falcons14

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falcons14

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  • Number of visits : 602
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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falcons14's favorite FMLs

Today, I was in the line at Chipotle and noticed a very attractive lady in her mid 20's. I deliberately took the table next to her and her friend and happened to overhear what they were talking about. They were both discussing how much diarrhea they were going to have when they got home. FML

by maximus / 01/19/2010 at 7:08pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I came home from a year long backpacking trip in Europe. During my absence my parents divorced, dad took the house and most of the money, sister is seven months pregnant, brother was arrested for statutory rape, and my mom pawned all my stuff to buy booze to "cope." Oh, and my fish died. FML

by Anonymous / 12/28/2009 at 7:08am / United States (Washington) / Holidays

Today, I was in bed with my cat on my lap. No one was around, so I felt comfortable enough to let out a huge fart. What I didn't expect was my cat jumping up and then clawing and biting my crotch. FML

by axwound / 12/27/2009 at 8:04am / United States (Florida) / Animals

Today, the guy I've had a crush on came over to my house. My Dad came in to see how we we're doing, looks at me and says "Man... You've REALLY been puttin' on the pounds!", pokes me in the stomach a few times, and leaves. FML

by Fatty / 12/27/2009 at 2:15am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was visited by Child Protective Services. Seems someone on my street reported me for neglect because I cloth diaper my children. I moved in less than 6 months ago, so I guess this is how they say, "welcome to the neighborhood" about these parts. FML

by ClothMom / 12/08/2009 at 2:02am / United States (Hawaii) / Kids

Today, I realized that I'm a sleepwalker and for the past week, that dream where I was giving my roommate a blowjob was real. He just pretended it never happened. FML

by chacha / 11/28/2009 at 1:11pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I invited my crush to come and spend thanksgiving dinner with me and my family, she agreed but asked me if she could bring her friend. Turns out her "friend" was actually her boyfriend and they drank all the expensive wine I bought. FML

by lonelyguy / 11/27/2009 at 10:02pm / Puerto Rico / Love

Today, I went to go see my boyfriend of over two years in a play. I knew that he'd be kissing his female opposite at the end of the show and I was okay with that. I snuck into his dressing room at intermission to find him "rehearsing" with her half naked. FML

by irishbitch / 11/15/2009 at 2:51am / Love

Today, I was reading my students' Halloween stories I made them write for my creative writing class in high school. One of my students wrote about attacking me. She got my street address perfect and everything. FML

by Teaching / 11/12/2009 at 2:17am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I took my car through the car wash. I got bored, so turned the radio on, forgetting that the aerial/antenna on the car is automatic. My car aerial is now bent at a 90 degree angle and about to fall off. The radio is half white noise, half stuff that may or may not be free jazz jam sessions. FML

by ohsnap / 10/28/2009 at 6:14am / Australia (Western Australia) / Transportation

Today, I was walking in the park when I was hit on the shin by a red ball. I was confused, until it was followed by an enormous German Shepherd dog going at top speed. FML

by Lizofsmeg / 10/26/2009 at 12:24pm / United Kingdom (Brent) / Health

Today, my fiance told me he thought it was time that we started to see other people. I'm six months pregnant with his baby. FML

by Marcella / 10/24/2009 at 12:49am / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, I found out who the father of my sister's 4 year old son is. My husband of 7 years. FML

by Jessica / 10/21/2009 at 2:31pm / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Kids

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend with the cliché of the diamond ring in a champagne glass. Apparently there was an off-duty police officer across the room watching me slip the ring into the glass. He thought I was slipping in a date-rape drug and tackled me down before I could propose. FML

by Anonymous / 09/26/2009 at 10:18pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, my boyfriend and I were playing a game where you ask sexual questions and you have to give an honest answer. At one point, I asked my boyfriend what his favorite position is, to which he quickly answered with no hesitation, "Any one where I don't have to see your face or body." FML

by uglyallover / 09/20/2009 at 10:42am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy