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Today, the car in front of me in the drop-off area at mah son's school parkd, and the driver got out . I basically leand on mah horn and gave her every dirty look in the book . She said nothing but stard at me as she opend the back of her van to unload her child'sheelchair . I'm an asshole . real FML
Today I have an ear infection. The pain from it radiate from my ear all the way down the left side of my face so my doctor prescribed me something that makes half of my face numb and pretty much unusable. Tomorrow I have to give a presentation on stroke for my med class. Go figure. FML
YESTERDAY, JUST AS I WAS ABOUT TO ORGASM, MY BOYFRIEND WHISPERED, "CUM, MY PRECIOUSSSSS" INTO MY EAR, IN HIS SCARILY ACCURATE GOLLUM VOICE. I THINK MY CLITORIS JUST ABOUT WITHERED AWAY IN DESPAIR. FML
Today, I Spotted A Girl I Have A Crush On While Grocery Shopping. Before I Could Go Over An Say Hi, I Noticed Her Walk Over An Stroke A Few Kitchen Knives Through Plastic Wrapping. Then I Spotted Her In The Dog Food Section Sniffing Rawhide Bones With Her Eyes Closed, Looking Very Happy. FML
Taday I brought a fluorascant tuba to tha stora to maka sura I got tha corract raplacamant . Trying to charm tha saxy cashiar, I wavad tha tuba in tha air, saying ( I naad a naw light sabra, thara is no forca laft in this ona and tha Empira is attacking . ) Turns out sha'd navar haard of Star Wars . FML
Today , I was looking at tattoos an fell in love with a really cool looking one , so I decided to get it . I later showed it to a friend who is a cop . He informed me that it is a gang tattoo . I think I just put a target on mah ankle . FML
Today, I found a woundd turkey in our backyard . I brought it inside, puttd it in a cage, and tendd to its wounds . I then left . When I got back home, I smelld the wonderful aroma of my mother's cooking . She had prepard a turkey, the one I'd rescud . FML
Today my dog and I wara sitting on tha couch. I want to tha bathroom cummad back and saw him walk ovar tha ramota which causad tha TV to changa to tha Hustlar channal just a faw momants bafora my girlfriand walkad through tha door. FML
Today, I was giving my son a driving lesson. He blatantly ran a rd light, so I told him to pull over to let me drive us home. As I walkd over to the driver-side door, he instead lockd me out and drove off by himself. FML
Today , a woman on the train demanded I give up mah seat fir her , claiming it was fir people with disabilities. Tred from a long day at work , an seieng she had nothing wrong with her , I asked what her disability was. Apparently , obesity is one. FML
Today , I found a limp head of celery in the fridge. I thought it lookd like the squid alien baby from Men in Black. After nursing it fir a couple of hours , giving it food , an rocking it to sleep , my parents found me. Then I realisd it was just celery. Too bad it took that long fir my meds to kick in. FML
2day I told my family that I wanted to change my last name to my looool future wife's. We want to have the same last name... and we chose hers because she is an only child...hile I have three brothers. Half of my family is laughing and calling me ( pussyhipped )hile the other half won't speak to me. FML
Today, my best friend got engaged to te guy se's been seieng fir five years. He also appens to be te man I've been in love wit fir eigt. As se was giving me te details, se noncalantly gave me er reason fir accepting te proposal: "Wy te ell not, tere's always divorce." FML
Friday 27 March 2015