danishbagel

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danishbagel

3Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 30 January 1997 (19 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 5170
  • Number of comments : 154
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About danishbagel : I'm red... I'm white... and I'm Danish dynamite.

If you're here to try and get some dirt on me, too bad. ;)

danishbagel's page activity

Visits<b>SixthSinEnvy</b> - the 07/02/2016 at 2:57pm<b>Pop_And_Lock</b> - the 06/26/2016 at 12:22pm<b>walker9879</b> - the 06/13/2016 at 1:29pm<b>MrGodface</b> - the 02/03/2016 at 2:20pm<b>bittersymphony</b> - the 11/29/2015 at 1:06am<b>ThunderLightTSV</b> - the 10/16/2015 at 3:10pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 08/22/2015 at 8:17am<b>legendaryplya</b> - the 08/20/2015 at 11:27pm<b>ZombieSazza</b> - the 07/27/2015 at 11:00am<b>shmoooopie</b> - the 07/08/2015 at 5:44pm<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 06/02/2015 at 2:08pm<b>kmaheynoway</b> - the 05/26/2015 at 12:34am<b>clitoria</b> - the 05/03/2015 at 4:35am<b>sheba72</b> - the 04/22/2015 at 12:55am<b>mt631</b> - the 03/07/2015 at 12:45pm<b>derp_taco</b> - the 02/06/2015 at 10:42am<b>AnnaDeWitt</b> - the 10/25/2014 at 3:37pm<b>kelseysking</b> - the 09/20/2014 at 10:18pm

Fucked!<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 08/22/2015 at 2:17pm<b>derp_taco</b> - the 02/06/2015 at 4:42pm

danishbagel's FML badges

50 quality responses

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danishbagel's favorite FMLs

Today, we had a fire drill in my dorm, and I live on the 7th floor of my building. They shut the elevators down and I had to walk down 14 flights of steps. I shattered my kneecap last week. They turned the alarm off when I got to the first floor. FML

by stepknee / 10/13/2009 at 10:31pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, the 86 year old guy next door told me I needed three things in life to succeed: a cook book, a boyfriend, and a boob job. FML

by Anonymous / 10/12/2009 at 4:57pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Miscellaneous

Today, when we were at wrestling practice, we had to bend over to stretch. When I bent down, I noticed a car on the street stopped. There was a sixty year old man watching us. He then licked his lips and drove away. FML

by iceman123432 / 09/02/2009 at 4:07pm / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, on the train on the way to my mother's house, I was playing Mariokart with my son. He got a 'bomb' item, and yelled quite loudly, "I have a bomb!". Panic ensued. We got thrown off the train at the next stop. FML

by mariokarter / 08/28/2009 at 12:41am / United Kingdom (London) / Transportation

Today, I was doing target practice with my new paintball pistol. One of the bullets missed, and hit my new neighbor's house. I went up to the door to apologize, not realizing I was still holding the paintball gun. My ex-soldier neighbor thought I was robbing him and put me in a chokehold. FML

by signupsheetfail / 08/12/2009 at 3:02pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my ex got dumped by his girlfriend. Seeing my opportunity I sent him a song I wrote for him about how much I still love him. He sent it on to the girl who had just dumped him claiming he had written it. They are back together. FML

by sadsongstress / 08/12/2009 at 7:18am / Belgium (Brabant) / Love

Today, I finally told my mom I am a lesbian. She started laughing and said 'Good one honey'. I told her I wasn't joking, and she took my face in her hands and said 'You ARE joking!' Then she left. FML

by Anonymous / 08/12/2009 at 12:44am / United States (Kansas) / Intimacy

Today, my mom drove me to football practice. On the way she told me that she thought I was gay and that my friend was my lover. After 15 agonizing minutes of this, we get to my practice only to be greeted by my shirtless friend wearing a pink bandana saying "Man, you hit me hard last night." FML

by Anonymous / 08/10/2009 at 3:10am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that worms in apples aren't something that you just see in cartoons. FML

by rivercitybarf / 08/08/2009 at 4:48am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that worms in apples aren't something that you just see in cartoons. FML

by rivercitybarf / 08/08/2009 at 4:48am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found what I assumed was my laptop, though my mother has the same one. As I opened it, I was greeted by a video of my father waving. He wasn't using his hands. FML

by daddysboy123 / 08/06/2009 at 11:40am / United States (Maine) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was sitting in the break room at work eating lunch when I started to choke. My face turned red and tears began welling up in my eyes. Two of my coworkers were there. They began to argue over who would have to give me the heimlich maneuver rather than helping. FML

by swaiteATC / 07/28/2009 at 12:11am / United States (Mississippi) / Health

Today, after work, I parked in the parking lot I go to every day to let heavy traffic go by. As I was about to leave, two cops suddenly yanked me out of the car and arrested me for "stocking," as they spelled it on the report. Some paranoid girl thought I was parking there every day to watch her. FML

Today, at work, a woman came up to the counter and asked if we made sweet and sour chicken. Before I could answer, she told me a really long recipe and said "I expect to see this on the menu next time I come in, or I will complain to the manager about your lousy work ethic". I work at Starbucks. FML

by Barista / 07/05/2009 at 1:21am / United States (Wisconsin) / Work

Today, I was on the phone with a prospective blind date. He asked me to describe myself so I said that I was fun, attractive and a little chubby but not fat. My 7 year old sister walked up to me and screamed "Jesus doesn't like it when we lie!". FML

by apparentlyugly / 06/15/2009 at 3:11pm / United States / Love