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dealwithfire's favorite FMLs
Today, I returned home to my parents' house, drunk. Hungry, I grabbed a slice of bread and some butter and took two mouthfuls. Five hours later, my mother woke me up and dragged me to the kitchen. In the middle of the table was a buttered, half-eaten sponge. FML
by Bontempi / 07/19/2012 at 2:55pm / France / Miscellaneous
by fail / 06/15/2012 at 11:36am / United States (Tennessee) / Love
Today, I got my foot stuck in the car seat belt. I kept pulling to loosen it up but it just kept getting tighter till my foot was in the air, so I started panicking and eventually started crying. My boyfriend had to pull over and save me from a seat belt. FML
by greeneyedpothead / 03/29/2012 at 2:33am / United States (California) / Transportation
by Anonymous / 02/27/2012 at 9:12pm / United States / Intimacy
by Dickhead / 11/25/2011 at 10:02am / Lebanon / Intimacy
by PC Jones / 09/20/2011 at 10:56am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work
by Eddie / 08/07/2011 at 3:43pm / Israel (HaMerkaz) / Intimacy
Today, as a joke, I hid under my parents' bed, hoping to scare them when they came home. When they finally arrived, they burst through their bedroom door, tearing each other's clothes off. I had to keep my breath in time with my mom's panting and moaning as my dad brutally dominated her. FML
by gir / 07/14/2011 at 3:35pm / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy
by Cowgirl_Up37 / 07/02/2011 at 4:54pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by beardedlady / 07/02/2011 at 2:44am / United States (Arkansas) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 06/27/2011 at 9:55am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by wtfiswrongwithher / 05/07/2011 at 9:56am / Australia (Queensland) / Love
Today, I woke my husband up at 2am, screaming that there was a badger in our bedroom. We both screamed for a bit until he finally says, "What are we screaming about!?" I took a second look at the badger, and realized it was my four year old daughter with her blanket. FML
by BadgerSpirit / 04/27/2011 at 9:35am / United States (Washington) / Kids
Today, I realized I don't know which is sadder: the fact I have detailed conversations with myself in my car, or that I bought a Bluetooth earpiece so that I can do it in public without people thinking I'm a complete lunatic. FML
by shelby / 03/30/2011 at 12:54am / United States / Health
- Today, a car almost hit me. Since I wasn’t hurt, the driver chased me with a baseball bat to finish… Today, after recently moving to Australia, I saw my first kangaroo. In the refrigerated section of… Today, I truly understood that I was in Germany when, in my workplace, during our lunch break, one…