About cognauticcreix : I'm still figuring out what anyone would actually give a shit about in one of these things.
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cognauticcreix's favorite FMLs
by psd60 / 12/06/2012 at 2:18am / United States (Texas) / Animals
Today, my boss was telling everyone that he knew a guy who went to a college at which multiple people were shot and killed recently. Being extremely socially awkward and uncomfortable, I blurted, "That's awesome." Now everyone in the office is terrified of me. FML
by Adan / 12/04/2012 at 4:34pm / United States (Washington) / Work
by AllegroRubato / 12/04/2012 at 3:09pm / Chile (Region Metropolitana) / Intimacy
by superminty / 12/04/2012 at 3:12am / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by reedcarter / 12/03/2012 at 9:14pm / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 12/03/2012 at 2:02pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals
by childhoodupinsmoke / 11/29/2012 at 10:35pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend started watching The Big Bang Theory on DVD. Now he won't stop saying "Bazinga" every time he says or hears something that sounds funny. It's so annoying I want to feed him to the neighbor's dog. FML
by FUSheldon / 11/28/2012 at 12:15am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to a restaurant with my boyfriend. After dessert, he went to the bathroom so I quickly called the waiter over and paid the bill, thinking it was a nice gesture. When he returned, he broke up with me for "emasculating" him. FML
by Clementine / 11/27/2012 at 6:36am / Australia (Victoria) / Love
Today, I decided to be responsible and call a cab to take my drunk ass home from the bar. As I climbed into the cab, I was quickly pulled back out and had the shit beaten out of me by a group of drunk guys who thought they needed the ride more. The police soon arrived and arrested us all. FML
by ronboy / 11/26/2012 at 6:11pm / United States (Ohio) / Transportation
Today, I caught my mother trying to switch my contraceptive pill for Tic Tacs. I don't know what's worse - how far she will go to have a grandchild, or that she thought I wouldn't notice that my birth control left me with minty fresh breath. FML
by Username / 11/25/2012 at 6:36pm / United Kingdom (Newcastle upon Tyne) / Miscellaneous
Today, my dad went through all the trouble of sneaking onto my laptop and photoshopping a bong into my Facebook profile picture, apparently just so he could win a €20 bet with my mom, that hinged on her grounding me by December. FML
by Anonymous / 11/25/2012 at 1:55pm / Europe / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend came over to a family game night. Halfway through a game of Klingon Monopoly, my drunk parents started arguing because apparently, while my dad was in jail, he cheated on my mom with a Klingon whore. I doubt my girlfriend will ever visit again. FML
by Eganstein / 11/24/2012 at 6:11pm / United States (Colorado) / Love
by Anonymous / 11/24/2012 at 8:59am / United States / Kids
by ladylol / 11/24/2012 at 8:54am / United Kingdom (Northamptonshire) / Intimacy
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, my energetic 10-month-old decided to stay up four hours past bedtime. After I FINALLY got… 3Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for…