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deathskatenoah

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deathskatenoah

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Today, at work at a farm, we got a new calf. It looked like it had to poop, but was having difficulty. About four hours later it still hadn't pooped. Turns out it was born without an actual butthole. It was there, just sealed up by skin. I literally had to cut this poor calf a new butthole. FML

#20617044
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79519) - you deserved it (4084)

On 04/23/2013 at 10:01pm - animals - by halliemarie1818 - United States

Today, was the day my girlfriend and I tried to 69 for the first time. Today is also the day I learned that I'm physically incapable of maintaining an erection after someone farts in my face. FML

#20163281
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47253) - you deserved it (6004)

On 11/14/2012 at 4:28pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my 2-year-old cat finally decided to start catching mice. Like any other cat would, she left it for me to find. I found it in the middle of the night, as my bare foot rolled its guts out of its ass. FML

#20068907
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23734) - you deserved it (2043)

On 09/12/2012 at 2:31pm - animals - by shadokis (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I woke up to a nude picture of my girlfriend. Once I looked at it my morning wood went away. FML

#19886014
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32961) - you deserved it (8294)

On 07/03/2012 at 1:33pm - intimacy - by bob - United States (Ohio)

Today, after my boyfriend broke up with me, the only thing positive about my day was a pregnancy test. FML

#19608696
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35710) - you deserved it (6124)

On 05/11/2012 at 7:50pm - love - by rawr_fml001 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I purposely wore a red shirt to Target just so people would talk to me. FML

#19601147
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23846) - you deserved it (9927)

On 05/10/2012 at 2:44am - misc - by reddd - United States

Today, to avoid looking like a loser in front of his friends who all have girlfriends, my brother made up a perfect relationship. He asked me to give him a hickey in exchange for 50 euros. Our parents walked in on us. FML

#19561833
329 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14195) - you deserved it (51219) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 05/02/2012 at 1:06am - love - by Flip (woman) - France (Rhone-Alpes)

Today, I told the hairdresser that my kid had cut my hair. I don't have kids. I was just really drunk. FML

#19545053
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6377) - you deserved it (27768)

On 04/28/2012 at 11:06pm - misc - by faux ma (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was trolling in a chat room when someone said, quote: "He's just a no-life, unemployed loser still living in his mom's basement. Probably spends all day stroking his tiny dong and fantasizing about having a real girlfriend." I actually started crying because it was so accurate. FML

#19517748
258 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13492) - you deserved it (48408)

On 04/23/2012 at 6:06pm - misc - by pathetic (man) - Poland (Mazowieckie)

Today, I went to the bathroom to pee. I looked at the toilet paper after I wiped and saw a spider on it. It was still wiggling its legs. FML

#19504984
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26755) - you deserved it (3258)

On 04/21/2012 at 4:36am - animals - by yikes - United States

Today, I went to the bathroom to pee. I looked at the toilet paper after I wiped and saw a spider on it. It was still wiggling its legs. FML

#19504984
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26755) - you deserved it (3258)

On 04/21/2012 at 4:36am - animals - by yikes - United States

Today, the mouse trap I set in my kitchen worked. I caught a snake. FML

Today, I'm recovering from colon surgery. They gave me codeine as pain relief, which has made me constipated. I'm currently sat on the toilet, trying to push out what feels like a small child wrapped in barbed wire out without busting my stitches. FML

#19405476
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28856) - you deserved it (1698)

On 04/04/2012 at 6:13am - health - by screaming monkey - United Kingdom (Windsor and Maidenhead)

Today, I woke up to what sounded like twigs snapping. Turns out it was the skull of a live mouse being crushed in my cat's jaws. FML

#19374662
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21045) - you deserved it (2238)

On 03/30/2012 at 3:45am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I thought about how my dad went to get me a Halloween costume and hasn't come home yet. That was 11 years ago. We've moved twice since then. FML

#19369767
243 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39092) - you deserved it (2440)

On 03/29/2012 at 12:53pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)



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