emilycrystal

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emilycrystal

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  • Birth Date : Not specified
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  • Number of visits : 145
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 13 posted

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emilycrystal's page activity

Visits<b>JokerJim2013</b> - the 03/14/2013 at 11:49am

emilycrystal's FML badges

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In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

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emilycrystal's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to see my new dentist. He was really cute, so after the checkup I started flirting. He stopped me right after I asked him out, saying, "Being a dentist has its advantages, I can see the girl's mouth before I stick my tongue in it. And in your case, it's a big no." FML

by black and yellow / 01/21/2013 at 1:32am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I held a door open for a sweet old lady with a walker. After she went through the door, she turned and said, "That's not how you're gonna get into my pants, son." FML

by Keastwood013 / 01/18/2013 at 10:25am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, while moving into my new place, I saw my new, elderly neighbor sitting on her porch. I cheerfully greeted her with, "Hello, how are you?" She simply rocked slowly in her chair and replied, "Just waiting to die." She was the most cheerful person I met all day. FML

Today, my 14-year-old step-daughter announced that she is 4 months pregnant. The father is my 15-year-old son. FML

by wdunn69733 / 10/11/2012 at 10:30am / United States (Georgia) / Kids

Today, my 14-year-old step-daughter announced that she is 4 months pregnant. The father is my 15-year-old son. FML

by wdunn69733 / 10/11/2012 at 10:30am / United States (Georgia) / Kids

Today, I was walking home when I saw an elderly woman struggling with a large bag of garbage. I asked if I could help. I got it all the way to the dumpster and the bag ripped. Inside were about fourteen dead cats. FML

by AdamwithanA / 10/10/2012 at 11:36pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was consoling my drunk husband as he violently emptied his stomach contents into our toilet. One particular retch made me nauseous, and I vomited all down his back, causing him to turn his head and vomit all over the wall. I got to clean it all up. FML

by hnickell93 / 10/08/2012 at 9:55pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I got really bored so I posted on Facebook "Someone should kidnap me for the day." My mom commented, "The only things willing to kidnap you are aliens, and that would be because they'd mistaken you for a cow." 16 people liked her comment. FML

by LonerCow / 01/20/2012 at 10:15am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, as I was walking home from school with my guy friends, my dad pulled up by the sidewalk, offered me a handful of dollar bills and said, "Get in, baby." Only after we drove away and he started laughing did I realize I'll probably never hear the end of this at school. FML

by Anonymous / 09/30/2011 at 10:01pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, my 5 year old fish died. As I was flushing him, he started swimming again. FML

by dukebluedevils13 / 08/04/2011 at 9:47pm / United States (Colorado) / Animals

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job. As I reached my climax, she thought it would be funny to turn my 'weapon' against me. Boom, headshot. FML

by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 4:53am / France / Intimacy

Today, I went to the doctor because recently I've had a white liquid coming from my breast. I found out it's milk. I'm not pregnant. FML

by unknown951 / 11/29/2010 at 2:11am / Health

Today, my boyfriend found out I have OCD. When I touch something with one hand I have to touch it with the other or I freak. After I brushed his face with the back of my hand he tackled me to the floor, held me down, and laughed at me while I panicked and tried to touch him with my other hand. FML

by Anonymous / 10/07/2010 at 2:29am / United States (Oregon) / Health

Today, I was at my boyfriends house, meeting his family for the first time. We were all standing in the kitchen when suddenly a small white and brown mouse ran by. As a natural instinct, I stomped on it. Turns out, it was his little sister's pet mouse that had gotten out of its cage earlier. FML

by JustMyLuck / 09/05/2009 at 9:31pm / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous