Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

cognauticcreix

Search for a member

cognauticcreix

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 13 June 1990 (24 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 303
  • Number of comments : 27
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About cognauticcreix : I'm still figuring out what anyone would actually give a shit about in one of these things.

cognauticcreix's page activity

Visits<b>WockaFloctapus</b> - the 01/03/2014 at 2:16am<b>Katiekhalifa</b> - the 11/28/2013 at 1:03am<b>DemolitionLovers</b> - the 11/04/2013 at 9:10pm<b>Lindahhxd</b> - the 05/02/2013 at 12:45am<b>gigi1818</b> - the 04/13/2013 at 10:30am<b>Itsbinkyyo</b> - the 03/15/2013 at 10:46pm<b>xEyesSetToKillx</b> - the 02/19/2013 at 2:34am<b>footcheezeez</b> - the 01/22/2013 at 11:27pm<b>Latressa298</b> - the 01/15/2013 at 3:58pm<b>sunkissedluster</b> - the 01/07/2013 at 5:22am<b>emily20</b> - the 01/05/2013 at 8:34am<b>DDCA</b> - the 12/30/2012 at 4:06am<b>cuponoodles34</b> - the 12/30/2012 at 2:49am<b>VolleyAly</b> - the 12/30/2012 at 12:50am<b>fatlemonjefferso</b> - the 12/30/2012 at 12:35am<b>gibbyrules</b> - the 12/30/2012 at 12:23am<b>Charleybelle</b> - the 12/30/2012 at 12:20am<b>raraisbang</b> - the 12/23/2012 at 3:16pm

cognauticcreix's FML badges

Facebook

Between your Facebook account and your FML account, things are no longer complicated: their relationship is official. We like this.

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

Up and coming moderator

It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

See all of cognauticcreix's badges

cognauticcreix's favorite FMLs

Today, a grasshopper jumped into my car. As my boyfriend swiped at it, the grasshopper jumped onto my chest and into my shirt. Instead of helping me get it out, my boyfriend leaned back and said, "It got to second base faster than I did." FML

#13045293
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26672) - you deserved it (9507)

On 09/14/2010 at 3:27am - love - by tickyette (woman) - United States

Today, I was taking care of a friend's hamster. Thinking the hamster wanted to make a bed, I put some cotton balls in his cage so he would be comfy. He promptly ate them and died. FML

#12781273
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14420) - you deserved it (36307)

On 08/28/2010 at 12:56am - animals - by Kelli (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was having an affair with a girl from my work. She scratched my back while we were doing it and I didn't want my wife to find out so I threw myself down the stairs at work and ended up having to go to the hospital. FML

#10658705
513 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14812) - you deserved it (237398)

On 05/20/2010 at 10:33pm - intimacy - by Chichensoup (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, while in the waiting room at the chiropractor's office, I thought I'd be sexy and flash my boyfriend. Forgetting that my iPhone was in the front pocket of my hoodie, I lifted it quickly and hit myself in the mouth. Now I have a fat bloody lip and a boyfriend who can't stop laughing. FML

#7469171
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6641) - you deserved it (40892)

On 01/21/2010 at 2:31am - intimacy - by im_radd (woman) - United States

Today, after having sexual intercourse with my boyfriend, we went downstairs to find his parents had come home early and had heard everything. I then received a long scolding from his mother of how I'd disrespected her house. My boyfriend received a high-five and a thumbs-up from his dad. FML

#7204414
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21564) - you deserved it (4536)

On 01/07/2010 at 8:07pm - intimacy - by oopsies (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I woke up feeling awesome. I turned to face the sunrise in the window, and as I stretched and let out a big yawn. Only for my boyfriend to say "Baby, turn back over. Your breath smells like turds." FML

#6493156
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27422) - you deserved it (9280)

On 11/28/2009 at 10:57am - love - by lol smiley face - United States

Today, I got pulled over for the first time since I got my license. I have disorganized speech and occasional inappropriate emotional response. I began to laugh due to nervousness and when I tried to explain why, I was arrested because he thought I was high. FML

#4208437
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47837) - you deserved it (4842)

On 08/01/2009 at 3:24pm - misc - by Jesse (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was shopping at COSTCO for a romantic evening with my girlfriend, I bought some flowers, dinner and a super pack of condoms, At the register behind me I heard somebody say "Good thing my daughter has a responsible boyfriend." It was my girlfriend's father. FML

#3969079
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50266) - you deserved it (8759)

On 07/23/2009 at 1:23am - love - by costcocondoms (man) - Mexico (Baja California)

Today, I was taking a nap. Apparently, my two year old daughter decided to crawl on top of the covers on my bed because she was scared since there was a thunder storm. I thought she was one of our cats so I kicked her off. She hit the wall. FML

#2532710
1165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (82232) - you deserved it (218506)

On 06/02/2009 at 2:03pm - animals - by fmlfmlfml (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I wanted revenge on the rabbit who ate my garden's plants. When he returned, he was standing next to my brand new above-ground swimming pool. I pull out my 22. rifle and shot at it, but the bullet missed and popped a hole in my pool. 15,000 gallons of water flooded my basement. FML

#2321503
854 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33974) - you deserved it (252828)

On 05/26/2009 at 8:22pm - misc - by Jerrrr (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I got a phone call from a number I didn't recognize. It was a man with a speech impediment, and I began imitating him. He was the manager of a store I applied at. He wanted to arrange an interview. FML

#2237566
422 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12678) - you deserved it (213404)

On 05/24/2009 at 10:50am - work - by oopsie (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had my high school reunion. The nerdy guy that I picked on all 4 years had married a Swedish supermodel, then divorced her for a Brazilian supermodel. My girlfriend works at 7-11. Karma sucks. FML

#2019724
638 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27558) - you deserved it (270345)

On 05/17/2009 at 4:16pm - misc - by karmasabitch (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I left a party after drinking, and was soon pulled over. I frantically grabbed my mouthwash I keep for emergency situations to cover up the alcohol smell on my breath. I was given the breathalyzer almost immediately. I blew a 2.37. Apparently, alcohol is the main ingredient of Listerine. FML

#1550059
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28925) - you deserved it (265818)

On 05/02/2009 at 2:21am - health - by breathalizard (man) - United States (North Dakota)



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #2: In slow-moving hell
  • It was once a dream, now it’s come true. We’re at the place that was allocated months ago for preprogrammed, enforced holiday fun time. We’ve put on some cargo shorts, slipped on some of those…

Wednesday 13 August 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: