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father_metal

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father_metal's favorite FMLs

Today, I went in to get my first tattoo. I'd put a lot of thought into it and was really excited when the day came. Long story short, the Celtic knot I'd gotten turned out to have an alternate meaning of "female sex slave." The faces my very Irish family made were beyond words. FML

#20511821
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17191) - you deserved it (44257)

On 02/18/2013 at 3:50am - intimacy - by UnluckyInk (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I watched The Passion of the Christ with my girlfriend. She kept scoffing at what she called the "historical inaccuracies", and actually tried to convince me that Hitler killed Jesus. When I corrected her, she looked at me, mouth agape, as if I was insane. FML

#20498635
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31509) - you deserved it (4634)

On 02/08/2013 at 7:44pm - love - by and she doesn't even give bjs (man) - Argentina (Distrito Federal)

Today, my teenage son taught my five-year-old daughter how to fake her own death. I walked into the kitchen today to find her lying still on the floor, covered in ketchup. She laughed when I began to scream. FML

#20460540
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40816) - you deserved it (4256)

On 01/15/2013 at 9:41am - kids - by Nightmare (woman) -

Today, I found out that my son told my daughter at some point that "real" name for Hershey's Kisses is "blowjobs." I found this out because at kindergarten she was asked what her favorite food was. The teacher wasn't happy when she called me. FML

#20452458
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31479) - you deserved it (2658)

On 01/10/2013 at 7:51pm - kids - by Grant - United States

Today, I found my diary on my mother's nightstand. Bookmarked. FML

#20417856
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39805) - you deserved it (4059)

On 12/24/2012 at 1:07am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)

Today, my boyfriend ended sex by yelling, "THIS IS SPARTA!" and using his foot to push me off the bed. FML

#20417691
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55494) - you deserved it (9867)

On 12/23/2012 at 11:55pm - intimacy - by Saradee (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I received a package from a local guy on Craigslist. Instead of the iPhone I paid $350 for, the box only contained a photo of an iPhone. The guy had been dumb enough to attach a return address, so my husband went over and beat the shit out of him. I now have to bail him out of jail. FML

#20416192
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40702) - you deserved it (11888)

On 12/23/2012 at 12:52pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I had to explain to my fiancé that having me watch him jerk off over a porno is not in fact considered foreplay. FML

#20409320
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41035) - you deserved it (11101)

On 12/20/2012 at 5:45pm - intimacy - by alicia (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, the highly intoxicated singer of my band decided it would be a wonderful idea to squat down and take a shit on stage in the middle of a gig. FML

#20408486
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37002) - you deserved it (4267)

On 12/20/2012 at 3:16am - misc - by dudeyouarefired -

Today, my drunk girlfriend maxed out my credit card, on an "authentic" Jesus Christ autograph on eBay. FML

#20397287
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27756) - you deserved it (4706)

On 12/12/2012 at 9:14pm - misc - by maxedoutidiot - United States

Today, I found out my new girlfriend is a screamer. This would normally turn me on, except she sounds like she's being murdered with a rusty fork. FML

#20193609
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34631) - you deserved it (3987)

On 12/06/2012 at 9:24am - intimacy - by Dontwaketheneighbors (man) - United States (California)

Today, while getting a hernia exam, I accidentally ran my fingers through my doctor's hair. FML

#20188881
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20402) - you deserved it (7851)

On 12/03/2012 at 12:06am - health - by WTFFAIL (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I've been on duty at the hospital for just three hours so far, and I've already pulled five carving forks out of four different people. Good job, everybody. FML

#20174027
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22332) - you deserved it (1521)

On 11/22/2012 at 4:03pm - work - by DocFUCKINGHATESSTUPIDPEOPLE (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, while working as a massage therapist, a client had me work on a very specific knot in his shoulder. He also happened to have a very detailed, very realistic tattoo of the crucifixion on his shoulder. I just spent 45 minutes violating Jesus. FML

#20173351
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20507) - you deserved it (3657)

On 11/22/2012 at 1:50am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found my childhood diary stashed in a box in the attic. I flipped to the last page and noticed a little note written by my now deceased father. It read, "Well son, this diary proves that you're a whiny asshole - Dad." Thanks Dad, from beyond the grave. FML

#20161095
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22525) - you deserved it (3851)

On 11/12/2012 at 9:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)



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