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darkforce146's favorite FMLs
Today, I found out my blood type is B. My parents are type A and type O. It's not genetically possible to be blood type B if your parents are A and O. This means I am either an adoptee, a mutant, or an illegitimate child. FML
by hedgehog5 / 04/11/2009 at 3:14pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, brand new cocktail dress: $300. Matching peep toe heels: $100. Getting my hair done at the salon: $80. Treating myself to a mani/pedi: $50. When finally meeting the guy I have been chatting online with for 2 months, I find out he's my cousin: priceless. FML
by Anonymous / 04/10/2009 at 2:42pm / United States (Michigan) / Love
Today, my fiancé's parents visited. I keep chickens for their eggs, and his parents own a farm, so we had a connection. They told us to leave the house while they cooked us dinner. When we returned, we faced two steaming plates of chicken. My chickens. They had names. FML
by lanbon182 / 04/10/2009 at 1:11am / United States (California) / Animals
Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for a while, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "Soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML
by creepermagnet / 04/06/2009 at 3:39pm / United States (Maryland) / Love
by GuitarChick42 / 04/04/2009 at 2:15pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy
by rebekah / 04/03/2009 at 3:39pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
Today, I saw a lesbian couple walking through the mall. One of the ladies walked up to me in the middle of the busy mall and started screaming at me about how rude it is to stare, and how we are all equal- straight or not. I was only staring because I'm a lesbian too, and they were hot. FML
by Anonymous / 04/02/2009 at 10:33pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love
Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML
by Anonymous / 04/02/2009 at 1:13am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 03/31/2009 at 1:40am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by jdsksoapy / 03/30/2009 at 4:16pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, a 7-year-old girl came up to me and told me to go fuck myself. I told her to watch her language or else I'd tell her parents. Her mom happened to be nearby and actually heard the conversation; she came up to me and told me to go fuck myself as well. FML
by Wmsys32pr9 / 03/30/2009 at 1:06am / United States (Washington) / Kids
Today, I was getting sick of listening to the guy in the next room over getting nasty with some girl, so I called my girlfriend to see if she wanted to go get some food. Then I heard her phone ring. Through the wall. FML
by Anonymous / 03/28/2009 at 4:18pm / United States (New York) / Love
Today, this girl and I were chilling in my apartment and things got heated up and we started making out. One thing lead to another and the next thing I knew she was giving me head. I was getting ready to bust when she stopped, looked up into my eyes and said "Do you believe in Jesus?" FML
by JAY22 / 03/26/2009 at 7:41am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
by happybirthday / 03/24/2009 at 5:15pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous
Today, I texted my boyfriend to see if he wanted to finally have sex today. His response was "Can't, Platinum just came out." I didn't know what that meant so I searched "Platinum 3-22-2009" on Google. I found out he's talking about a new Pokémon game. FML
by thisreallysucks2 / 03/22/2009 at 10:15pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
- Today, I caught my dad spanking my mom with a spatula. The same spatula I use to cook my eggs every… Today, I was having sex with a girl. After we finish, she tells me she already has a boyfriend, and… Today, I was enjoying my last day of Spring Break in Panama City. I got up to dance on the stage at…