About cjon : Hate life
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cjon's favorite FMLs
Today, my husband discovered poking me in my belly button makes me have to pee, sometimes it's uncontrollable and happens immediately. He thinks it's hilarious and decided it's his new favorite game. FML
by Anonymous / 12/01/2012 at 12:01pm / United States (Oregon) / Love
Today, I was shopping when I overheard a woman telling an employee that she was buying an iPad for her 5-year-old son. Annoyed, I turned around and ranted about how he should have more age appropriate toys. Then she explained that her son is autistic and will be using the iPad to communicate. FML
by Mimi / 11/29/2012 at 12:29am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I'm recovering in the emergency room. How did I get here? Intoxicated at a coed party, I saw a hole in the host's shed and thought it funny to christen it a "glory-hole", only to be bitten by what may well have been a black widow spider. FML
by Widowmaker / 11/28/2012 at 1:09pm / United States (Nevada) / Health
by I'm stupid / 11/25/2012 at 10:08am / United States (Illinois) / Health
Today, I took a picture of myself wearing a whipped cream bra with cherry nipples, captioned, "I hope you enjoyed your dinner, now how about some dessert???" I meant to send it to my fiancé. I sent it by mistake to my dad. FML
by Whipped Cream / 11/24/2012 at 12:38am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
by Tymer / 11/23/2012 at 10:56am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
by Janitoro / 11/22/2012 at 8:19pm / United States / Intimacy
by crazycatlady / 11/19/2012 at 11:15am / United States / Animals
Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by waking him up with a blowjob, because he had always told me that it was a sexy fantasy of his. When he finally woke up, he got pissed off, rudely accused me of interrupting his beauty sleep, then soundly lay back down and fell asleep again. FML
by nextcontestant16 / 11/19/2012 at 10:12am / United States / Intimacy
by thanks, fuckface / 11/16/2012 at 2:42pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 11/14/2012 at 4:28pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy
by fuzz94 / 11/14/2012 at 4:06am / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy
by Heather / 11/12/2012 at 4:20pm / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy
by poserpilot / 11/12/2012 at 10:10am / United States (California) / Health
Today, my boyfriend of three years, whom I recently got engaged to, asked me to take a photo of my mother's boobs while she was sleeping so that he could see what mine would look like when I got older. FML
by Anonymous / 11/12/2012 at 8:29am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy