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cpatte10

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cpatte10

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  • Number of visits : 509
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cpatte10's page activity

Visits<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 9:44pm

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cpatte10's favorite FMLs

Today, when I picked up my repeat subscription of anti-anxiety medication, they had changed the packaging to be more 'child safe'. Now it's so hard to get the pills out that I had an anxiety attack trying to take one. FML

#15706489
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29712) - you deserved it (7213)

On 04/09/2011 at 8:53am - health - by VoiceMail (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was looking in my grandparents' drawers and cupboards to find a blanket, but instead found a stash of sex toys, and a male G-string with a horse on the front. The best bit? When you press the horse's nose, it neighs. FML

#15703960
275 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38153) - you deserved it (9061)

On 04/09/2011 at 1:46am - intimacy - by fuundmental/// - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to stick her finger up my ass during sex. I screamed like a little girl and barely managed to finish. Afterward, she said, 'Now you know how it feels.' FML

#15165919
340 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17625) - you deserved it (83181)

On 03/01/2011 at 6:51pm - intimacy - by Anon. (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I overheard my parents in the kitchen talking about how they wanted to try anal tonight. There is over three and a half feet of snow outside, leaving me no way to escape the horrible sounds and mental images yet to come. FML

#15141244
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47720) - you deserved it (3791)

On 02/27/2011 at 4:42pm - intimacy - by Sam (woman) - United States (Wyoming)

Today, I was babysitting a little girl. We were colouring, and she told me she wanted to draw a picture of me. After she was done, she showed me the picture. I'm drawn as a fat cow. The worst part is, the picture actually looks kinda like me. FML

Today, I started my community service at the dog pound. I like animals so I thought it would be a good place to do it. As I arrived they were throwing dogs that had been euthanized into a dump truck to be taken to a landfill. That was my job for the day. FML

#15063959
272 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41047) - you deserved it (5352)

On 02/21/2011 at 10:15am - work - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I went to the doctor thinking I had breast cancer. Turns out, I have a third boob. FML

#15057968
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42891) - you deserved it (4491)

On 02/20/2011 at 10:28pm - health - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, my cat tried to kill me. While I was sleeping, he put his paws on either side of my face and laid down, covering my nose and mouth. While I was struggling to free myself, I could hear my sister laughing next to me. FML

#15051806
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26685) - you deserved it (4355)

On 02/20/2011 at 12:45pm - animals - by Michelle - United States (California)

Today, the sweetest thing my boyfriend ever told me was that I'd make a good porn star. FML

#15036235
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28623) - you deserved it (8026)

On 02/19/2011 at 2:20am - love - by PlayboyBunny (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was so lonely, I wound up talking for two hours to the creep who calls my number every Friday night and makes creepy obscene breathing noises on the other end of the phone. Turns out he's a better listener than my husband. FML

#15035621
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32143) - you deserved it (5218)

On 02/19/2011 at 1:17am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my friend came over with brownies as a treat before work. She works in a bakery so I thought it was lovely. After starting work, I became stoned. She thought it was a great prank. I was fired. FML

#15025975
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37228) - you deserved it (3844)

On 02/18/2011 at 8:06am - work - by sickly -

Today, instead of pushing me away or simply stopping for a minute, my girlfriend kept kissing me as she was trying to get phlegm out of her throat. The slimy goo ended up in the back of my mouth. I can still taste it. FML

#15024554
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39822) - you deserved it (4309)

On 02/18/2011 at 2:35am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada

Today, I came home to a lease violation and a $220 fine after a routine pest control visit. The violation: my single beta fish in a small bowl. FML

#15023779
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24158) - you deserved it (4155)

On 02/18/2011 at 12:19am - animals - by Username -

Today, I woke up to a text from my boyfriend asking if I'd Skype with him. Thinking he'd find my tousled bed hair and big t-shirt sexy, I went on. The first thing he noticed was the massive booger on my face that stretched from my nose to the other side of my cheek. FML

#15015592
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11254) - you deserved it (32889)

On 02/17/2011 at 12:29pm - misc - by Whatever479 - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I was in science class studying dead insects for biology. After packing away the jars, I noticed a red-back spider on the bench. Thinking it was missing from a jar, I picked it up. It wasn't missing. It was alive. FML

#15013181
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29246) - you deserved it (4739)

On 02/17/2011 at 5:39am - animals - by shaunaaa (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)



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