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falcons14

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falcons14

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falcons14's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend of a year broke up with me by saying, "It's not you, it's me. I have a terrible taste in women." FML

#20140004
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26749) - you deserved it (2801)

On 10/30/2012 at 9:27am - love - by LonelyMe -

Today, I was woken up by my husband attempting to breastfeed off my lactating nipples. FML

#20139029
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22053) - you deserved it (2776)

On 10/29/2012 at 6:22pm - misc - by Indianagirl94 (woman) - United States

Today, my mom called me from jail. She was arrested for having sex in public. I was with my dad when I got the call. FML

#20135378
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48442) - you deserved it (2528)

On 10/27/2012 at 11:02am - intimacy - by Monkey (man) - United States

Today, during dinner, my daughter rudely cut into my conversation and gushed that she's "like, totally" going to audition for a reality TV show next year, after I pay her way. Five minutes into her jaw-dropping stupidity, I had to physically restrain myself from slapping her out of her chair. FML

#20134692
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23901) - you deserved it (5912)

On 10/26/2012 at 8:33pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Solihull)

Today, I found a notebook my 12-year-old sister had been doodling in. Turns out the "doodles" were poems full of obscenities and descriptions of how she wanted to hurt herself. When I showed it to my mom, she accused me of writing the notebook myself to frame my sister. FML

#20133698
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23947) - you deserved it (1915)

On 10/26/2012 at 12:38am - kids - by familyofpsychos - United States (Nebraska)

Today, while mowing the lawn, I was attacked by an underground hornet nest. I now have many stings, two scared dogs, and a mower still running outside. The hornets are swarming it and some are sitting on the lever, as if to turn it off. It's like they know. FML

#20121138
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22707) - you deserved it (1487)

On 10/17/2012 at 4:08pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, after saving up for weeks, I bought myself an iPad. Because mine is better than the one my parents bought my ten-year-old brother, he got pissed and threw it into our pool. I'm now grounded for getting angry and calling him a bastard in the aftermath. FML

#20112275
322 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34740) - you deserved it (2260)

On 10/11/2012 at 4:37pm - misc - by future missing person maker person thingy (woman) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, I was placed firmly in the friend-zone. By my wife. We've been married 10 years. She doesn't want a divorce, she says it'd be too "time-consuming." FML

#20111577
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27929) - you deserved it (2019)

On 10/11/2012 at 1:56am - love - by agh marriage (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, a haunted house opened up next to my restaurant and they've gotten into the habit of scaring me as I'm cleaning up at night. They stay open for another month. FML

#20111545
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19635) - you deserved it (1803)

On 10/11/2012 at 1:28am - work - by Wolf145 - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend discovered that if he pulls out during doggy-style and rubs my clit with the tip of his penis, he will be rewarded with a queef. He found it hilarious and tested it out 5 more times. FML

#20105380
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30566) - you deserved it (6420)

On 10/07/2012 at 6:25am - intimacy - by SoSexy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, two days after leaving hospital with a broken left leg, I tripped and fell heavily on the floor. My dad quickly asked if I'd broken my other leg. When I reassured him that I hadn't, he disappointedly muttered that it would've been a hilarious story to tell his friends at work. FML

#20103320
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20259) - you deserved it (1906)

On 10/05/2012 at 7:38pm - health - by fucking har har, dad (woman) - Australia

Today, I woke up after having a nightmare that my girlfriend broke up with me. Needing reassurance, I told her about it. She became furious with me saying that she'd never do that and called me an "inconsiderate fucking bastard for even thinking that." Then she broke up with me. FML

#20101222
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28022) - you deserved it (3269)

On 10/04/2012 at 10:44am - love - by Dave (man) - United States

Today, a classmate came up to me, quickly shoved a dollar bill down my shirt, threw her arms around me and told me to pretend I was her boyfriend to avoid some other guy. Sad thing is, this is the first girl I've hugged in ages. FML

#20100917
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22141) - you deserved it (2042)

On 10/04/2012 at 1:09am - love - by nonfreehugs (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, after complaining that I had nothing to write about in my weekly journal for college, my professor suggested in front of everyone that I should get a girlfriend. FML

#20099593
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17947) - you deserved it (5972)

On 10/03/2012 at 4:24am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my dad forced me to take part in a pathetic act of revenge against our neighbors, who keep parking their 4x4 in front of our house. He made me stand watch while he kept trying to slash their tires. An hour later, we were waiting for my mom to bail us out of jail. FML

#20092583
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19108) - you deserved it (7321)

On 09/28/2012 at 6:21pm - misc - by GEE, THANKS DAD (woman) - United States



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