diego2k5

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diego2k5

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  • Number of visits : 573
  • Number of comments : 38
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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diego2k5's page activity

Visits<b>menice4</b> - the 03/23/2016 at 10:24am<b>greeneyebeauty9</b> - the 12/08/2013 at 3:12pm<b>shorty6823</b> - the 07/24/2013 at 1:49am<b>sadistmonkey</b> - the 09/03/2012 at 2:22pm

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Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

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diego2k5's favorite FMLs

Today, I had to convince my 3-year-old son that there were monsters in the house just so he would lie in bed and cuddle me. FML

by tinytiny1124 / 04/14/2014 at 12:57pm / United States (Ohio) / Kids

Today, I was taking the biggest shit of my life. When I worked the thing out, it hit the water with such force that I got a toilet water enema from the backwash. I was so freaked out that I screamed and fell off the seat, prompting my husband to rush in to see what was wrong. FML

by traumatized / 04/12/2014 at 2:07pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my brother and I took our cars to get oil changes. While we were there, a guy asked if we were dating. When we told him we were siblings, he responded with, "So?" FML

Today, I ran out of clean boxers. Thinking nobody would find out, I snatched a pair of my wife's panties. Later, we had a cook out for my birthday, where some of my old pals thought it would be funny to pants me. FML

by Anonymous / 06/12/2013 at 2:39pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend of 2 weeks said that he was going to cook me dinner. After waiting for the frozen pizza that he decided to make for me to be completely cooked, he said, "Oh I hate this part", reached into the oven with his bare hands and took out the pizza, all while screaming. He is 24. FML

by Anonymous / 04/11/2013 at 11:42am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, a senile old lady came up to me and offered me chocolate. I noticed that it was ex-lax, so I politely told her no. My 4-year-old daughter pushed me aside and ate the ex-lax, because she thought it was candy. I now have a stinky child on a 3 hour bus ride, with no stops. FML

by Anonymous / 12/09/2012 at 11:29am / United States (Texas) / Transportation

Today, I was visiting my daughter, whose husband was still asleep at noon. I made a point of stomping around on the hardwood floor and speaking loudly to wake his lazy ass up. Turns out he's now working a 14-hour graveyard shift, and it has no negative effect on his shoe-throwing skills. FML

by mom / 12/06/2012 at 2:23pm / Netherlands (Utrecht) / Miscellaneous

Today, while I was removing my makeup with my boyfriend watching, he mentioned that he used to think girls were prettier without makeup on, but he'd now changed his mind. FML

by allbrokeup / 12/01/2012 at 6:54pm / Norway (Rogaland) / Love

Today, I was woken up by my elderly neighbor banging on my door at 2am. She needed "urgent" assistance as she had forgotten how to turn her TV off. I'd just fallen asleep. FML

by Rachael / 11/30/2012 at 2:29am / Australia / Miscellaneous

Today, I was walking with my boyfriend when a guy walked up to me and told me I look exactly like Taylor Swift. My boyfriend punched him in the face and told him that Taylor Swift is a lot more attractive. I'm actually considering leaving him for the complete stranger. FML

by jeanrose2013 / 10/23/2012 at 6:12pm / United States (Arkansas) / Love

Today, I was playing with my 2-year-old Siberian Husky, when she figured that since she couldn't get to my hand, she'd try to bite me in the genitals. She was successful. FML

by buccaneer / 10/23/2012 at 12:26pm / United States (New Jersey) / Animals

Today, at work, my boss asked me why I wasn't adhering to proper dress code. I pointed out that skinny jeans are in the dress code, to which he replied, "Only if you're skinny." FML

by Anonymous / 10/05/2012 at 12:40pm / United States (Ohio) / Work

Today, I finally got my hands on the new iPhone 5, after I pulled it out of a patient's rectum. FML

by Anonymous / 10/02/2012 at 3:39pm / United States (Washington) / Health

Today, I was walking down the street when I had a coughing fit. The next thing I know I'm being pushed about by a group of guys who were smoking, because they thought I was coughing deliberately to send them a message about smoking being bad. FML

by Tyler / 09/03/2012 at 5:37am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, the pharmacist warned me that my antibiotics might cause slight gastrointestinal distress. The fact that I have been on the john for the past 90 minutes drenched in sweat would lead me to believe our definitions of "slight" are a bit different. FML

by jdch_99 / 08/29/2012 at 9:12am / United States / Health