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dynomitedanee

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dynomitedanee

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  • Number of visits : 190
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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dynomitedanee's favorite FMLs

Today, my sister texted me, saying she was about to go into surgery. It's been a long time coming, and we've both been worried about what could happen. I texted "good luck" back. My phone autocorrected it to "goodbye" and I didn't even notice. FML

#20636856
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53436) - you deserved it (7504)

On 05/02/2013 at 12:49pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, the neighbors in the next apartment reported me to the police for screaming at my newborn to "shut the hell up" every time he cries. I would never yell at my baby. My asshole of a dog on the other hand barks at everything, which terrifies the baby, causing him to cry. FML

Today, I started crying in class because of a sad part in the book I was reading. I got pulled out into the hallway and my male teacher asked, "Is it your special time?" FML

#19189371
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30964) - you deserved it (7710)

On 02/29/2012 at 3:21pm - misc - by Crying - United States (Michigan)

Today, my family started their own version of the Hunger Games. With farts as their ammo, they've been tackling and gassing everyone until their victim "dies" by surrendering. My house is a flatulent war zone, and I fear waking up blind. FML

#19109077
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24462) - you deserved it (2443)

On 02/18/2012 at 5:22pm - health - by district12 (man) - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)

Today, my dad made a new house rule: "If it's yellow let it mellow, if it's brown flush it down." My whole house now smells like pee. FML

#19082292
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25098) - you deserved it (2325)

On 02/15/2012 at 12:05am - misc - by Bondi414 (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I received a cute letter in my locker. It was in German, so I used Google translate. Apparently, someone hopes I choke on big fat cock. FML

#19078471
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28216) - you deserved it (3038)

On 02/14/2012 at 7:35pm - intimacy - by kittens go meow - United States (Georgia)

Today, I sat in my boss' office as he bitched me out for being "too sarcastic" to our customers. After nearly half an hour of him criticizing my "piss-poor attitude," he asked me what I was going to do to fix it. Without thinking, I said, "Your mom." Now I'm jobless again. FML

#19042299
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8568) - you deserved it (65208)

On 02/10/2012 at 4:33pm - work - by great - United States

Today, my mother used global warming as an excuse for not remembering my birthday. FML

#19042129
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29663) - you deserved it (2342)

On 02/10/2012 at 4:07pm - misc - by Anonymous - Belgium (Brabant Wallon)

Today, I got into a fist-fight with a wasp, aka a Nazi helicopter. Despite swiping at it with ninja-like skills, I lost. FML

#19040540
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7334) - you deserved it (24148)

On 02/10/2012 at 9:13am - animals - by Stung (man) - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend openly mocked me, calling me an idiot for thinking seahorses are real. She insists that they're like unicorns, and only exist in fiction. FML

#19011478
359 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36449) - you deserved it (4232)

On 02/06/2012 at 4:52pm - animals - by BoringFucker (man) - United Kingdom (Lancashire)

Today, I learned what it felt like to get shot in the nuts by an airsoft gun. Thank you, Mom. FML

#17634185
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29003) - you deserved it (4246)

On 09/01/2011 at 6:52am - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, while playing with bubble wrap, I dislocated my thumb. FML

#17628790
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22376) - you deserved it (13125)

On 08/31/2011 at 10:02am - health - by Bigpoppa0507 - Canada

Today, my roommate told me that unscented deodorant prevents ingrown hairs on the bikini line. She shared this beauty tip with me when I caught her using my Lady Speed Stick on her snatch. FML

#17497875
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30664) - you deserved it (2561)

On 08/17/2011 at 5:14am - intimacy - by AllieOops (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got my tongue pierced, then went to a pet store. A clerk came up to ask if I needed help. I showed him I already had some fish, and said, "No thanks." He must have thought I was "special," as he bent down and in a baby voice, said "You got fishy? FISHY FISHY FISHY!" while poking the bag. FML

#17497586
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24435) - you deserved it (11196)

On 08/17/2011 at 4:13am - misc - by aprilfools22 - United States (California)

Today, I heard that a boy in my class had written a song about me. Intrigued, I went to see him perform. I spent 3 excruciating minutes listening to a song about 'the girl of his dreams', his tear-filled eyes staring into mine the whole time. I have to sit next to this freak for the next 2 years. FML

#17488999
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14631) - you deserved it (49415)

On 08/16/2011 at 9:20am - love - by worried (woman) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)



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