About cognauticcreix : I'm still figuring out what anyone would actually give a shit about in one of these things.
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cognauticcreix's favorite FMLs
by Claire / 01/19/2013 at 8:51am / United States (Maryland) / Love
Today, while on the bus, the guy sitting beside me let out the vilest and most nauseating fart I've ever encountered, the kind that could retroactively sterilize five generations of one's ancestors with the smell alone. As I gagged, he smirked and said, "That's Taco Bell for ya." FML
by methane overload / 01/18/2013 at 8:32pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by kk / 01/09/2013 at 11:07am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/06/2013 at 8:06am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, I bought myself a pair of beautiful, hand-crafted earrings with lighthouses on them. My mother was quick to point out the lighthouses look like dicks. I don't think I can ever wear them again. FML
by musicalducky / 01/05/2013 at 5:04pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
Today, I took my girlfriend to go see Les Misérables. I tried to stay tough but completely lost it and started sobbing when Anne Hathaway began singing. My girlfriend called me a wimp and stayed dry-eyed throughout the whole movie. I'm dating a robot. FML
by Les Miserables is so sad / 01/02/2013 at 6:38pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
by Jolene / 12/26/2012 at 9:32am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
Today, at my new job, some juvenile cockbite spiked my food with a laxative, as part of some kind of bizarre hazing ritual. The bastard got ratted out and suspended, but my arsehole now feels like it's been blown apart by a nuclear warhead. I thought this shit only happened in movies. FML
by Anonymous / 12/20/2012 at 4:49pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Work
Today, I caught my dog chewing on a tampon applicator. I tried to grab it from him, but he wanted to play "keep away" and ran outside. Like a dumbass, I chased after him in my underwear, earning myself the attention of my neighbors on each side of my driveway. FML
by ScoozieBooze / 12/20/2012 at 1:17pm / United States (New Mexico) / Miscellaneous
by ehrmagahd / 12/19/2012 at 12:17am / United States (Texas) / Work
by mysidesaresplitting / 12/14/2012 at 1:44am / United States (Michigan) / Health
by Money-money-money / 12/13/2012 at 9:25pm / France / Money
Today, it's been 13 months since I've been living in the States. I've been called a Nazi, asked if we have electricity in Germany, and been made fun of the way I speak with my "German accent", the list goes on. I'm not even German, I'm Danish. FML
by LearnGeographyUSA / 12/12/2012 at 1:45am / United States (Washington) / Kids
by Anonymous / 12/09/2012 at 3:03pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Health
Today, I was snooping around in my parents' closet to see what I would get for Christmas, when I came across a UPS package. It was the video game I ordered off eBay 3 weeks ago, addressed to me. They told me it had never arrived and said I should ask Santa to bring it to me. FML
by Anonymous / 12/08/2012 at 12:44am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
- Today, after shaking my boss's hand, I noticed that he had a piece of toilet paper stuck to one of… Today, straight after we had sex, my boyfriend went to the bathroom. He stayed in there for a long… Today, a car almost hit me. Since I wasn’t hurt, the driver chased me with a baseball bat to finish…