About dacho : Nintendocore, mathcore, emo, screamo, post-hc, pop punk, punk rock. Vegetarian. Agnostic. Anime, TV shows, movies. Bass. Online 'gamer' and 'gamer'. Internetz ^^
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Beginner
You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.
Mobility
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML
I agree, your life sucks (33340) - you deserved it (13136)
On 05/27/2011 at 9:04pm - intimacy - by valerie - United States (Texas)
Today, I was walking home when a stranger came up to me and told me to give him a good reason why he shouldn't punch me in the face. I guess none were good enough. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31451) - you deserved it (2854)
On 05/27/2011 at 10:00am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Belgium (Brussels Hoofdstedelijk Gewest)
Today, I went on a blind date at a fancy restaurant. My date was running a bit late, so I went ahead and got a table. I got bored, so I decided to ask my waiter how I looked. He stood there, then said that "it's against company policy to mock customers to their face." FML
I agree, your life sucks (29930) - you deserved it (5863)
On 05/24/2011 at 9:59am - misc - by BurnedByAWaiter -
Today, I discovered that my boyfriend gets a nose bleed every time he orgasms. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31808) - you deserved it (3028)
On 05/24/2011 at 12:27am - intimacy - by nr1234 (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I had my new girlfriend over for dinner. Halfway through the meal, my dad started poking her with his fork. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he barked back, "Just making sure she isn't a blow-up doll!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (33364) - you deserved it (3121)
On 05/20/2011 at 7:30pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend refused to go down on me because I smelled of baby lotion and it made him feel like a child molester. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32645) - you deserved it (11381)
On 05/20/2011 at 4:40am - intimacy - by skiittlez713 (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I found out that my grandfather, who is a retired Marine, has paid real money to buy ALL the Lady Gaga themed items for his farm in FarmVille. I don't know what's worse, that he did it, or that I'm jealous of not having that stuff. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18695) - you deserved it (5827)
On 05/20/2011 at 12:12am - misc - by Mandy (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I sent my boyfriend a well thought out, steamy, and sexy sext message. His reply? "Three bidders for my drums on eBay! Makiiin' Monaaaay!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (25237) - you deserved it (4680)
On 05/19/2011 at 10:08pm - intimacy - by rileycrash (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I woke up face-down in my grandfather's driveway, soaking wet with no pants, glitter in my hair, and holding an empty Skippy peanut butter jar. No one will tell me what happened. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27717) - you deserved it (15522)
On 05/19/2011 at 9:38pm - misc - by Devon (man) - United States (Vermont)
Today, I woke up in a panic to what sounded like a plane about to crash into my house. I was so scared, I peed myself and passed out. It was just my cell phone vibrating under my pillow. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10369) - you deserved it (33006)
On 05/19/2011 at 1:38pm - misc - by esoog - United States (California)
Today, I went shopping with my cousin. Walking down the road, I heard her say "Can you hold my hand?" I was confused, but thought it was cute, so I held her hand and kept walking. It turns out she'd asked me to hold her bag. We didn't say another word after that. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22874) - you deserved it (5594)
On 05/19/2011 at 8:51am - misc - by awkwardd (man) - Hong Kong
Today, I got pulled over for going about 88mph. When the cop asked why I was speeding, I replied, "I was trying to go back in time". He didn't like that answer and gave me a ticket. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9037) - you deserved it (47669)
On 05/19/2011 at 1:30am - work - by 613tanner -
Today, I got a boner in the MRI machine while my pelvic bone was being scanned. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39904) - you deserved it (6910)
On 05/17/2011 at 6:06am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Finland (Southern Finland)
Today, I had a parent-teacher conference with my 8 year old son. He'd written "Chuck Norris" as the answer for every question on his test. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32079) - you deserved it (9440)
On 05/17/2011 at 12:54am - kids - by yobruh -
Today, my girlfriend asked if we could spice up our sex life. She didn't think it was too funny when I laid out all of our spices on the bed. She now refuses to have sex. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16952) - you deserved it (54860)
On 05/16/2011 at 1:40am - intimacy - by phoenix101 -
Friday 24 May 2013
The website: FML t-shirts -
Love - Animals - Money - Kids - Work - Health - Intimacy - Miscellaneous - Members
RSS feeds: 
Follow the FML Follow the FML blog 
Follow the FML comments
Go on the road: BlackBerry - Android - iPhone/iPod Touch - Windows Phone 7 - Mobile version
Give stuff to people: FML book - FML t-shirts
FML Everywhere: Français - Italiano - Español - Türk - Pусский - Svenskt - Indonesia
