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Today, I was having an intimate moment with my detachable showerhead. I opened my eyes to find my husband of 4 months looking down on me. The only thing he said was, 'You too?' FML
I agree, your life sucks (5411) - you deserved it (12939)
On 11/09/2009 at 2:06am - intimacy - by ShowerheadGirl (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was walking when I heard a car horn honk. I looked up to see a hot guy giving me a thumbs up. As he got a better look at me, he made a disgusted face and flipped his hand so he was giving me a thumbs down. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27699) - you deserved it (2835)
On 10/26/2009 at 4:02pm - misc - by notsohot (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I had to go to the dentist to have a cavity filled. Around halfway through the procedure, something broke the silence in the room. It was my dentist, who had farted. I had to smell his rancid flatulence for around the next five minutes. All the while, I had to keep my mouth wide open. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28706) - you deserved it (1670)
On 10/17/2009 at 3:48pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I had to take a dump. While looking for a book to read, I sneezed. The force of the sneeze caused me to shit my pants. The glob of dung then ran down my leg before falling out of my shorts onto my carpet, all in less than 5 seconds. Nothing in my life has prepared me for this. FML
I agree, your life sucks (75019) - you deserved it (10601)
On 10/14/2009 at 1:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend in his room, wearing his boxers. He told me this story about how one time he had diarrhea when he was stuck in traffic and had not choice but to poop himself. I asked him what prompted this story. He said I was wearing the boxers he pooped in. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17865) - you deserved it (3346)
On 10/05/2009 at 8:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)
Today, I had my 3 year old son in the doctors office. During the exam, he informed the doctor that he doesn't sleep in mommy's bed anymore because mommy sleeps in her underwear and farts all night long. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30287) - you deserved it (6159)
On 09/19/2009 at 10:37am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I was trying to have sex with my boyfriend, David. I moaned his name and he whispered, "I'm not David." Then, with an Italian accent, he said, "It's-a-me! Mario!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (54606) - you deserved it (12512)
On 08/28/2009 at 1:11pm - intimacy - by Michelle (woman) - United States (Maine)
Today, my husband came home from shopping with my 4 year old daughter and showed me a shirt she picked out herself. The shirt read "My mom's easy i'm living proof." Apparently she just liked the colours and her father agreed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28410) - you deserved it (2987)
On 08/22/2009 at 5:29am - kids - by naughtyshirt (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I was with my mom and my boyfriend at lunch. My phone rings and my mom excitedly says "You have friends!" As I'm about to answer it, she pulls out her phone from under the table and says "Kidding, it's just me." My boyfriend starts cracking up, and they exchange a high five. FML
I agree, your life sucks (54799) - you deserved it (5426)
On 08/02/2009 at 1:12pm - misc - by NoFriends - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, it was my wedding day, and while I was standing next to my husband in front of all of our guests, I was rocking on my heels because I was nervous. I rocked too far and fell backward. My husband didn't come to help me up. He just said at the top of his lungs, "FAIL!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (54704) - you deserved it (11470)
On 08/02/2009 at 12:21am - love - by thefailure (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I woke up screaming. Why? Well, I was complaining to my dad yesterday about how I always hit the snooze button and just roll over when my alarm goes off, and how that results in me being late for morning classes. My dad thought he'd help out by placing a mousetrap on the snooze button. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37290) - you deserved it (21692)
On 07/21/2009 at 1:38am - misc - by emperor (man) - Bangladesh (Dhaka)
Today, my boyfriend returned from a 2 month internship in New York. As I saw him exit the plane, I imagined him running to me and kissing/spinning me around passionately like in movies. He got closer and closer, and as I opened my arms to embrace him, he runs past me saying, "BRB, I GOTTA TAKE A SHIT." FML
I agree, your life sucks (45110) - you deserved it (7310)
On 07/04/2009 at 2:07am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I bought a new mailbox to replace the old one that was stolen. Two hours after I put the new mailbox up, the old one was back and the new one was missing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49481) - you deserved it (2305)
On 06/20/2009 at 2:01am - misc - by Dumbass - United States (Florida)
Today, I was enjoying some much needed serenity while I ate lunch in an empty park. To my surprise, an older, clean cut man in a suit sits on the bench next to me. Without saying a word, he unleashes the most foul of farts I've ever witnessed, gets up, gives me a nod and leaves. FML
I agree, your life sucks (64350) - you deserved it (4191)
On 06/16/2009 at 2:15am - misc - by Tim (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, while the kid I was babysitting was in the bathroom, he called to me "I need some help in here." Worried I ran to the bathroom and asked him what was wrong. He needed me to wipe his butt. As if that weren't gross enough, just as my hand was under his butt, he pooped again and laughed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51126) - you deserved it (4331)
On 05/30/2009 at 12:24am - kids - by sdasdflkjas (woman) - United States
Monday 20 May 2013
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