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falcons14

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falcons14

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Today, my dad got drunk and played a practical joke on me; a practical joke that resulted in my knee being broken. Now, I'm sitting in a hospital bed all alone while my dad hunts for "hot nurses". FML

#19881083
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24595) - you deserved it (1654)

On 07/02/2012 at 1:44pm - health - by justhelpful (woman) - Austria (Tirol)

Today, my grandmother saw me for the first time in years. "Not all your clothes have to be as tight as condoms, you tramp," is probably the nicest greeting she's ever given me. FML

#19775546
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27298) - you deserved it (8185)

On 06/12/2012 at 7:58am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Maine)

Today, I overheard my boss and a co-worker talking about me. Apparently when I speak, I slur my words so badly that it sounds like I'm speaking in tongues. According to my boss, "he could be possessed by a demon right now, and we'd never even notice." FML

#19770940
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19392) - you deserved it (2858)

On 06/11/2012 at 2:16pm - work - by bronieswillrule5eva (man) - Canada (Prince Edward Island)

Today, while at my cosmetics job, an elderly lady came up to me asking for a product. I told her we had a smaller size and a larger size for a better deal. She told me she wanted the smaller size because she'd "probably be dead" before she finished that one. I laughed. She was serious. FML

#19764407
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23694) - you deserved it (4644)

On 06/10/2012 at 4:47am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, while I was waiting to pull out of a parking space, my boyfriend decided it would be funny to put the car into reverse instead of drive while I was waiting for traffic to clear. I don't think the people who own the car behind me were laughing. Nor is my now ex-boyfriend. FML

#19692417
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24432) - you deserved it (2905)

On 05/28/2012 at 5:38am - misc - by Broke (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, the mailman delivered my new phone to my neighbour's house. This was okay, because he left a note in my mailbox informing me so. Now my crazy neighbour won't give me the package because, "*I* signed for it!" FML

#19673305
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20887) - you deserved it (1448)

On 05/24/2012 at 3:30pm - misc - by Byebye - Netherlands (Groningen)

Today, I'm on a trip to Poland with some friends. We came to experience the country's culture, and to challenge our preconceptions about this part of Europe. We had sat on a bench, and not ten seconds later, a stranger approached and asked, "How much for your friend?" FML

#19626954
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20177) - you deserved it (2505) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 05/15/2012 at 11:59am - misc - by LearnToLive -

Today, I asked my dad if my girlfriend could sleep over. He winked at me and agreed. When I brought her home, we went to my room for a quickie. There, I saw that my dad had taped multiple Richard Simmons posters to the wall, causing my girlfriend to suddenly come down with a "headache." FML

#19607447
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12242) - you deserved it (20211)

On 05/11/2012 at 2:29pm - love - by cockblocked (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, my girlfriend dragged me along to one of her family's paintball matches. Her father is a former marine, and hates my guts. He kept going well out of his way to hunt me down and pump as many rounds into me as possible without causing a scene. FML

#19503572
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25244) - you deserved it (3493)

On 04/20/2012 at 10:48pm - love - by fuck (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my boss fired me because he wants to start dating my mother and apparently doesn't want it to be "awkward." FML

#19464773
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25680) - you deserved it (1505)

On 04/14/2012 at 1:41am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I'm forced to eat half a package of saltine crackers in my room for dinner. I can't go downstairs to the kitchen because my two roommates are going at it on our kitchen table. FML

#19091381
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27093) - you deserved it (3295)

On 02/16/2012 at 2:13am - intimacy - by robzzz (woman) - Canada

Today, at my internship, I was told we were going to do something fun. I was excited, until I found out that this "fun" thing was labeling 500 folders. FML

#19017248
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19742) - you deserved it (3171)

On 02/07/2012 at 10:07am - work - by strongjon60 - United States

Today, a stranger told me how proud he was that my boyfriend and I were so open with our sexuality. For the past three years, most strangers have thought we are a pair of gay men. I am a woman. FML

#18976383
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31177) - you deserved it (6950)

On 02/02/2012 at 1:29pm - love - by Mrs. Man (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I received a letter from the state saying my 14-year-old daughter is now legally recognized as a male. I have no idea what happened. FML

#18766108
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43004) - you deserved it (4399)

On 01/10/2012 at 12:43pm - kids - by Anonymous - India

Today, I walked into my bathroom to find my girlfriend applying my deodorant. This would have been fine, if she wasn't applying it to her mouth. I don't think deodorant helps with bad breath, but a quick Google search shows that it does help with herpes. FML

#18506828
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41379) - you deserved it (3063)

On 12/13/2011 at 9:39pm - intimacy - by neednewdeoderant - United States (Michigan)



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