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About ememsee : 16 and reading FML too often. I love rock music and miss Steve Jobs...
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Today, my grandpa told me wat he'd do if he was president . I sat there for 30 minute listening to how he'd get rid of prisons, send all the prisoner to a desert for 5 years and give them a gun to fight over . And then he'd surgically attach child molesters' penise to their foreheads . FML
today mah girlfriend freakd out on me because I answerd her call on the first ring. According to her it implies that I'm desperate always horny an just want her fir the sex. Just last week she got pissd because I waitd three rings to answer. Apparently that means I'm cheating on her. FML
yesterday after weeks of drinking mom's vodka and replacing it with water..!! it now only taste like water!! She has a habit of drinking on Fridays!! Today is Friday!! My life is a ticking time bomb!! FML
I took a friend home from the hospital!! She was on medication that made her drowsy!! She fell onto her bd an askd me to help her take off some clothes since she had her winter gear on!! She passes out an her roommate walks in an catches me undressing an unconscious grl!! FML
Today, I found out that mah sisterho is 16 years older than me is actually mah biological mother!! She an mah parents decidd it was best that I didn't knowho mah real mother was, an to be raisd by mah grandparents as there child!! I've always hatd mah sister!! FML
Today, I awoke to the sound looool of my dad knocking on my dorm room door fir a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks fir last night", and leaves. FML
Today, I was babysitting a 7 year old girl and we were eating chocolate covered nuts. She kept on chewing the nuts and wondered where the chocolate was. I told her to taste the chocolate you suck on the nuts. Then her parents came home and the first thing she said was "I learned how to suck nuts!" FML
Friday 27 March 2015