cognauticcreix

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cognauticcreix

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 13 June 1990 (26 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 770
  • Number of comments : 27
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About cognauticcreix : I'm still figuring out what anyone would actually give a shit about in one of these things.

cognauticcreix's page activity

Visits<b>Srxjo</b> - the 07/12/2016 at 10:24am<b>WhiteMagickz</b> - the 12/24/2015 at 2:19am<b>Moonunit226</b> - the 09/18/2015 at 9:53pm<b>anonymuse</b> - the 05/27/2015 at 12:13am<b>DeadxTime</b> - the 08/31/2014 at 9:33am<b>WockaFloctapus</b> - the 01/03/2014 at 2:16am<b>Katiekhalifa</b> - the 11/28/2013 at 1:03am<b>DemolitionLovers</b> - the 11/04/2013 at 9:10pm<b>Lindahhxd</b> - the 05/02/2013 at 12:45am<b>gigi1818</b> - the 04/13/2013 at 10:30am<b>Itsbinkyyo</b> - the 03/15/2013 at 10:46pm<b>xEyesSetToKillx</b> - the 02/19/2013 at 2:34am<b>footcheezeez</b> - the 01/22/2013 at 11:27pm<b>Latressa298</b> - the 01/15/2013 at 3:58pm<b>sunkissedluster</b> - the 01/07/2013 at 5:22am<b>emily20</b> - the 01/05/2013 at 8:34am<b>DDCA</b> - the 12/30/2012 at 4:06am<b>cuponoodles34</b> - the 12/30/2012 at 2:49am

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cognauticcreix's favorite FMLs

Today, my girlfriend tried to wake me with a handjob. Because I'm a very light sleeper, I woke straight away and instinctively punched whoever was touching my dick. She forgave me, but I don't think her father ever will once he finds out. FML

by nahalDZ / 10/20/2012 at 1:29pm / Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen) / Love

Today, I was shopping at Walmart, when I saw a really good deal on some bacon. Before I could take any, a huge-ass woman stormed over, kicked my cart down the aisle, and snatched every single packet for herself. And I actually got upset over this. FML

by wtf is wrong with my country / 05/08/2012 at 1:57pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was sitting on a bus. I'm deaf. An old lady looked very angry at me and started talking. Then she looked like she was screaming. I had to type on my phone that I'm deaf. Apparently, I'd been stepping on her foot. She decided to poke me in the eye and type, "Now you're blind too." FML

by Come on / 01/28/2012 at 7:46pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, a guy tried to seduce me by talking about incest. FML

by balkangirl94 / 12/23/2011 at 2:42am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that if a cop asks you if you have any weapons, and you reply by saying "only these guns" while flexing your biceps, they won't take it very well. And neither will the cops down at the station. FML

by Anonymous / 12/06/2011 at 12:24pm / Miscellaneous

Today, at football practice, a 200lb lineman ended up landing on my stomach. The weight made me shit myself. My new nickname is "Muddbutt". FML

by FirstStringQB / 10/01/2011 at 6:45pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, while riding in the car with my mother, we got into an argument, at which point she pulled the vehicle over, took the key out of the ignition and used it to turn off the passenger airbag. She then continued driving in silence. FML

by W1D0 / 08/20/2011 at 2:23am / United States (Illinois) / Transportation

Today, I was walking home when a stranger came up to me and told me to give him a good reason why he shouldn't punch me in the face. I guess none were good enough. FML

by Anonymous / 05/27/2011 at 10:00am / Belgium (Brussels Hoofdstedelijk Gewest) / Miscellaneous

Today, it was raining heavily. I saw a large puddle by the edge of the road near with a passing lady. Thinking it would be funny to splash her, I swerved to hit the puddle. The puddle was deeper than I thought. I lost control of the car, spun out, and hit two parked cars. FML

by Anonymous / 05/21/2011 at 2:22am / United States (Utah) / Transportation

Today, I was busily having fun with my girlfriend, when suddenly the bedroom door opened and a man walked in, picked me up, and threw me outside the apartment. I was naked and didn't even know she was into men, much less had a husband. FML

by Katrina / 02/13/2011 at 5:32pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Intimacy

Today, I broke my arm. When I got home from the doctors with my cast, I fell asleep on the couch from the medicine. When I woke up, there were swastikas, "I love the KKK", and multiple penises written all over my cast. My dad thought it would be funny. FML

by Mervin22 / 01/28/2011 at 11:10pm / Australia (Victoria) / Health

Today, I broke my arm. When I got home from the doctors with my cast, I fell asleep on the couch from the medicine. When I woke up, there were swastikas, "I love the KKK", and multiple penises written all over my cast. My dad thought it would be funny. FML

by Mervin22 / 01/28/2011 at 11:10pm / Australia (Victoria) / Health

Today, at the Museum I volunteer at, I was touching some of the things in the exhibit where you can feel what natural boobs and testes feel like. I started rolling the "boob" like a stress ball and forgot where I was. When I realized people were staring, it became very awkward. FML

by latino / 11/11/2010 at 6:30am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, while working the cash register at my job, a little kid was running around with products while his mom was checking out. She told him she was going to give me his PSP if he didn't stop. He responded by throwing a bag of coffee beans at my face. I didn't even get to keep his PSP. FML

by BagelShmear / 10/06/2010 at 9:15pm / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, a grasshopper jumped into my car. As my boyfriend swiped at it, the grasshopper jumped onto my chest and into my shirt. Instead of helping me get it out, my boyfriend leaned back and said, "It got to second base faster than I did." FML

by tickyette / 09/14/2010 at 3:27am / United States / Love