danishbagel

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danishbagel

3Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 30 January 1997 (19 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 5194
  • Number of comments : 154
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About danishbagel : I'm red... I'm white... and I'm Danish dynamite.

If you're here to try and get some dirt on me, too bad. ;)

danishbagel's page activity

Visits<b>SixthSinEnvy</b> - the 07/02/2016 at 2:57pm<b>Pop_And_Lock</b> - the 06/26/2016 at 12:22pm<b>walker9879</b> - the 06/13/2016 at 1:29pm<b>MrGodface</b> - the 02/03/2016 at 2:20pm<b>bittersymphony</b> - the 11/29/2015 at 1:06am<b>ThunderLightTSV</b> - the 10/16/2015 at 3:10pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 08/22/2015 at 8:17am<b>legendaryplya</b> - the 08/20/2015 at 11:27pm<b>ZombieSazza</b> - the 07/27/2015 at 11:00am<b>shmoooopie</b> - the 07/08/2015 at 5:44pm<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 06/02/2015 at 2:08pm<b>kmaheynoway</b> - the 05/26/2015 at 12:34am<b>clitoria</b> - the 05/03/2015 at 4:35am<b>sheba72</b> - the 04/22/2015 at 12:55am<b>mt631</b> - the 03/07/2015 at 12:45pm<b>derp_taco</b> - the 02/06/2015 at 10:42am<b>AnnaDeWitt</b> - the 10/25/2014 at 3:37pm<b>kelseysking</b> - the 09/20/2014 at 10:18pm

Fucked!<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 08/22/2015 at 2:17pm<b>derp_taco</b> - the 02/06/2015 at 4:42pm

danishbagel's FML badges

50 quality responses

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danishbagel's favorite FMLs

Today, I got mugged by someone wearing a bear suit. FML

by mugged / 06/01/2010 at 7:41pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend of two years broke up with me. Why? He said his mom didn't want us together anymore. His mom died three years ago. FML

by Babygirl / 05/17/2010 at 7:01pm / Love

Today, I found out my sister has a new boyfriend. That would have been helpful to know 3 hours ago before I told her boyfriend, who is also my best friend, that I loved him. His response? "HAHAHA! Good one! Oh Seriously? Shit." FML

by SingleSara. / 03/02/2010 at 1:07am / Canada (British Columbia) / Love

Today, my boyfriend and I were asleep. Evidently, he was dreaming about being a UFC fighter, because, out of no where, he grabs the back of my head and punches me in the nose. I haven't been able to breathe right out of my nose all day. FML

by anonymous / 02/27/2010 at 11:06am / United States / Love

Today, I finished my classwork and my homework early. Since we weren't allowed to leave the room, I decided to draw. My teacher noticed and gave me detention for "goofing off" when I should be doing my work. When I told the teacher I was already done, they gave me a second detention for "attempting to defy them". FML

by fannylover / 02/18/2010 at 3:12pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was caught going on Facebook at work. I was called into my boss' office to be reprimanded, and while he was lecturing me on the importance of staying focussed and the misuse of company property, his computer beeped. It was his Facebook chat notifying him of a new message. FML

by boredatwork / 01/29/2010 at 10:33am / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I met my new college room-mate. He then introduced me to his imaginary friend. FML

by Anonymous / 01/18/2010 at 7:01pm / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out my boyfriends' mother has invented a new kind of cake and named it after me: not because it's delicious, but because of the amount of fat in it. FML

by Jumja / 01/15/2010 at 6:37am / Netherlands (Zuid-Holland) / Love

Today, I found out that my parents bought a stripper pole, my mom even hired a stripper to teach her some "moves." I'm scared to go in their room now. FML

by kte / 12/30/2009 at 5:36am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, as my dad was handing me my Christmas gift, he pats me on the shoulder and says, "These were mine, hope you enjoy them as much as I did." Thinking it was something special of his he wanted to hand down to me, I quickly unwrapped the box only to find old 70's porn. Merry Christmas? FML

by Anonymous / 12/25/2009 at 8:23pm / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy

Today, I asked my kids how much they loved me. My seven year old responded, 'I'll love you forever mummy.' My sixteen year old responded, 'Can you wind down the window, I just farted.' FML

by ljjprchf / 12/12/2009 at 8:29pm / Australia (Queensland) / Kids

Today, I got a call from my daughter's pre-school. Apparently, she is being suspended, for answering; "What do your parents do at home?" She told them, "My parents fuck." FML

by Anonymous / 12/11/2009 at 7:45pm / United States (Texas) / Kids

Today, I got in a hotel elevator. There was a kid in there also. He got off on the 3rd floor. As he was stepping from the elevator, he decided to press every single button. It's a 35 floor hotel. My room is on the 32nd floor. FML

by w0rstdayever / 11/27/2009 at 3:01pm / United States (New York) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, a cat came up to me on the pavement so I petted it a little. An elderly man rode past on his bicycle and shouted "I'd like to stroke your pussy too!" FML

by pussystroker / 11/19/2009 at 12:20pm / United Kingdom (Peterborough) / Intimacy

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of 4 years. Her response? First, she threw up all over me and then she started crying hysterically. I'll take that as a no. FML

by youmakemesick / 11/12/2009 at 12:36am / United States (New Jersey) / Love