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falcons14

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falcons14
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  • Number of visits : 93
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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falcons14's favorite FMLs

Today, my date asked if I could drive his friend home before we went out for breakfast. His friend had blonde hair, big boobs and wore a skimpy black dress. He wasn't 100% sure of her name. I guess I drove home my date's one night stand. FML

#16076552
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28738) - you deserved it (9011)

On 05/07/2011 at 9:25am - intimacy - by lawl (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my mother told me she forgot what a verb is. I'm homeschooled, and she's my teacher. FML

#16052979
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32664) - you deserved it (3636)

On 05/05/2011 at 1:38am - misc - by asadwa -

Today, my brother thought it would be hilarious to take a pair of scissors to all my bras. My mom can't take me shopping for another three days and I have no one to borrow a bra from. I have school. FML

#16003587
396 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32255) - you deserved it (3016)

On 05/01/2011 at 12:11pm - money - by Anonymous - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I attended a funeral. During the minute of silence, my phone went off. My ringtone is "It's good to be alive". FML

#15616538
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16162) - you deserved it (41106)

On 04/03/2011 at 3:02am - misc - by JJMan217 (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my crush gave me a ride home. When I opened the door to get out, he switched the gear to reverse, thinking the car was in park. I got run over by the car door. FML

#15354612
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25676) - you deserved it (2990)

On 03/17/2011 at 5:26pm - misc - by boom - United States (Maryland)

Today, my bird learned to mimic my fire alarm. It proved it to me at 3 am. FML

#15341200
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23915) - you deserved it (3278)

On 03/16/2011 at 8:12pm - animals - by MacGrouber (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I had an hour-long massage, meditated for while and was finally feeling good. Then I had to call an ambulance for my idiot father who had managed to get alcohol poisoning. FML

#15062503
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21258) - you deserved it (2509)

On 02/21/2011 at 5:22am - misc - by meme71 -

Today, I broke my arm. When I got home from the doctors with my cast, I fell asleep on the couch from the medicine. When I woke up, there were swastikas, "I love the KKK", and multiple penises written all over my cast. My dad thought it would be funny. FML

#14750549
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26346) - you deserved it (3104)

On 01/28/2011 at 11:10pm - health - by Mervin22 - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I accidentally said, "Bye, love you," to a co-worker as I clocked out. Before I made it home, I had six missed calls and a long text from my co-worker professing her love to me. FML

#14743806
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21222) - you deserved it (11108)

On 01/28/2011 at 2:55pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, it was my daughter's birthday. She had been wanting a cat for a long time, so I went to the animal shelter and got an orange one. As soon as she saw it, she ran upstairs screaming, "GINGER! GINGER!" She refuses to come downstairs until I get rid of "the soulless creature." FML

#14644616
357 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27618) - you deserved it (6171)

On 01/19/2011 at 10:44pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I had to repeat my order in Starbucks three times because the barista was staring at my chest. FML

#14572536
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19132) - you deserved it (10034)

On 01/13/2011 at 11:30pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland

Today, without even trying, I convinced my 17-year-old daughter that blueberries are just peas holding their breath. I have raised a complete airhead. FML

#14164412
227 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30301) - you deserved it (49856)

On 12/11/2010 at 9:44am - kids - by parentfail (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my doctor told me to buy some KY Jelly and a dildo to help "loosen me up" so sex isn't so painful. I haven't been able to have sex for 6 months because it hurts so badly, and now my doctor has basically told me to go fuck myself. FML

#13937569
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27258) - you deserved it (6904)

On 11/22/2010 at 2:36pm - intimacy - by painfulintercourse - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was outside eating my lunch when an old man pulled his pants down and took a dump on the sidewalk next to me. FML

#13805619
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23375) - you deserved it (2247)

On 11/11/2010 at 7:54pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I tried to put my friend's hand in lukewarm water while he was sleeping, to see if he'd pee himself. He woke up and punched me in the face. FML

#13426894
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4332) - you deserved it (52733)

On 10/12/2010 at 10:09pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)



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