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dpdemon

Offline (the 10/17/2014 at 1:53am) | Search for a member

dpdemon

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  • Number of visits : 674
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

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dpdemon's favorite FMLs

Today, my phone went off, reminding me to take my birth control. Instead of vibrating as per usual, it rang. The ringtone had been changed to my boyfriend singing "It's birth control time, birth control time, take your pill, or I'll say it ain't mine." I was sitting in a quiet waiting room. FML

#20805312
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56208) - you deserved it (9321)

On 07/26/2013 at 9:14pm - misc - by turning red - United States

Today, I learned that my wife used to strip while in college. I found this out when I brought her to a work party and my boss recognized her. FML

#20800769
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50627) - you deserved it (3862)

On 07/24/2013 at 3:33am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got a call from the police. Apparently my son tried robbing a teenage couple, but wound up getting his ass beat by both of them. I don't know what's worse, that my 32-year-old son is a criminal, or that he got it handed to him by 15-year-olds. FML

#20797971
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42176) - you deserved it (4987)

On 07/22/2013 at 5:06pm - kids - by Parentalfailure (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I came home from work to my hot roommate cooking and wearing nothing but an apron. She pulled me into her room and things went great. At least, they did before I woke up in the break room with my coworkers and boss all gathered around, listening to me talking in my sleep. FML

#20793742
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52651) - you deserved it (8976)

On 07/20/2013 at 4:35am - work - by Dirty_Mind_69 (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, my girlfriend guilted me into roleplaying as Justin Bieber before and during sex. I now feel physically ill. FML

#20788707
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62370) - you deserved it (22202)

On 07/17/2013 at 4:27pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my husband and I came clean to his overbearing parents about our private wedding. It started with them accusing him of making rash decisions, and somehow descended into an argument amongst themselves that ended with his mom deciding to divorce his dad. FML

#20786569
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49343) - you deserved it (4137)

On 07/16/2013 at 4:00pm - love - by .__. (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was teaching my daughter how to drive. We were passing by a merge lane; I told her to slow down and let a green car merge in front of us. She said, "Fuck the green car" and sped up, colliding with it. Apparently she didn't know that would happen. FML

#20783255
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50902) - you deserved it (6473)

On 07/14/2013 at 11:40pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my 13-year-old daughter and I went to a tropical themed restaurant. She wanted a strawberry Daiquiri, so I asked the waitress for a virgin strawberry Daiquiri. My daughter then said, "But dad, I'm not a virgin." FML

#20775827
338 comments

I agree, your life sucks (99652) - you deserved it (11633)

On 07/11/2013 at 10:24am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I walked to work. I later discovered that my husband had parked my car in a no-parking area. My job is towing cars. I had to tow my own car. FML

#20775203
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49549) - you deserved it (5132)

On 07/10/2013 at 11:04pm - work - by Anonymous -

Today, while having a serious talk with my father, he said, "Son, you're only alive because of a faulty, off-brand condom." FML

#20774202
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46877) - you deserved it (3308)

On 07/10/2013 at 12:33pm - misc - by my honest father - United States (Kansas)

Today, my aunt had the wonderful experience of hearing my boyfriend and I have a very "satisfying" encounter after we stupidly forgot to turn off the baby monitor. FML

#20772295
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30210) - you deserved it (45256)

On 07/09/2013 at 12:15pm - intimacy - by embarrassed niece (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I decided to try Karate. In an attempt to roundhouse-kick a hanging boxing glove, I knocked over a lamp, lost my balance and pulled down my curtains. My neighbor then looked through the window, started laughing and yelled, "KUNG FO POWA!" FML

#20749220
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25544) - you deserved it (32220)

On 06/26/2013 at 9:57pm - misc - by blahblah (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I cleaned up my brother's room, since he's moved out. Under the bed I found a Doritos bag full of used condoms. FML

#20749135
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57769) - you deserved it (6472)

On 06/26/2013 at 9:02pm - intimacy - by the_lonely_life - United States

Today, I had to go to therapy for my fear of cats. All the way there, my girlfriend kept making cat noises and scratching at me. FML

#20748338
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38873) - you deserved it (7569)

On 06/26/2013 at 12:42pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, I bumped into my parents at the mall. They didn't tell me they were around. I live 5,000 miles away, in a different country from them. FML

#20744316
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58777) - you deserved it (3567)

On 06/24/2013 at 10:16am - misc - by Coolios (man) - United Arab Emirates (Dubai)



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