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deathskatenoah

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deathskatenoah

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TADAY AT WORK AT A FARM, WE GOT A NEW CALF. IT LOOKD LIKE IT HAD TO POOP, BUT WAS HAVING DIFFICULTY. ABOUT FOUR HOURS LATER IT STILL HADN'T POOPD. TURNS OUT IT WAS BORN WITHOUT AN ACTUAL BUTTHOLE. IT WAS THERE, JUST SEALD UP BY SKIN. I LITERALLY HAD TO CUT THIS POOR CALF A NEW BUTTHOLE. FML

#20617044
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (82392) - you deserved it (4296)

On 04/23/2013 at 10:01pm - animals - by halliemarie1818 - United States

TODAY, WAS THE DAY MY GIRLFRIEND AND I TRIED TO 69 FOR THE FIRST TIME!! TODAY IS ALSO THE DAY I LEARNED THAT I'M PHYSICALLY INCAPABLE OF MAINTAINING AN ERECTION AFTER SOMEONE FARTS IN MY FACE!! FML

#20163281
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49450) - you deserved it (6256)

On 11/14/2012 at 4:28pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today... my 2-year-old cat finally decided to start catching mice. Like any other cat would... she left it 4 me to find. I found it in the middle of the night... as my bare foot rolled its guts out of its ass. fat FML

#20068907
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23933) - you deserved it (2058)

On 09/12/2012 at 2:31pm - animals - by shadokis (man) - United States (North Carolina)

2day I woke up to a nude picture of mah girlfriend . Once I looked at it mah morning wood went away . FML

#19886014
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33195) - you deserved it (8319)

On 07/03/2012 at 1:33pm - intimacy - by bob - United States (Ohio)

Today, After Mah Boyfriend Broke Up With Me, The Only Thing Positive About Mah Day Was A Pregnancy Test. FML

#19608696
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37542) - you deserved it (6370)

On 05/11/2012 at 7:50pm - love - by rawr_fml001 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I purposely wore a rd shirt to Target just so people would talk to me. FML

#19601147
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24008) - you deserved it (9964)

On 05/10/2012 at 2:44am - misc - by reddd - United States

TODAY, TO AVOID LOOKING LIKE A LOSER IN FRONT OF HIS FRIENDSHO ALL HAVE GIRLFRIENDS, MAH BROTHER MADE UP A PERFECT RELATIONSHIP. HE ASKD ME TO GIVE HIM A HICKEY IN EXCHANGE 4 50 EUROS. OUR PARENTS WALKD IN ON US. FML

#19561833
332 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14622) - you deserved it (52362) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 05/02/2012 at 1:06am - love - by Flip (woman) - France (Rhone-Alpes)

Today, I told the hairdresser that kid had cut hair. I don't have kids. I was just really drunk. FML

#19545053
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6437) - you deserved it (27933)

On 04/28/2012 at 11:06pm - misc - by faux ma (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was trolling in a chat room when someone said, quote: "He's just a no-life, unemployed loser still living in his mom's basement . Probably spends all day stroking his tiny dong and fantasizing about having a real girlfriend." I actually started crying because it was so accurate . FML

#19517748
258 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14260) - you deserved it (50428)

On 04/23/2012 at 6:06pm - misc - by pathetic (man) - Poland (Mazowieckie)

Today, I went to the bathroom to pee. I looked at the toilet paper after I wiped and saw a spider on it. It was still wiggling its legs. FML

#19504984
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27542) - you deserved it (3331)

On 04/21/2012 at 4:36am - animals - by yikes - United States

Today, I went to the bathroom to pee. I looked at the toilet paper after I wiped and saw a spider on it. It was still wiggling its legs. FML

#19504984
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27542) - you deserved it (3331)

On 04/21/2012 at 4:36am - animals - by yikes - United States

Today, the mouse trap I set in mah kitchen workd. I caught a snake. FML

Yesterday I'm Recovering From Colon Surgery. They Gave Me Codeine As Pain Relief , Which Has Made Me Constipatd. I'm Currently Sat On The Toilet , Trying To Push Out Wat Feels Like A Small Child Wrappd In Barbd Wire Out Without Busting Mah Stitches. FML

#19405476
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29738) - you deserved it (1769)

On 04/04/2012 at 6:13am - health - by screaming monkey - United Kingdom (Windsor and Maidenhead)

2day I Woke Up To What Soundd Lyk Twigs Snapping. Turns Out It Was The Skull Of A Live Mouse Being Crushd In Mah Cat's Jaws. Big Fat FML

#19374662
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21240) - you deserved it (2247)

On 03/30/2012 at 3:45am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

TODAY, I THOUGHT ABOUT HOW MAH DAD WENT TO GET ME A HALLOWEEN COSTUME AND HASN'T COME HOME YET. THAT WAS 11 YERES AGO. WE'VE MOVED TWICE SINCE THEN. FML

#19369767
245 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40333) - you deserved it (2534)

On 03/29/2012 at 12:53pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)



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