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destroytocreate's FML badges
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destroytocreate's favorite FMLs
by btoker / 10/15/2015 at 12:16pm / United States (New York) / Love
Today, my boyfriend found out that male goats will stick their tongues out, snort, and garble at female goats in heat. Now he's doing it to me at all manner of times, sound effects and all. I now know why goats ram their heads into things repeatedly. FML
by StillnothowIimaginedmydaygoing / 10/14/2015 at 12:22pm / United States (Kentucky) / Love
by Anonymous / 10/14/2015 at 10:29am / United States (California) / Kids
by Anonymous / 10/14/2015 at 9:45am / United States (Arizona) / Love
Today, I got into a minor argument with my fiancé. Deciding it wasn't worth fighting over, I shrugged and said, "Really, what are we even doing this for?" To which he replied, "Honestly, I don't know. I haven't loved you in years… Oh, you meant about the fight." And just like that, I'm now single. FML
by Anonymous / 10/14/2015 at 8:41am / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, while looking through my son's browser history, I found a Google search for "stop looking in my history u nosey cunt". I swore last week that I don't invade his privacy, so I can't even punish him for the bad language without looking like a lying bastard. FML
by Hank-T4 / 10/11/2015 at 7:45am / Australia (Victoria) / Kids
by not impressed / 10/09/2015 at 2:27pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
Today, I was savagely beating my wife on Call of Duty, since she demanded that I play normally and not hold back. 15 minutes later, she was raging at me, calling me a bastard and saying she wished we'd never married. FML
by JJ / 10/03/2015 at 3:42am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
Today, my boyfriend was shaving his beard in the bathroom when I left. An hour later, I found him exasperated after having shaved half his body. I had to help him shave every nook and cranny left because he said he was in too deep and couldn't turn back. Yes, his bumhole too. FML
by NothowIimaginedmyday / 10/03/2015 at 12:00am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I took my boyfriend to dinner to meet my parents. He agreed to be on his best behavior, but when my mom told us about some shady stuff going on at her job, he replied that it sounded "fishier than Justin Bieber's cunt." We were quickly kicked out. FML
by FML / 10/02/2015 at 5:45pm / United States (Illinois) / Love
by sad-boing / 10/02/2015 at 5:01pm / United Kingdom (Kent) / Intimacy
Today, my little sister thought it would be funny to send my girlfriend a text saying I cheated on her and wanted to break up. Her response was "lol whatever I've been fucking Steve for like a month anyway". Steve is my brother, and he won't admit or deny it. FML
by Anonymous / 10/02/2015 at 6:22am / Australia / Love
by Anon Y. Mous / 10/02/2015 at 12:24am / United States (California) / Love
by Out of Ice Cream / 09/29/2015 at 1:06pm / United States / Love
Today, my 6-year-old daughter touched a tray I'd just pulled out of the oven. I quickly swatted her hand away, but then noticed she wasn't hurt or burned at all. I then gingerly touched the tray and got scalded. My daughter giggled maniacally as I screamed. To be honest, I'm now terrified of her. FML
by :| / 09/26/2015 at 12:10am / New Zealand (Nelson) / Kids
- Today, I was working outside at my parents' property with my uncle. While we took a break inside, I… Today, I just finished my first year in a Paralegal Studies degree program. I started reading about… Today, I found the house of my dreams. I shared the find with my best friend who informed me it is…