danishbagel

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danishbagel

3Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 30 January 1997 (19 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 4849
  • Number of comments : 154
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About danishbagel : I'm red... I'm white... and I'm Danish dynamite.

If you're here to try and get some dirt on me, too bad. ;)

danishbagel's page activity

Visits<b>Pop_And_Lock</b> - 12 hours ago<b>walker9879</b> - the 06/13/2016 at 1:29pm<b>MrGodface</b> - the 02/03/2016 at 2:20pm<b>bittersymphony</b> - the 11/29/2015 at 1:06am<b>ThunderLightTSV</b> - the 10/16/2015 at 3:10pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 08/22/2015 at 8:17am<b>legendaryplya</b> - the 08/20/2015 at 11:27pm<b>ZombieSazza</b> - the 07/27/2015 at 11:00am<b>shmoooopie</b> - the 07/08/2015 at 5:44pm<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 06/02/2015 at 2:08pm<b>kmaheynoway</b> - the 05/26/2015 at 12:34am<b>clitoria</b> - the 05/03/2015 at 4:35am<b>sheba72</b> - the 04/22/2015 at 12:55am<b>mt631</b> - the 03/07/2015 at 12:45pm<b>derp_taco</b> - the 02/06/2015 at 10:42am<b>AnnaDeWitt</b> - the 10/25/2014 at 3:37pm<b>kelseysking</b> - the 09/20/2014 at 10:18pm<b>dying_to_know</b> - the 06/19/2014 at 3:16pm

Fucked!<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 08/22/2015 at 2:17pm<b>derp_taco</b> - the 02/06/2015 at 4:42pm

danishbagel's FML badges

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danishbagel's favorite FMLs

Today, I found a very large pumpkin super-glued to my car. It will not come off. FML

by Anonymous / 07/02/2011 at 12:46am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Transportation

Today, my dad spent a full half hour trying to convince me that Judaism is a race. FML

by Anonymous / 07/01/2011 at 6:02pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was working the register at our local McDonald's. After a strange man left a massive order, he said, "Can I pay you in gummy worms?" FML

by Hank Gummyworm / 06/16/2011 at 2:37am / United States (Michigan) / Work

Today, I was unbelievably horny so I sent a kinky text message to a boy I really like, only to receive the reply, "Not tonight, I'm raging Minecraft, having a wank, and going to sleep. Try again tomorrow." FML

by Username / 06/14/2011 at 9:17pm / United Kingdom (Lancashire) / Intimacy

Today, my friend sent me an online money transfer. After forgetting the password and locking myself out of my account, I had to phone up the bank and have it reset. I was prompted to answer the security question, which was "What, what?" I had to say "In the butt." to get my money. FML

by notinthebutt / 06/14/2011 at 1:57pm / United States (Minnesota) / Money

Today, my dad came round to the house. Looking rather pleased with himself he pulled out his phone, grinned, and chucked it over to me. I glanced at the screen to see a naked woman. He smiled and said "I tapped that last night". FML

by peaaaak / 06/03/2011 at 6:17am / United Kingdom (Thurrock) / Intimacy

Today, I gave my husband an ultimatum: either he could have sex with me or play Minecraft. Needless to say, he spent the rest of the evening playing Minecraft. FML

by minecraftwilldie / 06/02/2011 at 12:52pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, I gave my husband an ultimatum: either he could have sex with me or play Minecraft. Needless to say, he spent the rest of the evening playing Minecraft. FML

by minecraftwilldie / 06/02/2011 at 12:52pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, I was slammed onto my car, thrown on the ground, and arrested for outstanding warrants from 1979. I was born in 1992. FML

by aarone23 / 06/01/2011 at 9:30am / United States (Oklahoma) / Transportation

Today, I called my mom and I got voicemail: "Hello, this is Joyce. I'm not here at the moment, so leave a message and I will call back as soon as possible. Except if it's Sophie. If it is, get the hell out of my life, biiitch." I'm Sophie. FML

by thatsasquee / 05/21/2011 at 2:42am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my cat took a shit in my toaster. FML

by Anonymous / 04/19/2011 at 10:21pm / United States / Animals

TODAY, I PRESSED CAPS LOCK ON MY LAPTOP AND THE KEY GOT STUCK. NOW ALL OF MY LETTERS ARE IN CAPITAL LETTERS. I HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING. FML

by Anonymous / 03/21/2011 at 1:32pm / United Kingdom (Wiltshire) / Geek

Today, my boyfriend was buying a new hockey stick; to test it out he started hitting a ball around the aisle and decided to shoot it back into its bin. Instead the ball hit me dead in the mouth, giving me a fat lip. Instead of consoling me, my boyfriend yelled "GOAL!" FML

by Anonymous / 03/20/2011 at 11:34pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom banned me from watching The Simpsons and Family Guy because apparently, they're part of "the Devil's plan to corrupt God's children". FML

by Jonathan / 03/18/2011 at 5:40pm / Denmark (Midtjyllen) / Miscellaneous

Today, it was the début of the high school musical I was in. When two others and I sang the word "Hell", my mother yelled at us for using that language, while the musical was still going, and dragged me off stage. FML

by Anonymous / 03/12/2011 at 12:14am / United States (Missouri) / Kids