danishbagel

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danishbagel

3Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 30 January 1997 (19 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 5167
  • Number of comments : 154
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About danishbagel : I'm red... I'm white... and I'm Danish dynamite.

If you're here to try and get some dirt on me, too bad. ;)

danishbagel's page activity

Visits<b>SixthSinEnvy</b> - the 07/02/2016 at 2:57pm<b>Pop_And_Lock</b> - the 06/26/2016 at 12:22pm<b>walker9879</b> - the 06/13/2016 at 1:29pm<b>MrGodface</b> - the 02/03/2016 at 2:20pm<b>bittersymphony</b> - the 11/29/2015 at 1:06am<b>ThunderLightTSV</b> - the 10/16/2015 at 3:10pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 08/22/2015 at 8:17am<b>legendaryplya</b> - the 08/20/2015 at 11:27pm<b>ZombieSazza</b> - the 07/27/2015 at 11:00am<b>shmoooopie</b> - the 07/08/2015 at 5:44pm<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 06/02/2015 at 2:08pm<b>kmaheynoway</b> - the 05/26/2015 at 12:34am<b>clitoria</b> - the 05/03/2015 at 4:35am<b>sheba72</b> - the 04/22/2015 at 12:55am<b>mt631</b> - the 03/07/2015 at 12:45pm<b>derp_taco</b> - the 02/06/2015 at 10:42am<b>AnnaDeWitt</b> - the 10/25/2014 at 3:37pm<b>kelseysking</b> - the 09/20/2014 at 10:18pm

Fucked!<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 08/22/2015 at 2:17pm<b>derp_taco</b> - the 02/06/2015 at 4:42pm

danishbagel's FML badges

50 quality responses

Clicking reply to a comment is a worthy thing to do. To do so without getting buried is even better.

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Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

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danishbagel's favorite FMLs

Today, I made a new friend. He seemed pretty cool, until we came to the topic of religion and the ancient alien theory. I'm seemingly now friends with a guy who thinks alien Jesus raped an Earth woman, and we're the resulting cross-breed. FML

by blueglover / 03/27/2012 at 3:40am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was shaving naked in my cold bathroom before showering. My wife walked up behind me, yelled "Shrinkage!" and flicked the head of my penis as hard as she could. FML

by Anonymous / 03/12/2012 at 12:16am / United States / Intimacy

Today, my kitchen nearly burned down because the fire alarm didn't detect the plumes of smoke wafting through the kitchen. This is the same alarm that wails when I use the toaster. FML

by Lea / 01/16/2012 at 3:18pm / Denmark (Sjelland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got into a car accident. The other party left the scene immediately after without exchanging insurance information. Deer can be so rude. FML

by Anonymous / 11/16/2011 at 9:24pm / United States (Texas) / Transportation

Today, I saw my upstairs neighbor outside getting the mail. She asked how my day was, and then apologized that the sound of her baby's crying through the walls kept me up last night. Apparently she heard me when I yelled at 2am for her fucking demon spawn to shut up. FML

by Deborah / 10/27/2011 at 2:41am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I came home from school and found my mother singing along to her latest investment, a compilation CD filled with heavy metal covers of ABBA classics. FML

Today, my professor snapped and told me that I know nothing, that everything I've ever learned is wrong, and that all of my former teachers should be shot. FML

by failure / 09/22/2011 at 2:36pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, my five year old ran down the street wearing nothing but flip flops, Star Wars underwear, and a baseball helmet. He was swinging a badminton racket while screaming "THIS IS SPARTA!" My neighbors watched laughing as I had to run after him down the street in my pajamas. FML

by awesomekidsmum / 09/17/2011 at 9:20pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, my house got watermeloned. Not egged, watermeloned. FML

by skichick54 / 08/24/2011 at 1:28am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was teasing my 12 year old little cousin about him liking my best friend. I guess it made him mad because he yelled "Breast cancer!" at the top of his lungs before power-punching my right boob. FML

by brittbrat4 / 08/13/2011 at 2:51am / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, I walked outside my house to find my father in nothing but his underwear, spraying ants with ant-killer, laughing like a maniac and screaming, "Die bitches! Die!" FML

by TuteSweet / 08/12/2011 at 2:17am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, in health class, I raised my hand and asked if you could get an STD from dogs. I have officially now ruined any extremely small chance I had of being popular. FML

by loser4life / 07/30/2011 at 12:38am / United States (Colorado) / Animals

Today, I was browsing the web when I checked the search history. Turns out my son has been searching for "nude grills" and "hot grills." Not only is my 12-year-old son attempting to find porn on the internet, he also can't spell. FML

by Nickname / 07/27/2011 at 10:02pm / United States (Kansas) / Intimacy

Today, as a joke, I hid under my parents' bed, hoping to scare them when they came home. When they finally arrived, they burst through their bedroom door, tearing each other's clothes off. I had to keep my breath in time with my mom's panting and moaning as my dad brutally dominated her. FML

by gir / 07/14/2011 at 3:35pm / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that the 2 loud "firework booms" I heard were actually a guy shooting his dog on the unfinished road behind my house. FML

by oopsies / 07/04/2011 at 5:11am / United States / Animals