father_metal

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father_metal

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  • Number of visits : 5535
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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father_metal's page activity

Visits<b>Dodge4x4Ram</b> - the 10/25/2013 at 3:08am<b>bioss89</b> - the 08/11/2013 at 12:10pm<b>Greenmarsh</b> - the 07/31/2013 at 6:18am<b>endermanthecat</b> - the 07/20/2013 at 10:46pm<b>websphere69</b> - the 06/07/2013 at 9:23pm<b>NaN101</b> - the 04/14/2013 at 5:24am

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father_metal's favorite FMLs

Today, I found out that my husband and my cat have something in common; they both like to lick themselves. FML

by Anonymous / 06/19/2012 at 6:51am / Canada (British Columbia) / Love

Today, I was getting dirty with my boyfriend. It was the first time he had fingered anyone, and the only thing he said was, "It feels like the inside of my asshole." FML

by Anonymous / 06/18/2012 at 11:33pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, my husband recorded me getting out of bed and sleepwalking all the way into the backyard and straight into our pool. He was too busy giggling like a schoolgirl to help me out. FML

by Myriam / 06/18/2012 at 12:05pm / Maldives (Maale) / Miscellaneous

Today, my grandmother threatened to kill herself with a banana. She then got angry with me when I didn't attempt to get the banana away from her. My mom punished me because I didn't take the situation seriously enough. FML

by DwarfFrog / 06/18/2012 at 7:38am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I learned that when my girlfriend told me that she's a different person without coffee and smokes in the morning, she wasn't kidding; after I'd asked her how she'd slept, she bitched me out for "mocking her" and hurled a hairdryer at my head. FML

by crazybitch / 06/18/2012 at 12:57am / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, my sister asked me if I was going to be getting married "for real" this time, because she didn't want to waste her money like she did on my previous engagement. The reason that one didn't work out in the first place is because she slept with my fiancé. FML

by Anonymous / 06/16/2012 at 3:03pm / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, I trimmed my beard. When I showed my wife, she said, "Yeah, but you still look like a serial killer." FML

by Schaf_12 / 06/16/2012 at 2:10pm / Austria (Wien) / Love

Today, my son paid the price for emulating his idols, aka the sub-human scum on Jersey Shore. He called me from jail and actually had the balls to try to guilt me into bailing him out, after he'd been arrested for punching his girlfriend at a liquor store. FML

by Anonymous / 06/15/2012 at 8:00pm / United States (Ohio) / Kids

Today, I was joking around with my eight-year-old son. I told him to pull my finger. I farted, then laughed. He decided to try it on his mother. When she pulled his finger, he crapped his pants. He told her I taught him how to do it. FML

by habbsrule / 06/15/2012 at 10:21am / Canada / Kids

Today, I learned that if you're going to use vicks vapor rub for a cold, you should remember to wash your hands before changing your tampon. FML

by sickness_sucks / 06/15/2012 at 2:19am / Canada (British Columbia) / Health

Today, my face got intimate with several plywood boards, and I suffered lacerations and bruising. I told my friends I got the wounds from taking a few guys down in a bar fight. Now they're dragging me out into a rough part of town to give them "muscle" while they try to score some crack. FML

by Anonymous / 06/14/2012 at 4:59pm / United Kingdom (Croydon) / Health

Today, I found out that my wife and two teenage daughters' periods are all one week after the other. I am living in hell almost every single day. FML

by anonymous / 06/14/2012 at 10:54am / China (Jiangsu) / Health

Today, I found out that if you whistle Christmas carols while shitting in a public bathroom, a little boy might just look under the stall to see if Santa is pooping. FML

by ww2freak / 06/13/2012 at 9:17pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up to the sight of my boyfriend playing a game on my iPhone with his penis. FML

by Rosie / 06/13/2012 at 12:07pm / Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen) / Intimacy

Today, I came home to my boyfriend emptying his bowels into my aquarium. FML

by fledermausi / 06/12/2012 at 9:02am / Hungary (Budapest) / Love