falcons14

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falcons14

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  • Number of visits : 591
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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falcons14's favorite FMLs

Today, my mother had to take a stool sample because she has been ill for several days. Curious, I eventually had to ask, "how did you intercept the poo before it got submerged in water?". She yelled from the other room, "you know that little plate with the red stripe". I was eating off of it. FML

by imfullthanks / 03/14/2009 at 7:06pm / Norway (Oslo) / Health

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend because I saw him with another woman. I confronted both of them in screaming rage "What the fuck? Are you cheating on me with this ugly slut?" They were in shock. Turns out it was his cousin visiting from New Jersey, he was gonna introduce us at dinner. FML

by nowthatsfcked / 03/13/2009 at 9:18am / Canada / Love

Today, I went to the ER for severe pain in my abdominal area. The doctor comes in after looking at the CT scan and says, "Well it's not your appendix." Thinking I'm in the clear I say, "That's Awesome", the doctor then responded with "It's probably your testicles." FML

by 06SuFi / 03/06/2009 at 7:43pm / United States (North Carolina) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was working at Target when an old woman asked me if I could help her find her favorite bra. I asked what brand it was when she replied "I'll check the tag". She lifted up the front of her shirt, and flipped one cup of her bra inside out. I saw everything. FML

by laurenmay / 03/06/2009 at 6:11pm / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, I went to the movies with some girlfriends. The guy behind us was making these pervy, heavy breathing noises, so we threw some popcorn at him. When the movie finished, we saw him in a wheelchair - with a breathing tube sticking out of his neck. FML

by sheyo / 03/04/2009 at 8:13pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Health

Today, my mom had my girlfriend and me over. Out of the blue, she pulled out my grandmother's wedding ring and gave it to me saying I can now propose. My girlfriend started screaming and said yes. I have been seeing someone else for 3 months and was going to break up with my girlfriend tomorrow. FML

by MrCanoe / 03/01/2009 at 4:58pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Love

Today, my boyfriend was coming over so I bought this sexy corset, some fishnets, stilettos and see-through thong. After my dad left I dressed up and a few minutes later the doorbell rang. I answered it, whip in hand. It was my dad. He forgot his keys. I'm grounded. FML

by thissucks / 03/01/2009 at 2:27pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my best friend slapped me and called me a some colorful words before telling me that she never wanted to talk to me again because I supposedly slept with her boyfriend. Not only am I a virgin, but I'm a lesbian. FML

by xo_lezz / 03/01/2009 at 12:17pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, I drank for every year I've been in school. While in my bed I decided I was too drunk to get up and throw up in the bathroom so I decided to just do it on my floor and clean it up later. Later on I woke up and realized I threw up on my $1000 laptop. FML

by ugh!! / 02/27/2009 at 3:28pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health

Today, my roommate has gone home for the weekend. She forgot to turn her alarm clock off. Her door is locked. FML

by leez / 02/01/2009 at 5:43am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I came home from work. I crept up to the bedroom to gently wake up my girlfriend. I touch her shoulder and slowly leant in to give her a tender kiss. She suddenly wakes up and grabs me by the throat... I keep forgetting she's in the army. FML

by Cùchulainn / 01/09/2009 at 10:23pm / Love

Today, I couldn't take home the free weights I'd planned on buying to start bodybuilding 'cos I couldn't lift the box, which was too heavy for me. FML

Today, my boss got a promotion and I got laid off. FML

Today, my dad surprised me by moving my bed (involving disassembling and reassembling it) in my new room, because I couldn't find how I wanted to set it up. He also took care of putting back my vibrator between the mattress and the base, where it was hidden. FML

by Sam / 11/28/2008 at 3:50am / Intimacy