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crackpotL

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crackpotL
  • Town/Country : Calgary, canada
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Sunday 30 September 1984 (29 years)
  • Number of visits : 559
  • Number of comments : 49
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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crackpotL's favorite FMLs

Today, my dog farted next to my CPAP sleep/breathing machine. The machine sucked up her fart, compressed it, and promptly injected it up both of my nostrils. FML

#8202300
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34633) - you deserved it (3109)

On 02/13/2010 at 11:08am - animals - by Dog fart - United States

Today, I laughed so hard my milk went out my nose in front of the boy I liked. Then, since I was laughing so hard about that, I accidentally farted. FML

#7901856
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29599) - you deserved it (7214)

On 02/05/2010 at 8:44am - misc - by hisgirl4life (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, while studying in India, I was peacefully journaling, reflecting and enjoying the beautiful landscape. And then a monkey threw its poo at me. FML

#7160952
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25743) - you deserved it (4554)

On 01/05/2010 at 7:49am - misc - by Anonymous - India (Madhya Pradesh)

Today, I was trying to see how far I could get away from the toilet while pissing. Instead I tripped over backwards and pissed all over my face. FML

#7101810
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6847) - you deserved it (63449)

On 01/02/2010 at 8:41am - misc - by pissfaced (man) - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, I have been stuck in the bathroom. Apparently, my 8 year old son decided to sneak in some TurboLax into the juice we left out for Santa. Well played son. FML

#6937557
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29023) - you deserved it (6667)

On 12/25/2009 at 11:15am - kids - by BathroomMuch (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to Walmart with my girlfriend. We bought the usual, food, Advil and condoms. While I waited in line, she went to grab everything. When she came back, I looked in the cart and saw no condoms. I asked her why she didn't get any. She replied "They ran out of smalls." Everyone laughed. FML

#6553131
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43208) - you deserved it (7406)

On 12/01/2009 at 4:11pm - misc - by xXxJoe16xXx - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I woke up after taking a sleep pill for the first time. I started in on a number of chores including paying bills when I noticed a new charge on my online credit card bill from 1am. I bought $120 worth of meat from an infomercial. It's non-refundable. I'm vegetarian. FML

#6434122
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17430) - you deserved it (8167)

On 11/24/2009 at 7:53am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I left my hammer outside after putting up my 'for sale' sign in front of my house. I realised and went outside to get it. The hammer had been used to smash my car window and steal stuff inside. FML

#6085563
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25378) - you deserved it (5963)

On 10/31/2009 at 3:09pm - misc - by dogsickftl - United Kingdom (Leicester)

Today, I wore my kilt to the university I attend. Getting tired of the stares which I was receiving, I yelled "It's cause its too big to fit in my pants". As soon as the words left my mouth, a gust of wind came and blew my kilt up around my waist, revealing that my previous claim was untrue. FML

#6053376
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8576) - you deserved it (47178)

On 10/29/2009 at 10:31am - misc - by TrueScotsman (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I was at a bar and very drunk. I went to the urinal and when I was done I went to zip up when I realized I never unzipped. FML

#5760830
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9585) - you deserved it (53284)

On 10/10/2009 at 4:45pm - misc - by loser - Sent from mobile version

Today, I pulled someone over for speeding. He was only 10 over the speed limit so I gave him an $84 fine. It turns out he is a workplace Occupational Health and Safety officer and because I wasn't wearing my high visibilty vest while standing on the side of the road he gave me a $250 fine. FML

#5309221
370 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21307) - you deserved it (75872)

On 09/17/2009 at 6:57am - work - by auscop (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I was on the phone bragging to a friend about losing my virginity last night. When I went downstairs, my 6 year old sister was digging through my purse. She explained that she had overheard my conversation and wanted to help me find my virginity. My mom was in the kitchen with us. FML

#4505034
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33407) - you deserved it (76080)

On 08/13/2009 at 4:57pm - kids - by bubbalicious (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, was my wedding. After eating, I had an urge to fart. I let one rip just before my husband and I were called to do the garter dance. He seductively tried to use his teeth to remove the garter and came out from under my dress dry heaving. I dutch ovened my husband in front of everyone. FML

#3484293
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48124) - you deserved it (21624)

On 07/04/2009 at 5:07pm - love - by DutchOven (woman) - United States (North Carolina)



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