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destroytocreate's FML badges
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destroytocreate's favorite FMLs
Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend about the importance of foreplay, and that attempting to get me "in the mood" by whipping his cock out and air humping was roughly equivalent to throwing a dry teabag at me and claiming he made a cup of tea. FML
by Anonymous / 10/16/2015 at 11:05am / United Kingdom (Hampshire) / Intimacy
Today, I laughed about a fold in my girlfriend's jeans that felt like she had a tiny boner. She started crying. Turns out she has a slight deformity. Oops. Explains why we've been taking it so slow. FML
by Anonymous / 10/16/2015 at 4:39am / Australia / Love
Today, my girlfriend and I were trying to get it on on the bed. As soon as things were starting to get heated, I turned over and saw that my dog had not only jumped up on the bed, but had been watching and started to hump the pillow next to our heads. FML
by GiveADogABone / 10/15/2015 at 6:47pm / United States / Intimacy
by lacucarcha / 10/15/2015 at 5:47pm / United Kingdom (Telford and Wrekin) / Miscellaneous
by btoker / 10/15/2015 at 12:16pm / United States (New York) / Love
Today, my boyfriend found out that male goats will stick their tongues out, snort, and garble at female goats in heat. Now he's doing it to me at all manner of times, sound effects and all. I now know why goats ram their heads into things repeatedly. FML
by StillnothowIimaginedmydaygoing / 10/14/2015 at 12:22pm / United States (Kentucky) / Love
by Anonymous / 10/14/2015 at 10:29am / United States (California) / Kids
by Anonymous / 10/14/2015 at 9:45am / United States (Arizona) / Love
Today, I got into a minor argument with my fiancé. Deciding it wasn't worth fighting over, I shrugged and said, "Really, what are we even doing this for?" To which he replied, "Honestly, I don't know. I haven't loved you in years… Oh, you meant about the fight." And just like that, I'm now single. FML
by Anonymous / 10/14/2015 at 8:41am / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, while looking through my son's browser history, I found a Google search for "stop looking in my history u nosey cunt". I swore last week that I don't invade his privacy, so I can't even punish him for the bad language without looking like a lying bastard. FML
by Hank-T4 / 10/11/2015 at 7:45am / Australia (Victoria) / Kids
by not impressed / 10/09/2015 at 2:27pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
Today, I was savagely beating my wife on Call of Duty, since she demanded that I play normally and not hold back. 15 minutes later, she was raging at me, calling me a bastard and saying she wished we'd never married. FML
by JJ / 10/03/2015 at 3:42am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
Today, my boyfriend was shaving his beard in the bathroom when I left. An hour later, I found him exasperated after having shaved half his body. I had to help him shave every nook and cranny left because he said he was in too deep and couldn't turn back. Yes, his bumhole too. FML
by NothowIimaginedmyday / 10/03/2015 at 12:00am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I took my boyfriend to dinner to meet my parents. He agreed to be on his best behavior, but when my mom told us about some shady stuff going on at her job, he replied that it sounded "fishier than Justin Bieber's cunt." We were quickly kicked out. FML
by FML / 10/02/2015 at 5:45pm / United States (Illinois) / Love
by sad-boing / 10/02/2015 at 5:01pm / United Kingdom (Kent) / Intimacy