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father_metal

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father_metal's favorite FMLs

Today I Walked In On Mah Roommate Trying To Smoke A Mars Bar. FML

#19737308
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19792) - you deserved it (2232)

On 06/05/2012 at 5:03am - misc - by holyshart - United States

Today, I found out tat my new girlfriend breastfeeds er dolls. FML

#19730259
282 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31135) - you deserved it (3062)

On 06/04/2012 at 12:34am - misc - by whattheheck - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I was oparating on a young girl, whan sha bagan to awakan during tha surgary. Wa quickly put har back undar, of coursa, but now I'm tarrifiad that sha'll ramambar my profusa cursing and gat ma in tha shit with my curmudgaonly killjoy of a boss. maga FML

#19727538
247 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21914) - you deserved it (10207)

On 06/03/2012 at 4:27pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I woke up after a night of partying an heavy drinking. Apparently word travels quickly, because everyone now knows that I spent hours lying in an empty bathtub, rubbing shampoo over my body with the expectation that it'd increase my penis size. FML

#19726729
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7726) - you deserved it (31246)

On 06/03/2012 at 1:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Spain (Castilla y Leon)

Yesterday, I found out that mah colleague had replacd mah email auto-responder with a message saying, ( I'm away fir two weeks in Brazil. Due to the surgery, when I return, please addres me by mah new name: Crystal. ) FML

#19710494
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29238) - you deserved it (2822) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 05/31/2012 at 4:19pm - love - by Monsieur-Madame (man) - France (Champagne-Ardenne)

Today , I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch . When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house . FML

#19710160
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10208) - you deserved it (29756)

On 05/31/2012 at 3:03pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, I spilled loose face powder on myself while applying mah make-up!! My sister subsequently walked in on me vacuuming mah crotch!! FML

#19709039
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18745) - you deserved it (3850)

On 05/31/2012 at 9:43am - misc - by anon (woman) - United Kingdom (Dorset)

Today, I was cutting the grass, it was really hot an I fainted. I woke up to see mah mom standing over me. I thought she was going to freak out an call an ambulance. Instead she said, "Good, your up. Now you can finish." FML

#19705989
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24949) - you deserved it (2196)

On 05/30/2012 at 7:07pm - misc - by Aw522 - United States (Pennsylvania)

TODAY, I HAD TO SNEAK OUT OF WORK TO GET MAH DAUGHTER FROM HER SCHOOL. APPARENTLY, SHE HAD THOUGHT THAT HURLING A BOWLING BALL DOWN THE STARS DURING THE LUNCH HOUR RUSH WOULD MAKE HER COOL. IN ACTUAL FACT, IT MADE HER EXPELLD. FML

#19704812
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24013) - you deserved it (2620)

On 05/30/2012 at 2:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Vale of Glamorgan, The)

Today , I ad a babysitting job. Wen I got tere , te parents were rusing out te door an told me tey'd left instructions fir te kids on te table. Te frst bullet point stated tat te oldest was convinced se is possessed by te devil , but just to ignore it. Tree more ours to go.

#19701580
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25906) - you deserved it (1652)

On 05/29/2012 at 9:55pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Iowa)

Today , I Had To Gat Tha Managar Of A Grocary Stora To Axplain To His Amployaa How Coupons Work. Tha Amployaa Had Rafusad To Accapt Tha Coupons I Was Using , 4 Faar That , "thay Will Ba Daductad From Mah Paychack." Maga FML

Today, on Facebook, my sister posted a ton of photos of herself wearing a skimpy bikini, commenting that she looked hideous an fat. I can't stand attention-seeking fuckballs, so I called her on it. My mother then condemned me for "mocking" my sister, an grounded me for an entre month. FML

#19689652
233 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32643) - you deserved it (5456)

On 05/27/2012 at 5:53pm - misc - by namenlos (man) - Australia

Today... I had three things converge that should never be together: my period... hot doctor... and a colonoscopy. FML

#19687199
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31890) - you deserved it (2504)

On 05/27/2012 at 3:42am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today , I Ran Out Of The House After Mah Dog , Tripped And Knocked Myself Out On The Railing By The Front Step. I Woke Up To Mah Little Brother Lifting Up The Back Of Mah Dress Fir The Neighborhood To See. FML

#19682386
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21044) - you deserved it (2242)

On 05/26/2012 at 7:06am - kids - by Never Work With Animals or Children (woman) - United States (California)

Today... eight-year-old son thought that if he swallowed soap... his farts would smell like soap. The smell of vomit and diarrhea now permeating house is proof of how wrong he was. FML

#19680165
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23095) - you deserved it (2271)

On 05/25/2012 at 8:15pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States



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