About cjon : Hate life
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cjon's favorite FMLs
Today, I went to my local Walmart to grab a few groceries, and while at the checkout line I grabbed two chocolate bars for a snack. The cashier gave me a look and mumbled under her breath, "Surprise, surprise." I'm pregnant, asshole. FML
by bunintheoven / 10/23/2012 at 12:21am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
Today, a parent was too busy texting to notice her child had run in front of a moving truck. She did however see me grab the child's backpack to yank him back out of traffic. She then screamed at me for "manhandling" her child and demanded I be fired. It's not even my school; I'm a part time sub. FML
by bad samaritan / 10/22/2012 at 11:51pm / United States (Texas) / Work
by TypeOhNegative / 10/22/2012 at 11:18pm / United States (Nevada) / Intimacy
by jesushelpme / 10/22/2012 at 3:08pm / United States (Missouri) / Love
by thebeachisthatway / 10/22/2012 at 2:56pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
by Anonymous / 10/21/2012 at 2:54pm / United States (Washington) / Love
by scarred_sibling / 10/15/2012 at 8:10am / United States / Intimacy
by tehaustiebear / 10/03/2012 at 6:03pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by / 09/26/2012 at 10:29pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by pride? what's that? :( / 08/31/2012 at 8:23pm / Belgium (Vlaams-Brabant) / Intimacy
Today, I have a heart condition that causes migraines and fainting, so I take salt tablets to stop the fainting. The migraines can lead to a stroke, so I have medication for them. The medication has a side effect: fainting. And to avoid migraines, I should avoid salt. FML
by Neurocardiogenic Syncope / 08/24/2012 at 12:08am / Canada / Health
Today, as I was riding my bike, my foot slipped and I did a slow speed-tumble over the top, ripping my balls wide open. Number of stitches: too many to count. Size of balls: softball. Color: blue. FML
by Anonymous / 08/18/2012 at 1:15am / United States / Health
Today, after my boyfriend and I had gotten frisky last night, I found a note on the front door of my building that read, "Dear girl in apartment 3D, from now on please close the blinds all the way or lose 30 pounds. Either would be acceptable." FML
by Anonymous / 08/10/2012 at 1:29am / Europe / Intimacy
Today, my mom called to chew me out for having my sister arrested. My sister broke into my apartment, rearranged my living room, and claimed she now lived with me. She then threatened me with a butcher's knife for not appreciating what she had done. My mom wants me to pay the bail. FML
by needmorelocks / 07/03/2012 at 1:36am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Steve / 06/13/2012 at 5:30pm / United States (Louisiana) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, I'm still reeling over the unexpected loss of my co-worker. I also received a notification…