am / United States (Ohio) / Work
Today, in math class we were learning about gravity. To demonstrate my teacher asked me to stand on the desk and then step off. Upon stepping on the desk it curved inward and cracked. Everyone was dying of laughter. Fuck gravity. FML
by systeminitiated / 05/02/2009 at 12:55am / Canada / Miscellaneous
Today, I saw a very attractive female police officer while at the DMV. Thinking myself suave, I asked her: "Is it sexual harassment if I tell you how beautiful I think you are, and ask for your phone number?" Apparently it was. FML
by ShamedJP / 04/03/2009 at 6:05pm / United States (New York) / Love
Today, I had my girlfriend over and we were hugging when she put her feet on my feet. We started walking around like that and I said, "This is hard to maintain." She replied with "So's your erection." FML
by Anonymous / 03/20/2009 at 11:07am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
by thiswouldhappen. / 03/16/2009 at 10:19pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, I was teasing my little brother. Later that night, I went to the bathroom to wash up. While I'm brushing my teeth, my little brother slips a photo under the door that shows him scrubbing my toothbrush against his nuts. FML
by mr.palendrome / 03/05/2009 at 9:27pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to the movies with some girlfriends. The guy behind us was making these pervy, heavy breathing noises, so we threw some popcorn at him. When the movie finished, we saw him in a wheelchair - with a breathing tube sticking out of his neck. FML
by sheyo / 03/04/2009 at 8:13pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Health
Today, my wife and I were driving to the gas station, she let me out before she pulled up to the pumps because I had to buy some things from the store. I returned to see my wife proudly filling the tank. Smiling, she told me that diesel was cheaper than regular gas. We don't own a diesel car. FML
by Damn_her / 03/04/2009 at 7:04pm / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Love
by Mofisto / 02/15/2009 at 5:43am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was baby-sitting four rather noisy and rowdy kids. After a two hour struggle, I finally manage to get them into bed. I then ask them what they want before going to sleep, and the eldest replies: "Can you tell us a story where you die at the end?" FML
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…
- Today, I was in the shower with my boyfriend, and things started to get heated. That's where it all… Today, my boyfriend asked if I could grow out my pubic hair since I usually wax it. He said his mom… Today, I was having sex and wanted to move to the wall, so I picked her up, got my foot stuck in my…