About donkey_hang_down : Wasting time at work on FML again...
How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I received a 4 page text message from my mom explaining what she was going to do to me tonight in full detail. I am one name below her boyfriend on her contact list. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21609) - you deserved it (1748)
On 11/01/2009 at 12:35am - intimacy - by Nomoretexting (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I spent the night with my guy, whom I hadn't seen in ages. In the middle of sex, he answered his phone, told me to be quiet, talked to the girl on the other end about how boring his day was, then left the room to finish talking to her. When he came back he asked if I felt like swallowing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17020) - you deserved it (2928)
On 10/31/2009 at 12:31am - intimacy - by dtmfa (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, while shopping for some bananas at my local grocery store, an old woman came up to me and started rubbing my stomach. She simply asked when I was due. I am a 43 year old man with a beer belly. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27789) - you deserved it (10489)
On 10/24/2009 at 6:24pm - misc - by fmlifetime (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I had to take a dump. While looking for a book to read, I sneezed. The force of the sneeze caused me to shit my pants. The glob of dung then ran down my leg before falling out of my shorts onto my carpet, all in less than 5 seconds. Nothing in my life has prepared me for this. FML
I agree, your life sucks (75278) - you deserved it (10634)
On 10/14/2009 at 1:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I had an argument with my wife. I told her to get back in the kitchen. How does she respond? By doing what I told her to do, and returning to hit me with a frying pan. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6504) - you deserved it (90227)
On 10/13/2009 at 2:54am - love - by PanFace (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, at work, my stomach hurt and I passed gas for relief. Moments later, I discovered that my loose, silent "fart" was actually a wet, sneaky shart. The mess was beyond repair; I had to fake a family emergency and crept out of the office so that my coworkers wouldn't see my obvious crap stain. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25869) - you deserved it (6319)
On 10/12/2009 at 2:10pm - health - by Few_Absolutes (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I rear-ended a car on the parkway. We pulled over, the guy told me his car was fine, and then asked me out on a date. It was only when I replied "no" that he decided he wanted his car fixed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22918) - you deserved it (15240)
On 10/10/2009 at 3:16pm - misc - by creepermagnet (woman) - United States (Missouri)
Today, while working on my girlfriend of three years' computer I found a file called 'My future wedding'. I assumed it was very old and decided to look through it. Of the list of 5 potential grooms I was not one of them. This didn't bother me until I saw that it had last been edited two days ago. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31786) - you deserved it (2951)
On 10/08/2009 at 1:31pm - love - by Rage (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, my friends and I noticed that people, no matter what stereotype, pretty much all have the same type of friends: the mean one, the funny one, etc... and started naming off the people in our group who fit into those personallities. We got to the token fat one, everyone looked at me and stopped talking. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26417) - you deserved it (7397)
On 10/01/2009 at 5:42am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I told my husband I wanted a divorce. He told me he didn't. End of discussion. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35127) - you deserved it (14562)
On 09/28/2009 at 11:14am - misc - by jentown11 (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, the weird receptionist at the hotel I'm staying at asked me if I needed an extra blanket because I "looked cold in my sleep last night". FML
I agree, your life sucks (54054) - you deserved it (2060)
On 09/24/2009 at 5:50am - misc - by scaredtosleep (man) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I went to the orthodontist to have my braces worked on. I accidentally swallowed some of the cleaning solution she used. She told me it would probably give me an upset stomach. Apparently, an upset stomach and crapping your pants means the same thing to an orthodontist. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28421) - you deserved it (2824)
On 09/17/2009 at 1:10am - health - by navyma - Korea Republic of (Seoul-t'ukpyolsi)
Today, I went on a blind date. We had agreed on meeting in front of a park. Thinking I was there first, I texted her "I'm already there, sitting next to the fat chick." I heard a beep. SHE was the "fat chick." FML
I agree, your life sucks (16482) - you deserved it (72711)
On 09/16/2009 at 2:23pm - love - by sarahh38 (man) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, I was driving in the left lane and was suddenly hit by a woman who was in the right lane. I ran off the road, taking out a fence and totaling my car. When the cops asked the woman what happened she responded, "My tom-tom told me to turn left." FML
I agree, your life sucks (42127) - you deserved it (1570)
On 09/10/2009 at 12:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Montana)
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me in the parking lot right before a baseball game, then convinced me to still go to the game in tears. After the game, we were walking back to the car and he goes, "so, how about some break up lovin'?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (50448) - you deserved it (6697)
On 08/14/2009 at 12:35am - love - by ish (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Monday 17 June 2013
The website: FML t-shirts -
Love - Animals - Money - Kids - Work - Health - Intimacy - Miscellaneous - Members
RSS feeds: 
Follow the FML 
Follow the FML blog Follow the FML comments
Go on the road: BlackBerry - Android - iPhone/iPod Touch - Windows Phone 7 - Mobile version
Give stuff to people: FML book - FML t-shirts
FML Everywhere: Français - Italiano - Español - Türk - Pусский - Svenskt - Indonesia
