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father_metal

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father_metal's favorite FMLs

Today, my mother is trying to convince me to divorce my husband. He has a tattoo of a skull on his shoulder and she believes this means he kills people. FML

#19742769
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23653) - you deserved it (2570)

On 06/06/2012 at 4:06am - love - by facepalm (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I walked in on my roommate trying to smoke a Mars bar. FML

#19737308
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18427) - you deserved it (2097)

On 06/05/2012 at 5:03am - misc - by holyshart - United States

Today, I found out that my new girlfriend breastfeeds her dolls. FML

#19730259
281 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31015) - you deserved it (3057)

On 06/04/2012 at 12:34am - misc - by whattheheck - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I was operating on a young girl, when she began to awaken during the surgery. We quickly put her back under, of course, but now I'm terrified that she'll remember my profuse cursing and get me in the shit with my curmudgeonly killjoy of a boss. FML

#19727538
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21819) - you deserved it (10183)

On 06/03/2012 at 4:27pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I woke up after a night of partying and heavy drinking. Apparently word travels quickly, because everyone now knows that I spent hours lying in an empty bathtub, rubbing shampoo over my body with the expectation that it'd increase my penis size. FML

#19726729
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7194) - you deserved it (29770)

On 06/03/2012 at 1:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Spain (Castilla y Leon)

Today, I found out that my colleagues had replaced my email auto-responder with a message saying, "I'm away for two weeks in Brazil. Due to the surgery, when I return, please address me by my new name: Crystal." FML

#19710494
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29145) - you deserved it (2817) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 05/31/2012 at 4:19pm - love - by Monsieur-Madame (man) - France (Champagne-Ardenne)

Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML

#19710160
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10173) - you deserved it (29671)

On 05/31/2012 at 3:03pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, I spilled loose face powder on myself while applying my make-up. My sister subsequently walked in on me vacuuming my crotch. FML

#19709039
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18665) - you deserved it (3846)

On 05/31/2012 at 9:43am - misc - by anon (woman) - United Kingdom (Dorset)

Today, I was cutting the grass, it was really hot and I fainted. I woke up to see my mom standing over me. I thought she was going to freak out and call an ambulance. Instead she said, "Good, you're up. Now you can finish." FML

#19705989
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23481) - you deserved it (2058)

On 05/30/2012 at 7:07pm - misc - by Aw522 - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I had to sneak out of work to get my daughter from her school. Apparently, she had thought that hurling a bowling ball down the stairs during the lunch hour rush would make her cool. In actual fact, it made her expelled. FML

#19704812
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22402) - you deserved it (2468)

On 05/30/2012 at 2:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Vale of Glamorgan, The)

Today, I had a babysitting job. When I got there, the parents were rushing out the door and told me they'd left instructions for the kids on the table. The first bullet point stated that the oldest was convinced she is possessed by the devil, but just to ignore it. Three more hours to go. FML

#19701580
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25807) - you deserved it (1648)

On 05/29/2012 at 9:55pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Iowa)

Today, I had to get the manager of a grocery store to explain to his employee how coupons work. The employee had refused to accept the coupons I was using, for fear that, "they will be deducted from my paycheck." FML

Today, on Facebook, my sister posted a ton of photos of herself wearing a skimpy bikini, commenting that she looked hideous and fat. I can't stand attention-seeking fuckballs, so I called her on it. My mother then condemned me for "mocking" my sister, and grounded me for an entire month. FML

#19689652
233 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32524) - you deserved it (5441)

On 05/27/2012 at 5:53pm - misc - by namenlos (man) - Australia

Today, I had three things converge that should never be together: my period, hot doctor, and a colonoscopy. FML

#19687199
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31742) - you deserved it (2499)

On 05/27/2012 at 3:42am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I ran out of the house after my dog, tripped and knocked myself out on the railing by the front step. I woke up to my little brother lifting up the back of my dress for the neighborhood to see. FML

#19682386
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20940) - you deserved it (2235)

On 05/26/2012 at 7:06am - kids - by Never Work With Animals or Children (woman) - United States (California)



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