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falcons14

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falcons14's favorite FMLs

Today, I was working at the mall as Santa, when a little girl took a shit in my lap. FML

#18495546
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36787) - you deserved it (3917)

On 12/12/2011 at 4:45pm - kids - by Santa - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I sat on the kitchen counter in my boxers for ten minutes running my feet under hot water. Why? Because my dad thought it would be funny to superglue my feet together. FML

#18491637
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29310) - you deserved it (2721)

On 12/12/2011 at 1:38am - misc - by lucas - United States (Alaska)

Today, I found out that the gentle, adorable oral surgeon who took out my wisdom teeth last year was recently arrested for rape. FML

#18416702
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30073) - you deserved it (2411)

On 12/03/2011 at 1:43am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend discovered that I fart when I'm tickled enough. The best part was when he decided to show his family. FML

#18393889
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29176) - you deserved it (3125)

On 11/30/2011 at 12:55pm - misc - by Madi - United States (California)

Today, I scored the winning goal in my soccer tournament. For the other team. FML

Today, without telling me, my mom dropped me off at my grandmother's house, and drove off. Now I'm supposed to spend the next month with her. Guess she forgot my grandma died six weeks ago. FML

#18062520
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45240) - you deserved it (2658)

On 10/24/2011 at 10:55am - misc - by lonely - United States (California)

Today, I thought it would be a great idea to tell my co-worker to calm down when he appeared to be very uptight. He thought it would be a great idea to punch me right in the face. FML

#18037423
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20475) - you deserved it (11669)

On 10/21/2011 at 7:37am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my twin boys who are 5 decided to teach each other how to fly off the shed out back. They are still in their pajamas. Batman's arm is broken and Spiderman has a slight concussion. FML

#18022351
317 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32052) - you deserved it (6335)

On 10/19/2011 at 10:03am - kids - by optimistic2628 - United States

Today, for our 3rd anniversary, I gave my boyfriend a watch, courtesy of Rolex. He gave me herpes, courtesy of his other girlfriend. FML

#18014393
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49947) - you deserved it (4548)

On 10/18/2011 at 10:16am - health - by stdpositivenow (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was watching my cousin shoot at targets on hay bales with his plastic pellet BB gun. After my sister asked him if it would hurt to be shot with one, my cousin smiled at her and said, "Ask your sister" as he shot me in the leg. I think my screaming was obvious enough. It hurts. FML

#17995977
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26266) - you deserved it (2820)

On 10/16/2011 at 3:06am - misc - by ThanksChris (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had to explain to a patient that no, her nipples were not slowly getting smaller. FML

#17958269
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21019) - you deserved it (2126)

On 10/11/2011 at 5:43am - work - by Anony-moose (woman) - United States

Today, on my way to work I swerved to avoid hitting a dead animal. Too bad I ended up hitting a live one instead. FML

#17885184
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26670) - you deserved it (7970)

On 10/02/2011 at 7:51am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, the boy I like came to my house with a dozen roses to ask me to homecoming. My uncle chased him down the street with a pitchfork. FML

#17857162
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37697) - you deserved it (2344)

On 09/28/2011 at 5:52pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my mother lectured me about going to the bar too often. She did this while rolling a joint. FML

#17854622
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31070) - you deserved it (5629)

On 09/28/2011 at 10:04am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my professor snapped and told me that I know nothing, that everything I've ever learned is wrong, and that all of my former teachers should be shot. FML

#17804951
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27202) - you deserved it (4490)

On 09/22/2011 at 2:36pm - misc - by failure (woman) - United States (Ohio)



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