Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

danishbagel

Search for a member

danishbagel

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 30 January 1997 (17 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 2509
  • Number of comments : 154
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About danishbagel : I'm red... I'm white... and I'm Danish dynamite.

If you're here to try and get some dirt on me, too bad. ;)

danishbagel's page activity

Visits<b>AnnaDeWitt</b> - the 10/25/2014 at 3:37pm<b>kelseysking</b> - the 09/20/2014 at 10:18pm<b>dying_to_know</b> - the 06/19/2014 at 3:16pm<b>drewski_14</b> - the 06/12/2014 at 12:23am<b>PHP</b> - the 06/05/2014 at 5:29pm<b>gennyv</b> - the 05/31/2014 at 5:39pm<b>miyaviichan</b> - the 05/28/2014 at 9:32pm<b>Ohthatsnasty</b> - the 01/01/2014 at 3:23am<b>ForbiddenDestiny</b> - the 12/01/2013 at 3:12am<b>sallywifeofjack</b> - the 11/30/2013 at 2:29am<b>jadeluv</b> - the 07/25/2013 at 11:43am<b>FlamingColor</b> - the 04/23/2013 at 1:33am<b>Allornone</b> - the 02/19/2013 at 11:20pm<b>zinji707</b> - the 01/09/2013 at 3:57pm<b>Starter</b> - the 12/24/2012 at 7:26am<b>L_Lovegood</b> - the 03/16/2012 at 1:28am<b>Fruitmonster2</b> - the 03/16/2012 at 1:06am

danishbagel's FML badges

50 quality responses

Clicking reply to a comment is a worthy thing to do. To do so without getting buried is even better.

It’s in the can

Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

Profile completed

You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.

danishbagel's favorite FMLs

Today, I made a new friend. He seemed pretty cool, until we came to the topic of religion and the ancient alien theory. I'm seemingly now friends with a guy who thinks alien Jesus raped an Earth woman, and we're the resulting cross-breed. FML

#19355965
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19833) - you deserved it (3268)

On 03/27/2012 at 3:40am - misc - by blueglover - United States (California)

Today, I was shaving naked in my cold bathroom before showering. My wife walked up behind me, yelled "Shrinkage!" and flicked the head of my penis as hard as she could. FML

#19261628
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31003) - you deserved it (4092)

On 03/12/2012 at 12:16am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my kitchen nearly burned down because the fire alarm didn't detect the plumes of smoke wafting through the kitchen. This is the same alarm that wails when I use the toaster. FML

#18825531
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29188) - you deserved it (2934)

On 01/16/2012 at 3:18pm - misc - by Lea (woman) - Denmark (Sjelland)

Today, I got into a car accident. The other party left the scene immediately after without exchanging insurance information. Deer can be so rude. FML

#18267814
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26869) - you deserved it (7956)

On 11/16/2011 at 9:24pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I saw my upstairs neighbor outside getting the mail. She asked how my day was, and then apologized that the sound of her baby's crying through the walls kept me up last night. Apparently she heard me when I yelled at 2am for her fucking demon spawn to shut up. FML

#18086804
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13648) - you deserved it (34854)

On 10/27/2011 at 2:41am - misc - by Deborah - United States

Today, I came home from school and found my mother singing along to her latest investment, a compilation CD filled with heavy metal covers of ABBA classics. FML

Today, my professor snapped and told me that I know nothing, that everything I've ever learned is wrong, and that all of my former teachers should be shot. FML

#17804951
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28044) - you deserved it (4570)

On 09/22/2011 at 2:36pm - misc - by failure (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my five year old ran down the street wearing nothing but flip flops, Star Wars underwear, and a baseball helmet. He was swinging a badminton racket while screaming "THIS IS SPARTA!" My neighbors watched laughing as I had to run after him down the street in my pajamas. FML

#17767423
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29576) - you deserved it (8251)

On 09/17/2011 at 9:20pm - kids - by awesomekidsmum - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my house got watermeloned. Not egged, watermeloned. FML

#17564993
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37347) - you deserved it (3281)

On 08/24/2011 at 1:28am - misc - by skichick54 - United States (Washington)

Today, I was teasing my 12 year old little cousin about him liking my best friend. I guess it made him mad because he yelled "Breast cancer!" at the top of his lungs before power-punching my right boob. FML

#17457165
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17819) - you deserved it (32184)

On 08/13/2011 at 2:51am - kids - by brittbrat4 - United States (Florida)

Today, I walked outside my house to find my father in nothing but his underwear, spraying ants with ant-killer, laughing like a maniac and screaming, "Die bitches! Die!" FML

#17447180
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31883) - you deserved it (4282)

On 08/12/2011 at 2:17am - misc - by TuteSweet - United States (Connecticut)

Today, in health class, I raised my hand and asked if you could get an STD from dogs. I have officially now ruined any extremely small chance I had of being popular. FML

#17304355
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10028) - you deserved it (71567)

On 07/30/2011 at 12:38am - animals - by loser4life - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was browsing the web when I checked the search history. Turns out my son has been searching for "nude grills" and "hot grills." Not only is my 12-year-old son attempting to find porn on the internet, he also can't spell. FML

#17281952
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37504) - you deserved it (5605)

On 07/27/2011 at 10:02pm - intimacy - by Nickname (man) - United States (Kansas)

Today, as a joke, I hid under my parents' bed, hoping to scare them when they came home. When they finally arrived, they burst through their bedroom door, tearing each other's clothes off. I had to keep my breath in time with my mom's panting and moaning as my dad brutally dominated her. FML

#17109043
426 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31031) - you deserved it (89854)

On 07/14/2011 at 3:35pm - intimacy - by gir - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I found out that the 2 loud "firework booms" I heard were actually a guy shooting his dog on the unfinished road behind my house. FML

#16970335
306 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37601) - you deserved it (2607)

On 07/04/2011 at 5:11am - animals - by oopsies - United States



FML's blog

  • Malec's illustrated FML
  • Life is like a box of chocolate full of piece of rabbit droppings sometimes, isn't it? OK, I'll admit that's a weird way to start an article a few days before Christmas. Let me explain: you try and get…

Friday 12 December 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: