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You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
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emie_em's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 08/27/2013 at 3:21am / Canada (New Brunswick) / Geek
Today, some guy asked me if he could borrow my lighter. I said "of course," reached into my handbag, and gave him the lighter. He stared at me for a few seconds until I realised I'd given him a tampax. FML
by mary / 08/09/2012 at 2:10pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
Today, I returned home to my parents' house, drunk. Hungry, I grabbed a slice of bread and some butter and took two mouthfuls. Five hours later, my mother woke me up and dragged me to the kitchen. In the middle of the table was a buttered, half-eaten sponge. FML
by Bontempi / 07/19/2012 at 2:55pm / France / Miscellaneous
by blondie101 / 12/09/2011 at 1:11am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I saw my neighbor's Christmas tree they had put up on their porch, with decorative presents under it. Being that my neighbors hate me, I figured I would take a present to piss them off. While walking back home with the present, I opened it. Inside it read "I knew you would, douche bag." FML
by lebato97 / 12/08/2011 at 10:35pm / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous
Today, after having spent days working on it, I finished off a really elaborate seasonal greetings card for my boss. When I gave it to him, he took one look at it, flicked it in his trash can and said, "Fuck off, Steve." So much for a Christmas bonus. FML
by Anonymous / 12/05/2011 at 7:11pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, I took my kids to the mall to see Santa. While waiting in line, my eldest got bored and loudly complained, "I don't know why we're here. Santa's not even real." I don't think any of the kids within a hundred feet took the news very well. FML
by santashelper / 12/05/2011 at 6:32pm / United States / Kids
by lol / 12/05/2011 at 1:13am / United States (District of Columbia) / Health
by Anonymous / 12/05/2011 at 12:23am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 12/04/2011 at 7:40pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I heard vibrating from inside my husband's desk drawer. Since he's away for the weekend, I investigated. I found an unfamiliar cellphone with an inbound call. I answered it. Turns out, it was his mistress. Neither of us can get a hold of him. FML
by Anonymous / 12/04/2011 at 6:52pm / United States (Maine) / Love
Today, I came home from work to find the front door wide open, the stove on, my 5 year old cutting up the curtain, and my 2 year old smearing chocolate sauce on the floor. My fiancé was nowhere to be found. Later on, I got a text from him saying that he'd gone to watch the footy. FML
by chocolateisyum / 10/09/2011 at 7:13am / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids
by anonymous / 10/08/2011 at 11:36am / Sri Lanka / Miscellaneous
by siikman313 / 09/12/2011 at 5:37pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by piece of shed / 08/31/2011 at 10:00am / United States (New York) / Kids
- Today, my girlfriend found my list of women I've had sex with, complete with the ratings I'd given… Today, I woke up to my boyfriend throwing my birth control box at me and shouting that I was a slut… Today, I went over to surprise my girlfriend of two years with flowers and dinner at her apartment.…
- Today, I’m in Sweden. This morning, I went out to get the mail in my pajamas. Well, it doesn’t only… Today, I couldn't get into my car. I got mad at the lock, and my key broken inside it. It wasn't my… Today, returning home, I found my roommate trying one of my bras. When he saw my shocked face, the…