cognauticcreix

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cognauticcreix

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 13 June 1990 (25 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 641
  • Number of comments : 27
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About cognauticcreix : I'm still figuring out what anyone would actually give a shit about in one of these things.

cognauticcreix's page activity

Visits<b>WhiteMagickz</b> - the 12/24/2015 at 2:19am<b>Moonunit226</b> - the 09/18/2015 at 9:53pm<b>anonymuse</b> - the 05/27/2015 at 12:13am<b>DeadxTime</b> - the 08/31/2014 at 9:33am<b>WockaFloctapus</b> - the 01/03/2014 at 2:16am<b>Katiekhalifa</b> - the 11/28/2013 at 1:03am<b>DemolitionLovers</b> - the 11/04/2013 at 9:10pm<b>Lindahhxd</b> - the 05/02/2013 at 12:45am<b>gigi1818</b> - the 04/13/2013 at 10:30am<b>Itsbinkyyo</b> - the 03/15/2013 at 10:46pm<b>xEyesSetToKillx</b> - the 02/19/2013 at 2:34am<b>footcheezeez</b> - the 01/22/2013 at 11:27pm<b>Latressa298</b> - the 01/15/2013 at 3:58pm<b>sunkissedluster</b> - the 01/07/2013 at 5:22am<b>emily20</b> - the 01/05/2013 at 8:34am<b>DDCA</b> - the 12/30/2012 at 4:06am<b>cuponoodles34</b> - the 12/30/2012 at 2:49am<b>VolleyAly</b> - the 12/30/2012 at 12:50am

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cognauticcreix's favorite FMLs

Today, I got into a car accident. The guy wouldn't give me his information, but instead stood there saying, "Like a good neighbor, Statefarm is there." FML

by Read The Fine Print / 11/24/2012 at 12:55am / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, while working as a massage therapist, a client had me work on a very specific knot in his shoulder. He also happened to have a very detailed, very realistic tattoo of the crucifixion on his shoulder. I just spent 45 minutes violating Jesus. FML

by Anonymous / 11/22/2012 at 1:50am / United States / Work

Today, I was messing around with my wife. I grabbed her boobs and said, "Honk honk". Unbeknownst to me, my daughter saw it. Now my 3-year-old girl runs around honking everyone. Even her grandparents. FML

by piemasterzim / 11/21/2012 at 8:20pm / Canada / Kids

Today, I tried to motivate my 9-year-old sister to clean her room. She said she'd only agree if she could kill me. Thinking she was just kidding around, and not a total psychopath, I said sure. She ran to her room shouting, "Yes! I'm gonna use the big knife!" She's still cleaning now. FML

by anon / 11/21/2012 at 2:34pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Kids

Today, the car in front of me in the drop-off area at my son's school parked, and the driver got out. I basically leaned on my horn and gave her every dirty look in the book. She said nothing but stared at me as she opened the back of her van to unload her child's wheelchair. I'm an asshole. FML

by AHole / 11/21/2012 at 9:03am / United States (North Dakota) / Transportation

Today, I had a sex dream, which I interrupted by having an OCD-induced panic attack because apparently we weren't using protection. My brain won't even let me enjoy the fantasy action I get in my sleep. FML

by Dead_Fox / 11/21/2012 at 12:48am / United States (Arkansas) / Intimacy

Today, a nearby volcano erupted for the second time. We were all urged to keep our windows and doors closed in case of ash clouds. My father responded by opening every window and door and shouting, "Come at me, bro!" FML

by vanillatwilight2 / 11/20/2012 at 11:50pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my girlfriend of 6 months yelled at me for not comforting her while she was crying because her ex got a new girlfriend, and "it's just not fair." FML

by they've been broken up for a year. / 11/19/2012 at 2:13am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I witnessed a robbery as a teenager ran out of a Walgreens with stolen goods in his hands. The manager was running after him. Trying to be helpful, I pulled forward to block the thief from getting away. The cops showed up and arrested me for hitting a pedestrian. FML

by ausmill12 / 11/19/2012 at 1:18am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had the best sex of our relationship with my boyfriend. Afterwards, he took off his condom, looked me sweetly in the eyes for a few moments, then decided to slap me in the face with it. FML

by besviken / 11/18/2012 at 5:53pm / Sweden (Uppsala Lan) / Intimacy

Today, after I spent two hours trying to teach my girlfriend to play sudoku, she broke up with me, tearfully claiming that I'd made up a fake, imaginary game to make her feel stupid. FML

by Anonymous / 11/18/2012 at 7:13am / United States (New York) / Love

Today, my family was celebrating my grandma's 90th birthday. I pulled a little prank and got candles that keep relighting. After a few blows, my grandma fainted. FML

by Anonymous / 11/15/2012 at 9:54am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad put an onion in my room, telling me spirits won't haunt me and that I won't get sick. He thinks a vegetable will protect me. FML

by duhasiangirl / 11/14/2012 at 7:48pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, my brother decided to join me on my first date. Not only did he answer the door with a bat, he also got inside the car and sat next to my date, pushing me to the back. He stayed the entire time, and walked me back to the house. My mom laughed and gave him $20. It was a dare. FML

by Mmkay1515 / 11/12/2012 at 10:47pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I woke up after a night of drinking to find that while I was passed out someone stole my prosthetic leg. FML

by poserpilot / 11/12/2012 at 10:10am / United States (California) / Health